What defines 'relationship' (girlfriend)

[Doobie]

I always wonder what I should expect out of a relationship at the age of 20. At this age, is it ever really that 'serious' ? There's about 10 people I graduated with who are getting married now, and probably 40 with kids. So now here I am, 20 years old and have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. This is my second relationship that's lasting 2 or more years and keep in mind I'm 20. I think about settling down but marriage doesn't seem right just yet, even though I have very strong feelings for the girl I'm with. I want to be honest with myself, but I really don't see myself in this relationship for the rest of my life, even though I love her and feel like she's a very suitable partner for me. So as of now I am staying in this relationship I have nothing to complain about. I guess live life day by day and see what happens.

I do have my issues with this relationship, I'm a very jealous guy. This is the first girlfriend I have who gets along with guys more then with girls. Like 75% of her friends are guys, and the friends she hangs out with are all guys. This is the first girlfriend I have that doesn't have restrictions and can hang out as long as she wants. While she does nothing wrong it still bothers me, I'm really not used too it. She's the opposite of what I always thought I liked physically, she has tattoos, piercings, short hair (now) and a little heavier then girls I've dated (before jokes arise I've usually dated girls who are really skinny, my current gf is about 10-15 lbs overweight, just a little chubby.) I have fallen head over heels for this girl but she just does EVERYTHING I'm not used too. She smokes weed, she draws, likes my kind of music, and wants to have sex ALL the time. She has supported me in everything I do, and unlike most girls DOESN'T CARE at all about what I do, she lets me smoke, drink, hang out with the guys till 6 a.m, party, anything. She's even cool about me hooking up with other girls as long as she knows. She has trust in me like no other has.

While this all seem's like the perfect relationship, I don't know if THIS is what I want in a girlfriend. She's not exactly the girl that you'd bring home to your mother, which is normally the girl I go for. I like the girls that would rather stay in with me on a friday night and watch a movie, not the kind thats gonna wanna drive 100 miles away to go get high and party and come home. Once again though, I do love her and she really does nothing wrong for me to want to break up with her. This thread is here for us to discuss the kind of girls you guys like, and what you look for in a relationship

[Oznogrd]

for me: a significant other has to do a few things
1: challenge me intellectually, if im doing all the thinking and she cant think for herself it wont work
2: be able to admit when she needs help even if thats as simple as me listening to her
3.is geeky enough to enjoy similar things to me: video games, comics, books, random interweb fads...
4. Manners when appropriate. I dont need a prude, but some social pleases and thank yous when dealing with family goes a long way towards them liking S.O's.
the number one thing for me though is passion. I dont care what about..but i need a passionate person with beliefs and a brain and willing to learn and explore and discuss anything under the sun. There is a line thats too much (had a friend who took it personal if you disagreed with her), but i like a little bit of fire in my significant other.

What i usually go for is these things. Then i find out as my custom title says: im like flypaper for the emotionally disturbed...i dont know why but i think 5 of my 6 total g/fs are on antidepressants or have attempted suicide.

Unlike most men my age, i actually like commitment: only a single 1 night stand in my life and that was more because she didnt want anything more. That whole open relationship thing bugs me and i never understood it. I actually dont stay in a relationship when i realize i couldnt marry the girl. Seems like a waste of time to me.

My current relationship may be one of the healthiest ones i've ever been in...approaching 5 months now and no insanity that i couldnt easily handle. Im liking this one alot

[benji]

I always wonder what I should expect out of a relationship at the age of 20. At this age, is it ever really that 'serious' ? There's about 10 people I graduated with who are getting married now, and probably 40 with kids. So now here I am, 20 years old and have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. This is my second relationship that's lasting 2 or more years and keep in mind I'm 20. I think about settling down but marriage doesn't seem right just yet, even though I have very strong feelings for the girl I'm with. I want to be honest with myself, but I really don't see myself in this relationship for the rest of my life, even though I love her and feel like she's a very suitable partner for me. So as of now I am staying in this relationship I have nothing to complain about. I guess live life day by day and see what happens.

