I repeat...
He spat on my butt!!!
WTF?!
Me being the nice guy I am, I brushed it off and decided not to get violent. I was in a hurry so I figure a little spit on my butt won't hurt anybody.
I was wrong.
When I got home I suddenly had the urge to go take a dump. When I shat, I noticed that the poo was flowing out smoothly. I was like WTF?!
So I got up and checked my ass and discovered I was bleeding like a virgin!!!
I freaked out!!! Firstly, my ass was on fire, Secondly, the toilet was bubbling over like soup and I had to find a way to clean that shit before my wife came home. So I did the logical thing.......I called maintenance.
A couple days passed and I was still having this problem. I came to the conclusion that this must be some sort of voodoo. My asshole was blazing all day long. Everytime I sat down I left a red stain when I got up. It was reaching a point where I was too embarassed to go seek professional help. I didnt want to have any doctor come peeking up my ass. Would you?
So I did what any sensible man would do ................... I went to the doctor.
Yes, I know I am a bitch but I had a problem that was destroying my life. When I finally got to see the doc, he told me to sit on my tummy and relax. I cooperated and did exactly as told. Then I saw him pull out these clamp things and I got really nervous so I asked what he was gonna do with that. He held them up and said "I am gonna thoroughly inspect your ass."
At that point I saw a glistening reflection in the scissor clamp thing and looked around to realize this was being recorded. I was like "WTF doc, what ever happened to the privacy policy?!" I got my ass out of that piece and ran like a madman til I got home. At this point I felt like I would be stuck forever with this problem because doctors are too sick to help me.
Then it dawned on me.... I could just google it.
So I log on trying to find the root of my problem. It didnt seem like I was getting any search results related to my little problem. I got very depressed at this stage and wished I had a community of friends I could discuss my problems with.
"NLSC!!!!!!!!!"
That was the answer!!
I could probably ask Jae, Andrew, Riot, Jugs, Cable Guy or any of those other smart bastards for advice and they most likely could provide me with an answer. Its like a big family in this forum so I figured everyone would be willing to help.
So tonight I decided to make a thread requesting some assistance and then I thought to myself...
"I havent been here very long and knowing these bastards they will probably ignore me. I am not like those other freaks with like 17-18,000 posts, I only have...uuhm... Oh shit!! I have 999 post. Its about time for a milestone thread!!"
So here it is.
1000 posts.....for some reason I believed it would feel better....Oh well.
Thank you everyone for being there when I am really bored to help me pass the time.
I am grateful.
this is the weirdest shit ever.
