I give up....

by **The GOAT** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 12:30 pm

I really need some help, I dont know where to go. I feel like life isnt worth living anymore, I'm now almost certain there is no God, and right now I can't remember ever being as depressed as I am now. Guys, please try to help me out. Here's what happened today.

This weekend's weather has been really nice in New York, so I went down to Brooklyn today to celebrate the good weather with some streetball with my old friends from the hood. I took the train down there and met up with my friend Darrell. We walked down to the court a few blocks away from his houseand jumped in on a game, everything was goin good.

We played for a couple hours, and finally we were too tired to keep playing so we grabbed our stuff and started to walk back. We were just talkin, laughin, makin fun of each other and shit, havin a good time on the way back. All of the sudden, this black car drives up and starts shooting. I saw this huge thug-lookin guy run from behind us and jump behind a dumpster and immediately knew the shots were meant for him, but that didnt matter. Me and Darrell got caught in the crossfire.

We both ducked down in fear trying to make ourselves as small targets as possible. I feld one of the bullets fly right past my ear and hit the building behind us. Another shot a hole through my sleeve, but my shirt was baggy so it didnt hit my arm. When the firing was over, I got up slowly and looked to make sure Darrell was alright. He wasnt. He got shot in the lower leg.

I didn't know what to do, I tried not to panic. I pulled his cell out of his pocket and called 911 and gave them his address. I picked him up to see if I could carry him, and I didn't know if I could, he's 50 pounds heavier than me. He was so scared all he could say was, "Get me to the hospital! I aint gonna die! Fuckin get me there!" I figured I had to at least try to carry him. I ended up pickin him up and running, blood oozing all over my leg, to his front door. I kicked the door down and his mom saw the blood and started crying. the ambulence came quickly, thankfully, and he's in the hospital right now...

But what did he do to deserve all that? I can still hear the gunshots, his screaming, I can sitll feel the blood. Why did this happen? If there really was a God, why would he let it happen? Darrell was one of the most straight kids in the whole city. What hurts even more is, all anyone could say about this was that shit happens sometimes, and you gotta deal with it. Like I don't already know that. I watched my own FUCKING DAD DIE.

I don't see the point. If this shit is just gonna keep happening, why the hell should I go on? Why waste my time?

by **Axel** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 12:36 pm

Well, I can't help you in the religion department, but I can say that there is a lot more to life than you can imagine. Find something that interests you, and pursue it... aim for a career that helps others... law enforcement or driving an ambulance. Everyone's got a drive in live, but not everyone is strong enough to stick with it.

by **J@3** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 12:39 pm

Why dont you make it your goal in life to get out of there? It's not like that everywhere, and you don't need "God" to do it. When you start questioning God and all of that shit, you'll figure out there's just more questions, no answers. Try and think of how much your location has to do with the stuff you've gone through.. because as someone who's lived in another country, I've NEVER seen anything like that in my entire life.

by **killer_cr0ss0ver** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 12:53 pm

move somewhere else. where crimerate is low. and you can find peace of mind.

by **Cable** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 12:54 pm

Yeah, you need to get out of there.

by **Its_asdf** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 12:57 pm

I don't think thats an option for him right now. Not to sound like a pessimist, but he is only like 14.

by **Axel** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 1:06 pm

Haven't you heard of running away from home? :roll:

I threatened nearly everyday when I was 14

by **J@3** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 1:07 pm

Even if he doesn't leave now, he's still got 2 years to work towards it... if you have a goal or a focus in life you lose the whole "No reason to live, want to die" attitude.

by **-BHZMAFIA-** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 1:20 pm

Well the good thing about it is that your friend didn't die or at least he shouldn't die. Just like Jae said, when you start questioning God, there will be more questions than answers. If you can't move from NY anytime soon, then the best thing for you to do is to keep living life. I know you've had a shitload of things that have happened to you in the past and I know you would think its hard to look on the bright side of things, but if you keep your head up, some good will come. Hell, you might be able to get out sooner than you think. In Memphis, our crime rate is high as hell, but I've never witnessed anything like robberies, shootings or anything like that. I wish the best for you though, I suppose to be going up to NY at the end of May and I've never been there before and you remember me telling you that I've been wanting to go.

by **Fewrookies-From2kW/Love** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 1:21 pm

I have never live in such life threatning place before. If you could move, move. If you couldn't, you just have to pick your hangouts. Life is cruel, death I bet is worst, and living depress only leads to suicide. If you participate in any after school matters, I bet it can keep you busy and you're meet new people.

by **Ruff Ryder** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 1:26 pm

Yea Axel, being 14 and running away from home is gonna make life alot easier. :roll:

I'm not trynna get all religious and stuff, cuz I know there's way too many people here that are gonna fly at me with all these questions that I can't answer. But why should you question God in a situation like this? You were not harmed at all, hell, I'd be thanking God for that alone. Secondly, your friend was shot, but just in the leg. Thirdly, if you are to say that God let it happen, than that must be God's will. But it wasn't. You should be asking why that asswipe that came out shooting did so. Why does God need to intervene in all of these situations we humans put ourselves in, especially when we can solve them ourselves?

