Favourite Family Guy Quotes

[Andreas Dahl]

No explanation needed...
I'll start off with a few of my favourite ones:

Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running?
Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually.

Peter (after Lois tells him he's childish): "If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if i'm going stand here and take this from a pervert."

Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's ... that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong, the ugly one!

[Rip32]

Peter- Holy Crap im Black!

[Bang]

Stewie - Mother, life is like a box of chocolates--you never know what your gonna get. But your life is like a box of active granades!

[kevC]

Peter (after Lois tells him he's childish): "If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if i'm going stand here and take this from a pervert."

Security Guard: Alright son, we're gonna need those two hams back.
Chris: Huh? I don't have any hams.
Guard: Lift up your shirt, son.
Chris: I need an adult! I need an adult!
Guard: You're not a shoplifter, you're just a fat kid. Sorry about that fatty fat fatty. Hey Tom he's just a fat kid! Aren't you, fatty? You're just a big ol' fat kid. Here's some chocolate fatso.
Chris: Thanks.

[baller status]

Quagmire: Dear diary: Jackpot. (seeing a cheerleader tied up)

Stewie: I'd love to stay and chat but your a complete bitch, so bye!

Chris (looking at the Twinkie in his hand): I'm going to turn you into poo.

Cookie Monster (Lois looking at Cookie Monster in a bathroom stahl burning cookie dough in a spoon like its crack): Hurry up damnit, burn faster!

[dsigns]

Old Pedofile Guy: Ok, you're really starting to piss me off! Call Me!

[BOSS]

Announcer: [For Homicide: Life on Sesame Street] This show contains adult content, and is brought to you by the letter H.

Bert: Hello? Son of a bitch. I'm on my way.

Bert: Some poor bastard got his head blown off down at a place called Hooper's.

Ernie: Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.

Bert: Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the DAMN BED.

Ernie: Bert, you're yelling at me again, Bert.

[COOLmac©]

insane kid: Mom i want you to die!!!

mom: that's sweet but it's past your bedtime you'll have to do it again tomorrow

insane kid: curse you!

[Null17]

^It's Lois and Stewie. how dare you call Stewie insane

[Indy]

[Peter and his friends have formed a rock band and are performing at a prison]
Peter Griffin: [shouting into microphone] Hello, Cleveland!
Cleveland: Hello, Peter.
Quagmire: [clapping drum sticks together] One, two, three, *four*!
Peter Griffin: [small amount of time passes] Oh, my God. We don't know any songs.
[prisoners get mad]

And so many more that I just posted a second ago, but something went wrong...

[Old School Fool]

ATTENTION ALL CUSTOMERS.............TESTICLES........THAT IS ALL.

[Jugs]

ATTENTION ALL CUSTOMERS.............TESTICLES........THAT IS ALL.

aaarh the most immature things amuse me

[Old School Fool]

It was on Family Guy.

[SVG18]

lol just discovered this part of the forums

Death (Takes sip from mug and spits it out): Geeze, what did you make this hot cocoa with, crap?
Lois (Sighs): Well if you want me to make it again...
Death: No, no. I'm sorry, It's just that I asumed that you were going to make it with milk, not crap.


Lois: A woman is not an object.
Peter: Your mother is right, son. Listen to what it says.


Lois: You're drunk again.
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking.


Lois: Are you gonna miss me?
Peter: Only until I go to the newsstand and buy a Hustler.

[Fenix]

Lois: A woman is not an object.
Peter: Your mother is right, son. Listen to what it says.

. I never watched this show, but you guys made it so fun, that's it's a definitely must on my TV schedule.

[koberulz]

Brian (at his mothers "funeral"): Say something.
Stewie: And God said to abraham: you shall kill your son isaac. and abraham said: im sorry, i cant hear you, you have to speak into the microphone. annd god said: is this better...
Brian: No, say something about my mother.
Stewie: Oh. Well, i didnt know her very well as a dog, but i knew her very well as a table. all four legs the same length...

[Andreas Dahl]

That was a great one CB4, I had almost forgoten about that one.

Peter: Lois, when I'm through with them, our kids will be so smart, they'll be able to program their own VCRs without spilling piping hot gravy all over myself.

Peter: [writing letter] Dear MacGyver, enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip, and a drinking straw. Please save my dog.

From an episode not too long ago, I think it was 2 or 3 ones ago. Funny as hell when you watch it;

Stewie: How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice gradually getting higher and higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off.

[J@3]

Peter: [writing letter] Dear MacGyver, enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip, and a drinking straw. Please save my dog.

awesome

[Colin]

Stewie: It's not so much I want to kill Lois, it's just that I want her not to be alive...anymore. Sometimes I wonder of all woman are like this. And then I think to myself, my God, wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual.

And pretty much everything else from every other episode.

[Mentally Hilarious]

Family Guy is a reason for living. I'm addicted, and proud of it.

American Dad is also bloody brilliant. Guess my favorite character in AD...

[Doobie]

Peter: Shes just a small town girl
living in the lonely world
she took the midnight train goin anywhere

cleveland: hes just a city boy
born and raised in south detroit
he took the midnight train goin anywhere

the show got me into that song by journey . oooh god!

[Its_asdf]

Peter: I'm sorry, but you're wife's turned into a vegetable.
Man: Oh my god.
You'll have to feed her, bathe her, and take care of her. (Bursts out into laughter) No, I'm just kidding. She's dead.

[dsigns]

Chris (responding to meg): Well you're hogging all the ugly!

[Bang]

Peter playing guitar to Lois...
Peter: "Lois, you can't spell love without L-O. You can't spell is without I-S. You can't spell silo without LOIS."

[FamilyGuy90]

Peter (narrating his life): "I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course I'd never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I had begun to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with the long fatigue of a weary life. (Lois knocks Peter out.)
I woke several hours later in a daze."

Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
Peter: Oh yeah.