.

[hmm]

.

[J@3]

LOL Homer's an absolute legend

[kevC]

ralph quotes:


Me fail English? That's unpossible.

Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.

Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!

I bent my wookie.

The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there

Ralph: "Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants."
Chief Wiggum: "Just relax and it'll come, son."

I heard your dad went into a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant

And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life

I found a moonrock in my nose!

That's where I saw the Leprchaun. He tells me to burn things!

[wangster]

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096697/quotes

Enjoy

[Ruff Ryder]

Homer(Neocride), you probably watch as much TV as Homer Simpson does!

[Colin]

I'm not sure if this one is in the site wangster posted but:
Bart walks in the door very late, Lisa is standing on the stairs.
Lisa: Greta phoned. It seems you told her you were sick.
Bart: Well lying was the easiest way to get what I wanted.
(Bart walks away, Homer walks in)
Lisa: And where were you.
Homer: (hangs his head) Cockfight...

[Nick]

LOL. It took me like 10-15 minutes to read all those but it was well worth it.

[David]

My favorite..

Billy Corgan: Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.
Homer: Homer Simpson, smiling politely.

[idiot]

Bart: Dear God, we paid for all these things ourselves, so thanks for nothing ~!

[Andrew]

Milhouse: How could this have happened? We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.

[lilcheeks]

Homer: I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun

Homer:I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman

Homer: Life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

Homer: AHHH. Donuts. . . is there anything they can't they do.

Homer: Hello? Operator! Give me the number for 911!

Homer:Lets just plop them in front of the TV. I was raised in front of the TV and I turned out TV

Homer:Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos

Lisa: Bart, do you realise what this means? The next time we fall asleep we could die! Grampa: Ehhh, welcome to my world.

Homer:Oh, they have the internet on computers now!

Bart: Come on Milhouse, there’s no such thing as a soul! It’s just something they made up to scare kids, like the Boogie Man or Michael Jackson

Homer: Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

Flanders: I think we hit something. Homer: I hope it's Flanders

Homer: Carnies built this country, the carnival part of it anyway.

Homer: It's better to watch stuff then to do stuff

Homer: Remember what Vince Lombardy said, if you lose your out of the family

Milhouse(in speeding school bus): This is like Speed II except in a bus!

Homer: So if you take THAT bottle and pass IT around... Apu: Yes I know there will be 44 bottles of beer on the wall!

Homer: Hey Marge guess how many boobs I saw. 15!

Homer: I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight.

Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

Homer: I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES!

[MaD_hAND1e]

(2 Clone Homers drag another clone of the real Homer)
Homer: Hehe, It would take 3 clones to defeat the original Homer!!
Clone Homers thinking together: hmmmmmm
Homer whines in fear
Homer: NO, wait, 4 clones!
Clones: awwww...... (in dissappointment)
Homer: hehe Suckers!

[Mikki]

Carl (Lenny's Best Friend): Just because I'm black, why does everybody think I'm good at basketball... (then he throws up a flying 360 dunk that breaks the board/ring/everything)

[hmm]

.

[sibo]

Homer: "Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."

Homer: "Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked."

Homer: "Ha ha! Look at this country! ? R U Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe)

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

Bart: Milhouse, what happened?! You were supposed to be watching the factory!
Milhouse: I was watchin'. First it started to fall over, then it fell over

Homer: Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

Lisa: Dad, what's a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, it's not quite a puppet, but man...
[laughs hysterically]
Homer: So to answer your question, I don't know.

Mulder: All right, Homer. We want you to re-create your every move the night you saw this alien.
Homer: Well, the evening began at the gentleman's club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.
Scully: Mr. Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the F.B.I.
Homer: We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. You happy?

[Algirdas]

