Favourite Family Guy Quotes

[FamilyGuy90]

Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?

[Waz]

Mr. Pewterschmidt: Oh my God, he's violating Seabreeze!
Peter: No,no he's just awkwardly positioning himself... oh now he's violating Seabreeze.

Peter (In Asiatown): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan! (Asian guy walks away)
Peter (to next Asian guy): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan! (Asian guy again walks away)
Peter (to another Asian guy): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan!
Jackie Chan: Great to see I have a fan! Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk!
Peter: No I'm not.
Jackie Chan to Chris: Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk!
Chris: Nope.
Jackie Chan to Meg: Oh my God it's Malcom in Middle!
Meg: Im not a boy!
Peter: Yes you are.

Peter: Wait, wait, wait, wait a second. You're tellin' me that I came all the way to Kentucky to get some of your fried chicken, and the Colonel isn't even workin' today?!?

[baller status]

Cookie Monster (Lois looking at Cookie Monster in a bathroom stahl burning cookie dough in a spoon like its crack): Come on, come on!

http://www.thatvideosite.com/view/525.html

topic is damn old... but i found the vid for this finally

[Kobe101]

Peter at the end of an eposide where Peter is gonna get nuttered:

"You know I always thought puppies came from eggs, and I just learned something today."

[Mazzocchi]

Peter: Lois, our son has been blessed with a great gift. And I'm gonna do everything I can to nurture that talent and help him succeed. Because that's good parenting. Right, Bing Crosby?
Bing Crosby That's right. And if your kids give you any lip you can beat them with a sack of Valencia oranges. It won't leave a bruise and they'll let 'em know who's boss. There's no doubt about it
Peter: Oh, well were catholic so...
Bing Crosby:Are you giving me lip, boy? Because I'll take this belt off and put the smack-down on you! Is that what you want? *Beats Peter With Belt* How's that?
Peter: Ah! Ah! Knock it off! Get away from me, you dead crooner!

*sigh* Bing Crosby, great singer, horrible parent

Peter: I understand we're getting quite a terrific bargain here.
Guy: Oh absolutely! The children get to play our games, and if they win enough tickets they get a prize
Timmy: I have 13 tickets now, is that enough?
Guy: Oh sorry Timmy, but you need 15 tickets to live.

*Stewie is in the airport by himself*
Guy: Hey now, aren't you a little young to be traveling along?
Stewie: Aren't you a little old to be wearing braces?

Peter: Hey Brian, I got a riddle for you. A woman has two children, and a homicidal maniac tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
Brian: That's not a riddle... that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong! The ugly one!

[Cable]

Peter: Hey Brian, there's a message in my alphabet ceral. It says 'OOOOOOOOOO'.
Brian: Peter you idiot! You're eating Cherios!
(or something like that)

[Drex]

I remember something about "Pea, tear..." or something like that...

[Mazzocchi]

I remember something about "Pea, tear..." or something like that...

Women: Thats it! Whats your name?
Peter: Oh, my name? It's uh... *sees a pea* Pea... *sees a women crying* Tear... *sees a Griffin flying* Griffon. Yeah, thats it Peter Griffin!

[Colin]

Anybody seen the movie yet. I got it a few weeks ago, haven't talked about it though. I won't ruin any moments for anyone. But www.thatvideosite.com has a lot of clips from it. I think the cookie monster thing was in it.

[Mentally Hilarious]

Anybody seen the movie yet. I got it a few weeks ago, haven't talked about it though. I won't ruin any moments for anyone. But www.thatvideosite.com has a lot of clips from it. I think the cookie monster thing was in it.

Yeah, the movie rocks. But the cookie-monster scenes are from s04e09 if I'm not mistaken. Could be e10 though.

[Null17]

oh yeah. seen that a few weeks ago.

[Jowe]

" Pawtucket patriot beer, if you buy it.. hot women will have sex in your backyard "

I love their beer commercials.

[Uncommon Sense]

http://petergriffonlives.ytmnd.com/<-- hilarious

[Stewie has run away and Brian discovers this note]
Stewie: Dear Stupid Dog, I've gone to live with the children on Jolly Farm. Good-bye forever, Stewie. P.S.- I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the 30-day return limit, but I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. It's actually not a horrible sweater, it's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it, you know? Oh and I also left a button on the bureau, um I'm not sure what it goes to but um I, I can never bring myself to throw a button away, I know as soon as I do, I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll, wait a minute actually could it have been from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm. Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again good-bye forever. PPS- You know what, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually
going to take the sweater.



Ghost: Come hither and give heed!
Peter Griffin: Sorry buddy, I don't swing that way.

[Bang]

After you click on that link above ^
read the tiny print...

Sadly, that is a fake. Sorry to ruin everyone's hopes that he exists.
http://www.snopes.com/photos/people/griffin.asp

[Andrew]

Lois: I'm not wearing any panties.
Peter: Don't worry. We can always throw that chair out.

Quagmire: (in a lesbian bar) Either of you girls been penetrated?

Peter: Look who came crawling back!
Joe: Peter...have you seen my wheelchair?