Secondly, you can't give up at just 14. Yea I know you've had a rough life. I bet yours is as bad as mine, if not worse because you live in a much more hostile environment than I do. Yea my sister is a complete moron who cuts on her arms and acts suicidal, yea my dad's a pothead, yea my mom's stressed out all the time and owes the hospital 10 grand for a week's stay a year ago, and other stuff I don't wanna mention. But my dad's still alive, right? I can't speak for you because you've watched your own old man die in front of you, but I know that you've got it bad. But you gotta be atleast somewhat optimistic. I've looked at my life and said, "man, this would make a helluva story to tell someone in the future." Perhaps you should put your thoughts on paper, just so you can look back on some of this stuff in 10 years.

One of the problems for you is that you're just 14. Your worst years are ahead of you. It seems like suicide thoughts and stuff like that are twice as bad. You oughtta try to set yourself up for success though. Stay in school and get decent grades. Graduate. Go to college. Don't give into the pressure of the streets. You'll never get out if you don't make it through HS at least.

As far as running away is concerned, it'd probably be worse. Then you're on your own. Plus you don't have any money.

by **Axel** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 1:27 pm

lol... I was being sarcastic. :roll:

by **hipn** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 1:30 pm

I have no idea what to say... but listen... if he's ok and going to be 100% ok, then don't worry about it. I bet his family is thinking about getting out of there and maybe you yourself should think about living in a safe enviroment instead of Brooklyn.

Make life simple, and don't go out tryin' to get revenge or enything... keep what happened in the past, in the past.

by **Fewrookies-From2kW/Love** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 1:32 pm

Secondly, you can't give up at just 14. Yea I know you've had a rough life. I bet yours is as bad as mine, if not worse because you live in a much more hostile environment than I do. Yea my sister is a complete moron who cuts on her arms and acts suicidal, yea my dad's a pothead, yea my mom's stressed out all the time and owes the hospital 10 grand for a week's stay a year ago, and other stuff I don't wanna mention. But my dad's still alive, right? I can't speak for you because you've watched your own old man die in front of you, but I know that you've got it bad. But you gotta be atleast somewhat optimistic. I've looked at my life and said, "man, this would make a helluva story to tell someone in the future." Perhaps you should put your thoughts on paper, just so you can look back on some of this stuff in 10 years.

And I thought my sickening family have issues! I feel for you man.

by **Its_asdf** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 1:43 pm

You're still 14 and you haven't experienced everything that is worth living for yet. Just give it time, I'm sure you'll find something (like Jae said, achieving and setting a goal) to keep your head away from these kinds of things.

by **Stevesanity** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 2:29 pm

First of all you should go to your real friends for advice and not look for help on forums but then again your the new age type of teen from the looks of things so I cant mock you for asking for help on the net.

Look plenty of people have fucked up lives but survive through it, their are many players in the NBA that were brought up in dysfunctional families and neighbourhoods but look at where they are now. Im not saying your going to become a millionaire mc or baller just because your in the game but at least think of the future and not the present, if your giving up and questioning God at 14 shit Im not sure how you'd handle life at 21. God isnt going to perform miracles and fly your ass from rags to riches or shittiness to greatness, its upto to you to do something with your life.

I've had friends and family members killed because of some fucking dispute about whose block is whose and been beaten up real badly because I talked to someones girl, people are fucked up and you get dysfunctional communities all over the world but you arent gonna escape from it in one instant. Your future is all you got and Id say make more careful choices about the places you visit and the people you hang out with, all gangsters(although Im not sure if you qualify as a gangster) die and nobody gives a flying fuck about them after awhile.

I wish you all the best and hope ya start looking at life and living life in a different perspective and way.

by **Nick** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 7:11 pm

Fuck me. I've seen some nasty things. But nothing like that.

The worst thing for you right now is to let yourself be depressed and angry at the world.