I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
I will not waste chalk
I will not skateboard in the halls
I will not burp in class
I will not instigate revolution
I did not see Elvis
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I will not call the teacher "Hot Cakes"
They are laughing at me, not with me
Garlic gum is not funny
I will not Xerox my ****
It's potato, not potato
Tar is not a plaything
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not fake my way through life
I will not trade pants with others
I will not drive the principal's car
I will not do that thing with my tongue
I am not a 32 year old woman
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
I will not cut corners """""" """"""
I will not get very far with this attitude
I will not make flatulent noises in class
I will not sell school property
I will not belch the National Anthem
I will not sell land in Florida
I will not grease the monkey bars
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
I will not do anything bad ever again
I will not show off
I will not sleep through my education
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
I am not a dentist
Spitwads are not free speech
High explosives and school don't mix
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
I will not squeak chalk
I will finish what I sta
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
Underwear should be worn on the inside
The Christmas Pageant does not stink
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I will not carve gods
I will not aim for the head
I will not spank others
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
I am not Dr. Death
I will not conduct my own fire drills
Funny noises are not funny
I will not spin the turtle
I will not snap bras
I will not fake seizers
This punishment is not boring and pointless
I will not defame New Orleans
I will not prescribe medication
I will not bury the new kid
I will not teach others to fly
I will not bring sheep to class
A burp is not an answer
Teacher is not a leper
Coffee is not for kids
I will not eat things for money
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
I will not call the principal "spud head"
Goldfish don't bounce
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
I will not sell miracle cures
No one is interested in my underpants
I will return the seeing-eye dog
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
I do not have diplomatic immunity
I will not win an Emmy
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
I am not deliciously saucy
Organ transplants are best left to professionals
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
No one is interested in my underpants
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
There are plenty of business like show business
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
Beans are neither fruit nor musical
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
I will not send lard through the mail
I will not dissect things unless instructed
I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
My homework was not stolen by a one armed man
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
I will not hang donuts on my person
I will remember to take my medication
I will not strut around like I own the place
This is not a clue. . .or is it?
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
I do not have the power of attorney over first graders
I will not complain about the solution when I hear it
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
The First Amendment does not cover burping
Nerve gas is not a toy
I will not use abbrev.
No one wants to hear from my armpits
I am not a lean mean spitting machine
The boys room is not a water park
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
I will stop talking about the twelve ich pianist
Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
I am not certified to remove asbestos
I will only do this once a year
The truth is not out there
I will not hide the teacher's prozac
I am not my long-lost twin
I am not licensed to do anything
A fire drill does not demand a fire
I will stop phoning it in
I will not mess with the opening credits
Fridays are not "pants optional"
Loose teeth do not need my help
"I'm so very tired!"
I cannot absolve sins
My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
Sherri does not "got back"
Class clown is not a paid position
I did not invent Irish dancing
Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related



Here are sentences which Bart has written on board

[Null17]

i didnt read the first post very well but i dont u included Mya Buttstinks to the prank calls, that was a good one

[sibo]

Ralph Wiggum:

RALPH: When I grow up I wanna be a Principal or a Caterpillar... I love you Principal Skinner!

RALPH: Principal Skinner, I got carsick in your office

RALPH: Mrs. Hoover, my worm crawled in my mouth, and I ate it. Can I have a new one?'

A couple of Homer's mmmm's:
'Mmmm, free goo.
Mmmm, sacrilicious.
Mmmm, invisible cola.
Mmmm, money
Mmmm, burger
Mmmm, foot-long chili dog.
Mmmm, fatty.
Mmmm, waffle run off.
Mmmm, snouts.
Mmmm, chocolate.
Mmmm, gummy Venus.
Mmmm, floor pie.
Mmmm, Marge.
Mmmm hamburger.
Mmmm, purple.
Mmmm, bowling fresh.
Mmmm, elephant fresh.
Mmmm, slanty.
Mmmm, open-faced club sandwedge.
Mmmm, shrimp.
Mmmm, mediciney.
Mmmm, bacon.
Mmmm, invisible cola.
Mmmm,organized crime.
Mmmm, ham.
Mmmm, bar-b-que.
Mmmm, fuzzy.
Mmmm, crumbled up cookie things.
Mmmm, urinal fresh.
Mmmm, forbidden doughnut
Mmmm, pinch.
Mmmm sprinkles.
Mmmm, something.
Mmmm, unprossed fish sticks.
Mmmm, I can feel three kinds of softness.
Mmmm, Hors d'oeurves.
Mmmm, incapacitating.
Mmmm, pointy.
Mmmm, fuzzy.
Mmmm, 64 slices of American Cheese.
Mmmm, hog fat
Mmmm, spagetti.
Mmmm, soylent green.

TROY MCCLURE Movie Titles

Calling All Quakers
Gladys The Groovy Mule
Dial M for Murderousness
The President's Neck is Missing!
Hydro, the Man With the Hydraulic Arms
Good-Time Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great 'Frisco Freak-Out
Leper in the Backfield
Make-Out King of Montana
Slow Down David Copperfield, What's That Down Your Sock
The Unbearable Moistness of Sweating
Eenie Meeni Miney, Die

[RedTorro]

Hopefully the quotes keep coming because the voice actors are on strike.

http://www.funny.co.uk/news/art_72-2072 ... trike.html

[Andreas Dahl]

Nice thread


[After finishing building a church]
- Homer: Look at what a wonderful prison we've built for God.


[Homer becomes a teacher]
- Lisa: So, dad, are you ready to spread knowledge and enlighten minds?
[Homer stares at her, confused]
- Homer: That's right, honey. Daddy's a teacher.


- Milhouse: I can't go to juvie, they use guys like me as currency.


- Homer: I don't see any shirts saying Homer is a dope.
- Salesman: They sold out ten minutes ago.
- Homer: I'll take one.


- Bart: Dad, your half-assed underparenting was a lot funnier than your half-assed overparenting.
- Homer: But this time I'm using my whole ass.