the JOKE thread(with few shoutouts inside)

[COOLmac©]

good one. i rate that 3 stars out of five.actually the best joke yet being posted here. so if anyone can top that(try to get a story style instead of one liners) then that would be great.

adidas seem to show their latest ad with the numbers 21112 or something like that. i dont know if that was related to basketball or the RUSH song? any ideas guys?

[Waz]

ok i got 3 jokes that my mate sent me today they are ok not the greatest but they will do

a blonde, a brunette and a red-head are about to get shot. the red-head goes up first. the guy goes "ready... aim..." and the red-head yells "flood!!" everyone turns around and she runs off. the brunette is next. the guy goes "ready... aim..." and she yells "earthquake!!" everyone turns around and she runs off. the blonde thinks "this seems easy" so when the guy goes "ready... aim..." she yells "fire!!"

a woman is standing naked in front of a mirror and says to her husband "i look horrible, fat and ugly. can you please pay me a compliment to cheer me up?" so her husband replies "well your eyesights fucking spot on!"

a girl asks her boyfriend to come over friday night and have dinner with her parents. since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
well, the boy is ecstatic. but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. he tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
at the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms hed like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. the boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
that night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "oh, im so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
the boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girls parents are seated. the boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
a minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "i had no idea you were this religious."
the boy turns and whispers back, "i had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

[Jona]

adidas seem to show their latest ad with the numbers 21112 or something like that. i dont know if that was related to basketball or the RUSH song? any ideas guys?

I also got the ad on SLAM magazine.

Those are the stylized numbers of Tim Duncan and Kevin Garnett so it is absolutely the website of the adidas product they sponsor.

It has absolutely NOTHING to do with the Rush opera prima.

a blonde, a brunette and a red-head are about to get shot. the red-head goes up first. the guy goes "ready... aim..." and the red-head yells "flood!!" everyone turns around and she runs off. the brunette is next. the guy goes "ready... aim..." and she yells "earthquake!!" everyone turns around and she runs off. the blonde thinks "this seems easy" so when the guy goes "ready... aim..." she yells "fire!!"

LOL, that was great...

[Waz]

ahhhh your forgetting TMAC aswell

[Nick]

ok i got 3 jokes that my mate sent me today they are ok not the greatest but they will do

a blonde, a brunette and a red-head are about to get shot. the red-head goes up first. the guy goes "ready... aim..." and the red-head yells "flood!!" everyone turns around and she runs off. the brunette is next. the guy goes "ready... aim..." and she yells "earthquake!!" everyone turns around and she runs off. the blonde thinks "this seems easy" so when the guy goes "ready... aim..." she yells "fire!!"

a woman is standing naked in front of a mirror and says to her husband "i look horrible, fat and ugly. can you please pay me a compliment to cheer me up?" so her husband replies "well your eyesights fucking spot on!"

a girl asks her boyfriend to come over friday night and have dinner with her parents. since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
well, the boy is ecstatic. but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. he tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
at the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms hed like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. the boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
that night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "oh, im so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
the boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girls parents are seated. the boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
a minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "i had no idea you were this religious."
the boy turns and whispers back, "i had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

Haha. They were all awesome.

Hmm i've got, it's kind of lame too, but hey.

Two girls walk into a perfume shop looking for new perfrumes to buy. One of the girl comes accross some french perfume called (i dunno, something sounding french) Cia vest levoir... and she goes to the salesman clerk dude and asks what this means... and he replies "It's french for 'come to me' ". They think, that's pretty cool. The girl's friend asks to borrow the bottle, and sprays it on her wrist and smells it and says, "Hang on a minute, that doesn't smell like cum to me."

[COOLmac©]

great jokes there. well 2 out 3 of those jokes were great.

[8-Hype]

Are you a murderer? Who do you wanna shoot with your shootouts?

You I hope.

yeh that would be nice

no,it wouldn`t be nice,it would be great

he is here less than 20 dayz and he has already about 400posts

You're talking about me, dude.

[COOLmac©]

mmm never heard that before but although a lot of jokes about blondes have circulated all through out american history.
very good jokes we recieve today. and a girl even posted a joke about blondes

[Waz]

2 quick 1s
how many blonde jokes are there?
only one, the rest are true stories!

how do you get 4 gay men onto a bar stool?
turn it upside down!

[air gordon]

lets just hope no one takes these jokes the wrong way

Q: a black guy and a mexican in a car....who's driving?

