19-Year-Old Commits Suicide on Webcam.

What's up NLSC.
It's Sam. and yeah I been around if some remember or not.
While I was away for a bit, I was also on the BodyBuilding.Com Forums.
Yesterday afternoon a guy by the screen name of "CandyJunkie" posted a topic about how he was gonna OD on random medications.
Obviously people wouldn't fall for his "bluff" but in the end he showed a live feed of him taking and saying he had :

8 bars [of Xanax], 16 mg,

I've had 7 roxies and 3 ultram and now I have lexapro left

When I saw the thread he posted, I also thought he would be just fuckin' around like always so I stepped outta the house for a few hours and when I came back home he was pronounced dead.
There is a small clip floating around the net during the final minutes until the Cops and EMTs bust in.
Here is a screenshot ...



Here was his Suicide Note he posted on his thread.

To Whom It May Concern,
I am going to leave this for whoever stumbles across my bookmarks later on.
I hate myself and I hate living. I think that if someone who knows me
reads this they will know who I am. So I will leave this unsigned. I am
an a@#hole. I have let everyone down and I feel as though I will never
change or never improve. I am in love with a girl and I know that I am
not good enough for her. I have come
to believe that my life has all been meaningless. I keep trying and I
keep failing. I have thought about and attempted suicide many times in
the past. I used to think of my failure as some mystical way of telling
me that I was really meant for something meaningful. The only thing I
dread, besides the pain, is the way my family will suffer. I do not want
my mother or father to think that it was anything they did that lead me
to kill myself. I never really had any plans of leaving a note. I
thought that I would not be able to describe why I want to do this and I
am right. There is no way to tell you or anyone else why I dread every
new day. My father had such high expectations for me and tried to give
me every opportunity to improve upon myself. I let him down. I think
that I am a major disappointment to him. I have a job but I?m always broke
and I am in college but barely, I show up to class but that?s about it.
I want my life to end. I am tired of f@#$ing up everything. I
am tired of people always telling me that they do not like me. I am
tired of trying to be decent. I hope that someone finds this post and I
hope that my parents know that I f@#$ed up not them. It is my fault I
screwed up my own life.
The hate that rages within me, rages not for those I love so dearly or
those who have crossed my path.
This hate rages full force towards me and only me.
I have long forgiven those who've hurt me, but I have not and cannot
come to terms to forgive myself for the things I have done to myself, and
the things I've done to hurt those in my life.
You have all touched my life in one way or another,
especially those whom I call family.
I cannot tell you how sorry I am for ending my life the way I did. I
hope that you can all find it in your heart to see it as way for me not
suffering anymore and that I am finally at rest with myself, for being at
rest with the guilt that constantly ate at me for so long.
Please forgive me all for taking my own life so early. I tried so hard
to fight against this strong battle. I have reached out for help so many
times, and yet I believe, I was turned away because of the things I did,
that it is a punishment I am willing to take, for I know that being who I am
has only brought myself and others pain.
I love you all and will forever live within the memories we created.
Forgive me.
Love always and forever,
As for my signature I will leave you with a quote so that if anyone
reads this they will know it's me, "Can?t feel pain if your dead? Just Saying"

If you guys wanna read more, it made CNN.
http://money.cnn.com/news/newsfeeds/gigaom/media/2008_11_20_19_year_old_commits_suicide_on_justintv.html

Weird how the MODs of that Forum deleted evidence such as the threads he created and his account but luckily I found a Google Cache of his thread he made.
People are blaming them and other members for egging him on to do it and even some of the articles I seen around the net are blaming them.
http://209.85.173.132/search?q=cache:iCJ0Fwq-DVwJ:forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php%3Ft%3D112065561+bodybuilding.com+overdose+again&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=au

