Funny punchlines from rappers

[Tupac Coleman]

Here are some funny punches from many rappers that I wanted to quote.

Eminem :

I rock beats harder than you can beat em with rocks/

Big L got plenty :

They wanna know why I'm so fly/
A Girl asked me for a ring so I put one around her whole eye/ - No Endz No Skinz

Being a vergin that's idiotic/
Cause if Big L got the AIDS every cutie in the city got it/ - All Black

You see Corleone ice spinnin/ Jigged out white linnin/ And if a bitch don't like me she must like women/ - Size Em Up

A Tech nine is my usetencil/
Fillin niggas with so much lead they could use their dick for a pencil/ - Da Graveyard

I got drug spots from New York to Canada/
Cause big L be fucking with more keys than a janitor/

sTEP to this and get shanked up/
I knocked out so many teeth the tooth fairy went bankrupt/ - Let Em Have It L/

Canibus :

I'm gettin so high taht whenever I drop shit/
It lands on the window of your airplane cockpit/ - Buckingham Palace

I grab mic and push niggas to the left so fast/
That their heart lands up on the right side of their chest/

Ras Kass :

I got so much dough in my pocket I gave my girl a yeast infection/

I'm big headed like twin babies born with a down syndrome

You ain't got enought calcium to have a bone to pick with me

Crooked I :

Like watching porno flick with six chicks I'm the hardest one in here/

It's young Crooked/ Yeah you had a lead but my pump took it/ Now you're Hip Hop cause you one footed/

mAKE way for young boss, do move back/
Cause dude packs enough heats to remove 2 shaq/

I don't feel too bad/
Got beef holla I put money on your head like a dollar bill doo rag/

Papoose :
Reveal your face before I let the tech pop/
I don't care you down with the Yankees I put blood in your boots now you're down with the red sox/

My shit is so hot none of you could handle it/
I beat your sorry ass down and leave you black and blue like a crip in Los Angeles/

Jin :

You from BK I heard that they murder things/
The only time he see beefs it's when he goes to burger kings/

Immortal Technique :

If you can take a dick you can take a joke

Backland :

Homey I should slap you but you soft I can't/
Plus it's hard to get the smell of pussy off my hand/

Your rap's tight ? you kidding yourself/
Like masturbation you the only one feeling yourself/

Jadakiss :

Cause eat pussies he ain't gon do nuthing but look/
When it comes to beef he ain't gon do nuthing but cook/

I got 6 locations/
Takes so long to get to the front one I missed probation/

Vakill :

I tatooed FUN on the tip of my dick for " Fuck U Niggas " while I poke fun at 'cha bitch/

JR Writer :

I don't eat pussy so get that nigga off my face

Pack FM :

Play me like a Xbox and I might leave you Halo 2

Tonedeff :

You couldn't cum across a dope line if you jerked off on my note book

[ixcuincle]

Nelly:

"Heatin' like Folgers man , I'm young black and rich"

[Tupac Coleman]

Nelly:

"Heatin' like Folgers man , I'm young black and rich"

that's wack lol

[Oznogrd]

Nelly:

"Heatin' like Folgers man , I'm young black and rich"

that's wack lol

Methinks someone believes Nelly is a sellout, be this true or not, you cant just say every punchline from a rapper you dont like is crap...

[Tupac Coleman]

Nelly:

"Heatin' like Folgers man , I'm young black and rich"

that's wack lol

Methinks someone believes Nelly is a sellout, be this true or not, you cant just say every punchline from a rapper you dont like is crap...

I said that not because I dislike Nelly no, I said that cause that's the stone truth.
That was wack, that's far from being a good punchline

[Gundy]

IMO, it's much better than this:

Cause eat pussies he ain't gon do nuthing but look/
When it comes to beef he ain't gon do nuthing but cook/

and a lot of the ones you listed.

[TheMC5]

Tonedeff :

You couldn't cum across a dope line if you jerked off on my note book

I like this one because it's so retarded and quite appropriate for a musician called Tonedeff.

[Colin]

Some of yours aren't even punchlines. They're just examples of lyricism. A punchline is funny lyricism. Those two Jada lines are nice enough, but they're hardly punchlines.

Some of my favs:

"And your weed got more seeds then O.D.B."
-Redman on Ghostface's "Buck 50"

"Bust shots at Big Ben like we got time to kill"
-Method Man on the Wu track "Protect Ya Neck (The Jump Off)"

"Put a quarter in ya ass 'cause ya played ya'self"
-Big Daddy Kane on the Juice Crew's "The Symphony"

"When haters see what I keep in the belt/They turn to Mike Jones, start repeatin' theyself"
-Joe Budden on "I Run New Jerz"

"How we goin' out to eat, I thought you said you ain't swallow?"
-Joe Budden on "Focus"

"Only way to play Joey is Def Jam Vendetta"
-Joe Budden on "Pump It Up" freestyle

"With more shit out on the street then evicted tennants"
-Ludacris on the "Made You Look" remix

"Mayonaise coloured Benz, I push Miracle Whips"
-Kanye West on "Last Call".

"Kneel down, kiss the ring/R. Kelly ya verse when I piss on ya 16"
Sean Price on "P-Body"

and, from some random internet video...
"Blowin' up the flow like a TNT tampon"

[Tupac Coleman]

Some of yours aren't even punchlines. They're just examples of lyricism. A punchline is funny lyricism. Those two Jada lines are nice enough, but they're hardly punchlines.

Some of my favs:

"And your weed got more seeds then O.D.B."
-Redman on Ghostface's "Buck 50"

"Bust shots at Big Ben like we got time to kill"
-Method Man on the Wu track "Protect Ya Neck (The Jump Off)"

"Put a quarter in ya ass 'cause ya played ya'self"
-Big Daddy Kane on the Juice Crew's "The Symphony"

"When haters see what I keep in the belt/They turn to Mike Jones, start repeatin' theyself"
-Joe Budden on "I Run New Jerz"

"How we goin' out to eat, I thought you said you ain't swallow?"
-Joe Budden on "Focus"

"Only way to play Joey is Def Jam Vendetta"
-Joe Budden on "Pump It Up" freestyle

"With more shit out on the street then evicted tennants"
-Ludacris on the "Made You Look" remix

"Mayonaise coloured Benz, I push Miracle Whips"
-Kanye West on "Last Call".

"Kneel down, kiss the ring/R. Kelly ya verse when I piss on ya 16"
Sean Price on "P-Body"

and, from some random internet video...
"Blowin' up the flow like a TNT tampon"

Those 2 are tight

[Tupac Coleman]

Here are some more

Chino XL :

My style is welfare half of you bitches is on it

Big L :

Now that I'm looking slick and my pockets are thick I need surgery to get chicks removed from my dick