I do have my issues with this relationship, I'm a very jealous guy. This is the first girlfriend I have who gets along with guys more then with girls. Like 75% of her friends are guys, and the friends she hangs out with are all guys. This is the first girlfriend I have that doesn't have restrictions and can hang out as long as she wants. While she does nothing wrong it still bothers me, I'm really not used too it. She's the opposite of what I always thought I liked physically, she has tattoos, piercings, short hair (now) and a little heavier then girls I've dated (before jokes arise I've usually dated girls who are really skinny, my current gf is about 10-15 lbs overweight, just a little chubby.) I have fallen head over heels for this girl but she just does EVERYTHING I'm not used too. She smokes weed, she draws, likes my kind of music, and wants to have sex ALL the time. She has supported me in everything I do, and unlike most girls DOESN'T CARE at all about what I do, she lets me smoke, drink, hang out with the guys till 6 a.m, party, anything. She's even cool about me hooking up with other girls as long as she knows. She has trust in me like no other has.

While this all seem's like the perfect relationship, I don't know if THIS is what I want in a girlfriend. She's not exactly the girl that you'd bring home to your mother, which is normally the girl I go for. I like the girls that would rather stay in with me on a friday night and watch a movie, not the kind thats gonna wanna drive 100 miles away to go get high and party and come home. Once again though, I do love her and she really does nothing wrong for me to want to break up with her.

FFS. You're 20.

I guess twenty is the new middle age after all.

[Doobie]

That's the thing. I'm not looking at marriage for a while, but I don't want to end up like my father, who now has no direction in his life as a 45 year old bachelor. If I meet the person right for me I won't hesitate to marry them.

[Andrew]

I always wonder what I should expect out of a relationship at the age of 20. At this age, is it ever really that 'serious' ?

It's going to sound like a cop-out answer, but it depends on the couple. Two of my friends who are now married have been together since Year 11, it worked out for them when pretty much all other relationships that were still going when my class graduated high school eventually ended (including two of my other friends who started going out at the same time as my other friends, ultimately broke up a few years out of high school, found their current significant others and are both getting married this year).

If neither of you are ready to settle down, I wouldn't worry about it; you're only 20, after all. If you enjoy being with one another, just go with the flow. Most couples reach a point where they're aware that they want different things or that they're no longer a good fit and you have plenty of time to get to that point and find someone else if things don't ultimately work out. Maybe one day your girlfriend will tire of wanting to go out every week and will enjoy spending the night in, maybe she won't. Ultimately you'll either grow together or grow apart, at which point you make the call on whether the relationship is what you want and if not, move on. For now, enjoy yourself and don't sweat it.

[Doobie]

Andrew, is there a lucky lady in your life?? I don't think this question has ever been asked to you.

[J@3]

She's even cool about me hooking up with other girls as long as she knows.

That's a worry. In my experience that's girl-code for either "I'm screwing around so I'd be a hypocrite to stop you from doing it" or "I don't really give a shit" or "I'm testing you". She is not alright with it, no girls ever are. Unless she's a porn star and fucking 50 guys a week then she can't really say anything.

[benji]

Lulz, missed that.

I don't want to end up like my father, who now has no direction in his life as a 45 year old bachelor.

So your father never married?

If I meet the person right for me I won't hesitate to marry them.

But why? Why are you so desperate to form a legally binding contract with someone?

You've already had two long term relationships, how do you know the next won't be the one that's finally "perfect"? Good thing you didn't commit and marry the first girl right?

[Andrew]

Andrew, is there a lucky lady in your life?? I don't think this question has ever been asked to you.

No, there's no Mrs Admin at the present moment.

[Oznogrd]

After i hook up my 2 best friends from school i now have a new goal. To find andrew a woman he can stay with and will post on the forums and have as big a post count as he does. Done and done...

