I have been having this problem lately....

So the other day I was massaging my nipples in the library when this strange guy came and sat beside me smiling. I ignored him and continued to pleasure myself as I waited for my friend to arrive. When he finally did, as I was getting up, the strange smiling dude spat on my butt!!!!!

I repeat...

He spat on my butt!!!

WTF?!

Me being the nice guy I am, I brushed it off and decided not to get violent. I was in a hurry so I figure a little spit on my butt won't hurt anybody.

I was wrong.

When I got home I suddenly had the urge to go take a dump. When I shat, I noticed that the poo was flowing out smoothly. I was like WTF?!
So I got up and checked my ass and discovered I was bleeding like a virgin!!!

I freaked out!!! Firstly, my ass was on fire, Secondly, the toilet was bubbling over like soup and I had to find a way to clean that shit before my wife came home. So I did the logical thing.......I called maintenance.

A couple days passed and I was still having this problem. I came to the conclusion that this must be some sort of voodoo. My asshole was blazing all day long. Everytime I sat down I left a red stain when I got up. It was reaching a point where I was too embarassed to go seek professional help. I didnt want to have any doctor come peeking up my ass. Would you?


So I did what any sensible man would do ................... I went to the doctor.

Yes, I know I am a bitch but I had a problem that was destroying my life. When I finally got to see the doc, he told me to sit on my tummy and relax. I cooperated and did exactly as told. Then I saw him pull out these clamp things and I got really nervous so I asked what he was gonna do with that. He held them up and said "I am gonna thoroughly inspect your ass."

At that point I saw a glistening reflection in the scissor clamp thing and looked around to realize this was being recorded. I was like "WTF doc, what ever happened to the privacy policy?!" I got my ass out of that piece and ran like a madman til I got home. At this point I felt like I would be stuck forever with this problem because doctors are too sick to help me.


Then it dawned on me.... I could just google it.


So I log on trying to find the root of my problem. It didnt seem like I was getting any search results related to my little problem. I got very depressed at this stage and wished I had a community of friends I could discuss my problems with.

"NLSC!!!!!!!!!"

That was the answer!!


I could probably ask Jae, Andrew, Riot, Jugs, Cable Guy or any of those other smart bastards for advice and they most likely could provide me with an answer. Its like a big family in this forum so I figured everyone would be willing to help.


So tonight I decided to make a thread requesting some assistance and then I thought to myself...

"I havent been here very long and knowing these bastards they will probably ignore me. I am not like those other freaks with like 17-18,000 posts, I only have...uuhm... Oh shit!! I have 999 post. Its about time for a milestone thread!!"


So here it is.

1000 posts.....for some reason I believed it would feel better....Oh well.

Thank you everyone for being there when I am really bored to help me pass the time.


I am grateful.

Last edited by dada on Wed Feb 01, 2006 3:17 am, edited 3 times in total.

lol! congrats on the milestone, nice story.

congratulations dada

lmao thats the best milestone post ever...

that had me confused for a while.

HE SAID WHAT?!?!?!

this is the weirdest shit ever.

Congrats on the 1000, I didn't really notice you until the last 200 or so posts, but I do like you so keep posting.

Lol. I was about to make fun of you good thing I read the last part Congrats

Congrats on the milestone....and WTF is with the story....that is just sick...

Congrats dada, very funny story. Your ass was on fire!

good stuff

I just realised I got a shoutout, I kinda read it to where it said NLSC! and then skipped it to right to the end to check if there were any shoutouting

I'll help you out any time

My advice would be to stop drinking furniture polish.

Congrats on 1000.

LOL! While I was reading I thought you must be an idiot posting all these crazy stuff on net! Congratulations.. Nice story, very very funny..

Crazy stuff, Congrats on the 1000 .

This thread was supposed to give him help, instead all you guys congratulated him.
Anyway, congrats and I have no idea how to resolve that problem of yours... good luck...

You just have a serious case of mudbutt Congrats mafia or dada cuz I'm mafia

Wtf? Congrats, that's the most original shoutout thread I've seen yet.

Congrats .

"I am gonna thoroughly inspect your ass."

LMAO

I'm not sure but somehow I think he actually really has this problem and coincidentally it's his 1000th post too? Maybe you have "piles" (don't know if that makes sence, had to look it up)?

Congrats dadamafia, you're one of the few new posters who actually don't have shit-for-brains.

I have one problem though.

I could probably ask Jae, Andrew, Riot, Jugs, Cable Guy or any of those other smart bastards for advice

If Jugs is considered smart, I'm fucking Einstein.

Congrats dadamafia, your posts in the NBA Talk are thought-provoking and appreciated You better lay off of the nipple massaging otherwise you'll get voodoo on your ass.

Now, that milestone post is maybe even more pervert than then "I-like-to-sniff sister-panties" guy, or whatever he is.

Congrats anyway .

deffinately a very original milestone thread . Congrats dadamafia.

PS. How the fuck did you get to 1000 so quickly, i joined like a month or more before you and i only have 400 something posts.

Last edited by Abctest123 on Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

Great story Congrats on 1000

I have been having this problem lately....

First thought was...damn..someone is gonna talk about their erectile problems on the board.