I've been in unfortunate situations like this too (although not as extreme), and i've found that a positive from it is that you become closer with whoever you experienced it with. Where you live is seriously fucked up from the sounds of it. You need to get out, and perhaps your friend who got shot might be a good person to talk to about doing it together.

by **PiksS** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 7:39 pm

start to rap (Y)

ok, i shouldn`t have said that....sorry
i don`t know what to say actually, but every dark cloud, has a bright side...but i havn`t seen or felt something like that....shit like that doesn`t happen here, we usally use our hands .Oohh wait...nope it does, this saturday one bitch shot at us....but as a Latvian, he was to scared to target at us, so he shot it at the ground....and i just ran and laughted ( YES, i was drunk )...damn, that was wrong

by **Pera** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 8:23 pm

Maybe you should think about the good in all of this.Like atleast you didn't get shot and of the sound of things your freind is gonna live.You could thank God,because things could be worse.I know you live in a city where there's a lot of crime and i know i can't compare your city to mine.But the important thing is don't give up .Think positive
listen to some music you like and keep your head up.If you get threw this experience, its only gonna help you to be even more strong and even more mature.

Note to melo15boy:
This is a fucked up life

(everyone sorry about that)

by **Jackal** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 8:55 pm

You're right, there isn't really much of a point to life. I've mulled it over numerous times in my head. We get born, we wear diapers, we do the whole pre-teen thing, then we do the whole teen thing thinking with our cocks more than our heads, then we suddenly realise we've got to get serious to study. Why? "To make something of ourselves." According to who? Society's standards. If you don't have money, you're not worth shit. With that comes a whole bunch of other shit, you've got to be diplomatic (which I despise with a vengeance), you've got to be nice to people you don't like and all that other fake shit. Then you work, work, work & work. Then you save up for a nice little retirement, then you sit there...wasting your life. Basically you wait to die, while doing it, you enjoy the fruits of all your ass kissing.

Your woman who you courted will probably croke, or get all wrinkled and shit. Your penis shrivles up to the size of a frigging prune & all your teeth fall the fuck out. All this after getting like money from the "tooth fairy".

Anyways, basically summed up this is your life: You're born. You wear diapers. There's the middle part where you fight to get money & pussy. You fill your life with stuff you don't need. Then you get old. You go back to wearing diapers and you spend the time you have waiting to die.

So what's my point you say? Don't just quit. We get hurdles thrown at us and by God I've thought of quiting myself, but where's the fun in that? If "God" gets to have some cynical fun, why can't I? I get little pleasures out of life by pissing off the ones that go by "conventional" standards.

Simply put, quitting is for those folks who have the good life, nice cars in their garage, no worries about where food is going to come from and because they can't get the latest Oomphing Dolly Parton plastic collectable figurine, decide this world doesn't deserve their presence anymore. Quitting is for those fagheaded bastards.

Let's make it clear for you by using some famous folks. TuPac? Quit? Nopes. Martin Luther King? Quit? Nopes. Mother Theresa? Quit? Nopes. Gandhi? Quit? Nopes.

By quitting you achieve nothing, your life has been meaningless. Find meaning. Find a way to contribute to minimize the shootings. I know it's easier said than done, but if you're going to sit around pondering about suicide 24/7, you won't get time to ponder about how you can contribute. If you don't take the inititiative you expect others to take, why should they take it?

I'm not very good at this sort of stuff, but hopefully you find a positive message through this fucked up brain of mine. I wish you the best of luck Mike, I hope you manage to distance yourself from the garbage that's going on there & manage to demolish the wrong doings of society in your own little way.

by **Nick** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 9:34 pm

This quote makes me think

Jackal wrote:"To make something of ourselves." According to who? Society's standards.

...such a good point.

I probably shouldn't think too much though. I'm too simple for that.

by **Jackal** on Mon Apr 17, 2006 11:32 pm

Jackal, go fuck yourself, this kid's friend was shot & you're rambling on about how society sucks and all that bullshit?

Fag.

by **Riot** on Tue Apr 18, 2006 12:13 am

The G.O.A.T,

Don't worry about. In a few years, Officer Riot will be up there cleaning out the streets. You'll have nothing to worry about. 8-)

by **cklitsie** on Tue Apr 18, 2006 12:18 am

But he doesn't live in Compton..

by **Riot** on Tue Apr 18, 2006 12:21 am

cklitsie wrote:But he doesn't live in Compton..

Nah, I don't really want to live on the West Coast.

I give up....

I give up....

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