/agree with jae, cant believe i didnt mention that. Ive had 2 girls say that shit to me. They were tests and one was fooling around on me. If she has guy friends and gets high alot, i'd be paranoid but thats just me. Last girl i was with did that slept with all of them quite often and tried to pretend like it was rape the next day cuz she didnt wanna admit she just liked high sex.

[Andrew]

It's not an escape if she's here as well. I don't fish, I post.

[Doobie]

Jae, I haven't done anything yet since it is a test. And I do have those suspicisions, but I'm with her nearly 24/7, and I've randomly gone to her job and other places and I see nothing wrong...

I'm in no rush Benji, if I was I would've proposed to my girlfriend right now. I am not looking to get married which is why i made this thread, I just know if I feel someones my soulmate or something along those lines I wouldn't hesitate. And my dad got married to my mom which ended in a nasty divorce, now all my dad does is go clubbing and desperately try to find women to replace the emptiness he feels.

[Oznogrd]

It's not an escape if she's here as well. I don't fish, I post.

Alright...then one that will sit and watch you play video games or play them with you (and not get pissed at them). Then this can still be your "me time"...if you know what i mean

[J@3]

Either you're planning on constructing a robot woman that you can program yourself or you're just making things up because that girl is non existent.

[Oznogrd]

Either you're planning on constructing a robot woman that you can program yourself or you're just making things up because that girl is non existent.

Guess we're gonna have to clone mine.

[Doobie]

I'm being totally serious... It scares me cause I am very suspicious. Like I don't feel I can give her my 100% trust with obvious reason.. I think she's testing me to be honest, but I don't know it's scary.

I guess the best way to describe it... Everything is too good to be true.

[Andrew]

Either you're planning on constructing a robot woman that you can program yourself or you're just making things up because that girl is non existent.

The day is already here.

[benji]

I've randomly gone to her job and other places and I see nothing wrong...

You don't see anything wrong with this?

And my dad got married to my mom which ended in a nasty divorce, now all my dad does is go clubbing and desperately try to find women to replace the emptiness he feels.

Which is my point. I'm assuming he got married young, it wasn't right and now he's wasted his life on an impulse made before he was mature. Just like nine of your ten friends, and thirty-eight of the forty with kids, will be.

[Oznogrd]

I'm being totally serious... It scares me cause I am very suspicious. Like I don't feel I can give her my 100% trust with obvious reason.. I think she's testing me to be honest, but I don't know it's scary.

I guess the best way to describe it... Everything is too good to be true.

It took me a long time after the girl that was cheating on me to get to a point where i'd could remotely trust anyone again, much less a g/f.

I wouldnt say everything is too good to be true..but its worth keeping an eye. if you do find out its all true and amazing: all the better. If you find its all bullshit, you didnt invest much and can get out early.

[Doobie]

Benji it sounds stalkerish but her job isn't far from my way home from my job. It's just passing by to see her for a bit, possibly get a free drink (starbucks.) and other places, I guess yeah you can say that's a bit out of my way.

And Gonzo, that's exactly how I'm living my life, just keeping my eye open in case of anything.

[The X]

I agree with Jae, the fact she said it's cool to hook up with other girls should send alarm bells. Says to me that she's either a game player or not that serious about relationship.

[Al Ka Pwn]

If you are in a relationship and you don't think you are being serious. What else do you need to know?

[cyanide]

While this all seem's like the perfect relationship, I don't know if THIS is what I want in a girlfriend. She's not exactly the girl that you'd bring home to your mother, which is normally the girl I go for. I like the girls that would rather stay in with me on a friday night and watch a movie, not the kind thats gonna wanna drive 100 miles away to go get high and party and come home. Once again though, I do love her and she really does nothing wrong for me to want to break up with her.