Key notes towards his death written by a member

- CandyJunkie creates thread telling Misc. he'll overdose himself again on drugs live on Justin.tv
- CandyJunkie posts the amount of drugs he's going to take
- Mods don't take it seriously because of his past trolling
- People egg him on
- CandyJunkie posts a copied suicide note
- People keep egging him on
- He pops the pills and goes to sleep
- He breathes for a few hours, people think he's going to be alright and keep joking and trash talking on his JTV log.
- Some time later many people realize he was not moving.
- I find his personal details through E-detectivery, I figure out his name and number and location.
- Personal details posted on Misc. I request people to call the cops because I live in India and had no way to make International calls all by myself.
- People tell me he's a troll and nobody calls. Staberella especially is quite a huge cynic and says that he wasn't going to die on that kind of drugs, she insists nothing is going to happen and that people should just gtfo of the thread.
- I send an email to Miami Police on their official email on their website, Email not functioning!
- I call Miami Police from my dad's phone and speak to at least three cops and one person from the 911 line (whatever it is) for over 8 minutes about the situation, the people there do not take the case seriously and tell me to call the sheriff of his county, and give me the sheriff's number even after I told them I was speaking from a different country and that this was an emergency.
- I post the sheriff's number on the Misc. thread
- People tell me to quit worrying and that they're 100% sure its a loop and he's just fraudin'
-jjlee138 (Rep this dude) calls the Broward County Sheriff's office and speaks to them about the situation along with a couple of other people. By the time I called, it turns out 3 people had already called them about it.
- People wait for the cops to bust in on the JTV cam.
- Some people start thinking nobody called the cops, at least 5 more people call the cops, they were told the cops were on it
- 25 minutes after the first call to the cops, the cops bust in. They cover the webcam
- People speculating whether he's dead or not
- At this point of time a lot of people start deleting/editing their posts everywhere. PM me for the original thread content.
- Friends post messages on his myspace worried about him, no response from him.
- His best friend posts a thread on the Misc. and informs the people that he's dead.
- Some people still think its a bluff

I popped into this channel while I was waiting for the Suns game.
Thought it was a joke and left, but.....wow....
Reminds me of another incident in which a guy was egged on by bystanders to jump off a building. Shows just how sick this world is.

That is quite disturbing and hits a raw nerve with me as an old friend of mine took his life earlier this year, apparently after struggling with some inner demons as he was always an upbeat person and the last person I'd ever expect to do such a thing. I suppose it's a cynical Internet and if he had a habit of trolling then the lessons taught to us by The Boy Who Cried Wolf certainly had little effect on him but of as far as Internet experiences go, this is one I don't find particularly "LOL worthy". Annoying troll or not, it's a very sad state of affairs whenever someone feels life is so worthless that they feel suicide is their only option. It paints an ugly picture of message board denizens, too, even if they had reason to be skeptical.

I can call him stupid for what he did to himself ...PERIOD

wow...just like that..im feel sorry for that kidd.
Maybe he teached somone somthing with this, but was it worth it?

This is very unfortunate and sad on a number of different levels. A real shame.

There are reasons why I refuse to watch web cams and this is one of them. You never know what kind of crazy shit the person might do. I can't imagine what it would be like to sit there and see something like that.

This might be obvious as hell but I hate suicide because I think it's as selfish of an act as you can get. However, the person is in an obvious state of despair and it makes you wonder what happened (or didn't happen) that put him into such a depression. The people close to him will have to live with those questions for the rest of their lives, which is why it is such a selfish act.

@bighort

nice to see you posting again bro

This might be obvious as hell but I hate suicide because I think it's as selfish of an act as you can get. However, the person is in an obvious state of despair and it makes you wonder what happened (or didn't happen) that put him into such a depression. The people close to him will have to live with those questions for the rest of their lives, which is why it is such a selfish act.

Yeah, I think everyone who knew my friend or was related to him probably feels that way at times and even though the note he left and the toxicology report shed some light on that matter, there are still questions that go unanswered and so many "what ifs". I don't focus on that though, to me the bigger issue is that someone who seemed to so happy and well-adjusted was actually so down about life and had those thoughts in his head. Sometimes you feel angry with them and that's responding to the selfish nature of suicide, but mostly I'm saddened that my friend reached that point and none of us were the wiser, and that a young man with everything to live for was in such despair that he couldn't see it.

I can call him stupid for what he did to himself ...PERIOD

I see where you're coming from and I can't disagree entirely, but I still think that's a harsh thing to say. He was obviously very troubled, it's unfortunate no one in his personal life knew the extent of his problems.

My father had such high expectations for me and tried to give
me every opportunity to improve upon myself. I let him down. I think
that I am a major disappointment to him.

Even though he's trying not to put blame on his family for committing suicide, I would have to say his father is a big reason why he committed suicide, unfortunately. If his father didn't put such high expectations and pressures on him, it may or may have not turned out well. If he ended up successful, then obviously there would be a "thanks dad" somewhere instead of, "father, I have failed you."

True and that's something his father probably regrets now, but just to play devil's advocate maybe his perception was wrong. It's easy to assume that his father was unsupportive of him or made him feel guilty for "failing" but perhaps that was in his head too.