A: the cop

you thief, i posted this one already

and that couch one, i heard a similar one but it was a large pizza instaad but referring to providing dinner

• Air_gordon-------well I don’t know if he’s still a young guy but he does think like a mature man

lol that's me at work and i guess here when you compare me to the nlsc crowd

anyway... if these were mentioned already sorry....

how did the polish man die in the shower? he drowned
what's the name of moby dick's father? papa boner

hey flamers- please don't nuke my homeland
and doesn't flaming this guy get old/boring? he isn't even bothered and not giving homer'esque respsonses, which is half the fun.

[J@3]

hey flamers- please don't nuke my homeland

You have no right to demand such a thing until you actually are a living resident of Jaeland, as it shall be re-named.

[Waz]

yeh its getting old but he just keeps posting stupid, incoherant posts and its just so easy to burn him

[air gordon]

wow you burned him! here's a thumb up the ass , you attention seeking whore

jae what are you on about? don't make us all go after you with our yo-yo's

[J@3]

yo-yo's? That defies Section 3 Paragraph 12 of the Jaeland act against Fun and Games

[COOLmac©]

yo-yo's? That defies Section 3 Paragraph 12 of the Jaeland act against Fun and Games

that one was superb.
and this is not even a joke thread.
seriously Jae when we will be in Jaeland we would really feel like what the Iraqi people feel when saddam was there.
beware our yoyos have titanium strings

[J@3]

yo-yo's? That defies Section 3 Paragraph 12 of the Jaeland act against Fun and Games

that one was superb.
and this is not even a joke thread.

the JOKE thread

Indeed

[PiksS]

You're talking about me, dude.

only about shooting u....not about spamming,i said that already

[COOLmac©]

good to see a lot of you guys smilling. well a few aint doing well like PiksS and ONYX. i didn't know why they both end up like shooting each other

[Username123]

I think you should change ur thread title to --- the JOKE thread (with few SHOUTOUTS inside) not Shootouts. I think thats why PiksS and ONYX are talking about shooting

[FendeR`]

I wish I could think of a joke right now :\ Too many to think of.

[COOLmac©]

think you should change ur thread title to --- the JOKE thread (with few SHOUTOUTS inside) not Shootouts. I think thats why PiksS and ONYX are talking about shooting

somebody with a good heart already did that for me...i dont know who but i'm not guessing. to the one who replace it you can come out now and take credit or forever hold your peace.
thanks man/woman

[Username123]

[color=#006699] Yes, you are really cool COOLmac©, now i just have to give u a sticker that says "Cool". Now you can talk to the coolest guy on the forum which is me... yes it is me. Soon you will be really cool, just as cool as me and i will give you a copyright sign beside ur name so u will be cool. Now its time to dance [/cool]

[COOLmac©]

so it was you?
many thanks man
im not a good dancer but lets dance!

[Nick]

yo-yo's? That defies Section 3 Paragraph 12 of the Jaeland act against Fun and Games

that one was superb.
and this is not even a joke thread.

the JOKE thread

Indeed

As i read down this thread and i saw that, i automatically thought, whoever gets to reply first, has got burn of the week in the bag. Now... there were a few ways one could've gone about this... but you chose the perfect way!

Jae i give you permission to nominate yourself for burn of the week.

I think you should change ur thread title to --- the JOKE thread (with few SHOUTOUTS inside) not Shootouts. I think thats why PiksS and ONYX are talking about shooting Confused

Gee - figure that one out all by yourself Einstein?

Anyways, a joke... hmm... ah, i've got another blonde one!

How do you know when a blonde has been using the computer?
The mouse is in a cage, there's a condom on the joystick, and there's white-out on the computer screen.

[Waz]

im not a big fan of this 1 but here it goes

steve was a lonely guy, so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. after some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. he took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink.
so he asked the centipede in the box, "would you like to go to franks with me and have a beer?" but there was no answer from his new pet. this bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "how about going to the bar and having a drink with me?" but again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. so he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
he decided to ask him one more time, this time putting his face up against the centipedes house and shouting, "hey, in there! would you like to go to franks place and have a drink with me?" a little voice came out of the box: "i heard you the first time! im putting on my fucking shoes."

and this 1 i like

a beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynaecologist. the doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. right away he tells her to undress.
after she has disrobed, he begins to stroke her thigh. as he does this he says to the woman, "do you know what im doing?" "yes" she says, "youre checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities." "that is correct," says the doctor.
he then begins to fondle her breasts. "do you know what im doing now?" he asks. "yes" says the woman, "youre checking for any lumps or breast cancer." "thats right," replies the doctor.
he then begins to have sex with the woman. he says to her, "do you know what im doing now?" "yes" she says, "youre getting herpes!"