In the long run, it doesn't sound like it will work out. It's a very difficult decision obviously, but given your suspicions, doubts, and embarrassment, it's likely going to end up being something you'll resent. It does sound like she's your type given your age, but when you're 25, can you honestly say that you can see yourself with her? I think it's probably smarter for people to marry (if they want) at 30 instead of the 20's, unless it's a golden match, because it turns out a shit tonne of people aren't firm with their identity and direction in life until they figure it out.

Even though I came out of a long term relationship, I just recently met someone different but complementary and I'm happy. Just don't expect to meet someone exactly like your ex, but don't lower your standards either.

[NovU]

I think it's probably smarter for people to marry (if they want) at 30 instead of the 20's, unless it's a golden match, because it turns out a shit tonne of people aren't firm with their identity and direction in life until they figure it out.

Agreed.

I noticed, being in early 20th and late 20th is two totally different world. Let's face it. What's the divorce rate of people getting married early. I don't have benji's stats but it's the divorce that ruins peoples' lives, not getting married late. Why not commit a serious relationship for couple years untill you're ready.

[bowdown]

I always wonder what I should expect out of a relationship at the age of 20. At this age, is it ever really that 'serious' ? There's about 10 people I graduated with who are getting married now, and probably 40 with kids. So now here I am, 20 years old and have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. This is my second relationship that's lasting 2 or more years and keep in mind I'm 20. I think about settling down but marriage doesn't seem right just yet, even though I have very strong feelings for the girl I'm with. I want to be honest with myself, but I really don't see myself in this relationship for the rest of my life, even though I love her and feel like she's a very suitable partner for me. So as of now I am staying in this relationship I have nothing to complain about. I guess live life day by day and see what happens.

I do have my issues with this relationship, I'm a very jealous guy. This is the first girlfriend I have who gets along with guys more then with girls. Like 75% of her friends are guys, and the friends she hangs out with are all guys. This is the first girlfriend I have that doesn't have restrictions and can hang out as long as she wants. While she does nothing wrong it still bothers me, I'm really not used too it. She's the opposite of what I always thought I liked physically, she has tattoos, piercings, short hair (now) and a little heavier then girls I've dated (before jokes arise I've usually dated girls who are really skinny, my current gf is about 10-15 lbs overweight, just a little chubby.) I have fallen head over heels for this girl but she just does EVERYTHING I'm not used too. She smokes weed, she draws, likes my kind of music, and wants to have sex ALL the time. She has supported me in everything I do, and unlike most girls DOESN'T CARE at all about what I do, she lets me smoke, drink, hang out with the guys till 6 a.m, party, anything. She's even cool about me hooking up with other girls as long as she knows. She has trust in me like no other has.

While this all seem's like the perfect relationship, I don't know if THIS is what I want in a girlfriend. She's not exactly the girl that you'd bring home to your mother, which is normally the girl I go for. I like the girls that would rather stay in with me on a friday night and watch a movie, not the kind thats gonna wanna drive 100 miles away to go get high and party and come home. Once again though, I do love her and she really does nothing wrong for me to want to break up with her. This thread is here for us to discuss the kind of girls you guys like, and what you look for in a relationship

Ummm....
Trust me....NO.
You and me are kinda the same type of guys. We want our women to be a bit more conservative around other men. If she is OK with you putting it inside other women, do you really think she wouldn't mind enjoying other men once in a while. And given that you get jealous easily.....once you find out about her other hook ups the relationship will turn ugly fast...
I would simply dump the girl and move on... I would much rather prefer a church girl to marry rather than a one who always have me thinking what kind of weird shit she is up to. Marriage to me is about settling down and letting your life smoothly go by without relationship drama. (arguments and tensions happen but as long as its about running the house)
Age 20, even when you think you know so much, you really dont.

edit: I dont really think she loves you. A woman who loves her man wants him to be the only one for her. She wants other bitches to keep their claws off of him. The reason you are having marriage thoughts are because you think once you are married you would feel like she is completely yours. The truth is, you are so desperate because deep down inside she is not fulfilling your need to feel like you are the most significant in her life.