Stories like this always makes me stop and realize the intended and unintended impacts I have on people's everyday lives. If everyone were to stop and think about it, I bet that almost everyone can think of someone who has attempted suicide or is at risk for attempting suicide. Remember that everyone has secrets, and many people have secrets that haunt them far beyond our knowledge. That's why I always try to treat people with respect, even if I can't stand some of the things they have done.

I am tired of f@#$ing up everything.

Dude, everybody f@#$s up a lot, probably as much as you would have, CandyJunkie. This guy must have been a serious perfectionist.

Anyway, that is some sad shit. Makes me sick seeing people this depressed.

Stories like this always makes me stop and realize the intended and unintended impacts I have on people's everyday lives. If everyone were to stop and think about it, I bet that almost everyone can think of someone who has attempted suicide or is at risk for attempting suicide. Remember that everyone has secrets, and many people have secrets that haunt them far beyond our knowledge. That's why I always try to treat people with respect, even if I can't stand some of the things they have done.

What can you do about the unintended impacts, though? If someone interprets the love and unconditional support of their friends and family as pressure and unfair expectations and keeps it bottled up, how can you know that in their minds they're being mistreated even though you're trying to do the exact opposite?

This is just sad. Especially the idiots who just write off the person who committed suicide as it was completely his fault. What they dont realize is that he is just a normal person as they are. For him to commit such an act, he must have had very tough times as he just burned from inside. We all are normal and people who commit suicide arent mental patients but just people who just felt completely hopeless and their emotions got the best of them.

For me, people who commit suicide are the most selfish and cowarldy of all. What could be so bad that they had to make that decision? Why are they choosing the easy way out? It's sad, and it sucks.

This is just sad. Especially the idiots who just write off the person who committed suicide as it was completely his fault. What they dont realize is that he is just a normal person as they are. For him to commit such an act, he must have had very tough times as he just burned from inside. We all are normal and people who commit suicide arent mental patients but just people who just felt completely hopeless and their emotions got the best of them.

It's sad but if he had a habit of trolling I can understand their skepticism, even if I strongly disagree with them egging him on. Unfortunately he cried wolf too many times, though that was obviously him reaching out for help. A cynical Internet is not the best place to do that though, particularly if you've annoyed your fellow message board/webcam denizens.

For me, people who commit suicide are the most selfish and cowarldy of all. What could be so bad that they had to make that decision? Why are they choosing the easy way out? It's sad, and it sucks.

I get where you're coming from, but I still think terms like "selfish" and in particular "cowardly" are too harsh. I don't think it's necessary the easy way out, I think in some people's minds it's the only way out because they feel they've gotten themselves into a hopeless situation.

It is the easy way out. Instead of fighting whatever they got into, they choose to simply end their lives.

Actually how could we know. We're just guessing, unless one of us has suicidal tendencies then he could explain how it feels to think there's nothing else you can do except kill yourself.

It actually takes a very brave soul to end one's own life. Whether it is by suicide, or in a heroic effort to save someone else, it takes alot of courage. However, the same can be said about continuing to live through suffering and turmoil.

It is the easy way out. Instead of fighting whatever they got into, they choose to simply end their lives.

Actually how could we know. We're just guessing, unless one of us has suicidal tendencies then he could explain how it feels to think there's nothing else you can do except kill yourself.

Well, you'll forgive me if I don't want to think of my friend as a selfish coward. It's easy to say it's the easy way out and that they should have spoken to someone about their problems or counted their blessings or found a way to fix the things that were wrong (or they felt were wrong) with their lives and believe me, I wish my friend did that and I wish that we had some idea what was going on his head but I honestly don't think it's that simple. Unfortunately, the system (whichever "system" it may be) fails people, the law fails people and they get into situations of despair where there doesn't seem to be an answer or so it would seem. You can't rule out mental/emotional problems either, bi-polar disorder, manic depression and the like.

I'm sorry if I offended you or the memory of your friend, but like I said, I don't know how it feels to think that the best choice is to end your life. That's why I think suicides are a selfish act.

No apologies necessary, I see where you're coming from and as I said, sometimes I feel that way too when I try to fathom why my friend did what he did. But in trying to picture how troubled he must have been and how well he kept it hidden from all of us, I don't look at it as being selfishness alone, to even consider ending your life when you have so much to live for but can't see it must be incredibly painful. It is selfish in its own way, but I think there's a lot more to it so we may have to agree to disagree there.

It's an awful state of affairs, bottom line. On that I think we can all agree.