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What happened to Stevan?

Slovakian Prostitute
8
23%
Married Homer
3
9%
Colin is a 16 year old girl
18
51%
Overly long holiday
2
6%
Other (please state)
4
11%
 
Total votes : 35

An NLSC Mystery. Where is Stevan?

Thu Apr 28, 2005 6:39 am

Well, considering when he went to Moldova or wherever it was he said he'd be back sometime in February. Unless my calendar is wrong and I've just left it at the hottest girl out of the 12 months, it's now April. I feel asthough as a senior member of the community it is my duty to make this nearly unreplyable pseudo-spam thread detailing his possible whereabouts and motives for leaving us neglected and starving. Lets look at the case file as Dweaver might say...

Stevan wrote:Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2004 1:48 pm
Tomorrow I leave for Serbia & Montenegro, and I'm staying there for 6 weeks! Have a good christmas, new year and all that guys. See you guys half way through February


Now, Christmas Eve... the last time you'd want someone to leave you but it happened. He states clearly his return will be in the middle of February. This leads to my possible scenario for this situation...

I wrote:Stevan I know you're afraid but I think you should tell us the truth...

You were kidnapped by foreign militants posing as fully sick wog chicks in some underage night club in Melbourne, right?


This was followed up by Colin. At the time I took it as a joke, now I'm not so sure...

Colin wrote:How'd you know? I was one of the one kidnappers. Only 3.5 million dollars and you can have him.


Incriminating indeed. And no amount of money would make me want to "have him"... nice guy, that's where it ends.

Stevan wrote:lol damn it! That's the last time I try to score with a 16 year old chick!


I'm assuming this means Colin is some sort of 16 year old girl. Is there something you're not telling us Colin?

Then we wait. February comes and goes, and no sign of Stevan... well sort of, we do get this message...

Stevan wrote:Posted: Sat Feb 05, 2005 3:12 am

what's up fools?? I extended my trip till the 22nd/23rd-ish feb, so I won't be back for a while. I don't have time to check zee forum but I thought I'd drop in and say hello from the land of no internet. I hope I haven't missed any kick ass flames Very Happy I see homer is still the anus of many jokes. Laterz!


Now if we examine this further, you will notice he uses the term "zee forum"... this was popularised by the late Pavel Rubin. I'm not sure if this actually was Pavel pretending to be Stevan, but it is quite possible that it is. We can't rule these things out, so lets look at what we've discovered so far...

:arrow: no one's really sure exactly where Stevan is
:arrow: he's missed his self appointed return date by some time
:arrow: he's possibly been kidnapped by Pavel Rubin
:arrow: Colin is really a 16 year old girl

By accumulating the evidence I have come up with the following scenario:

Stevan never existed. He was in fact a 12 year old Slovakian prostitute named "Jenny". Appointed moderator due to offering random "favours", he managed to find himself adraft on a cargo ship heading to Turkey wher e he hoped to rendevouz with his secret love, Homer. Homer, otherwise known as "Homer" was an exceptionally unattractive man who once had a very successful stint on RateMyBody.com. I'm assuming we'll be getting some sort of news about a wedding or something, but in the meantime all we can do is stipulate. I do these things when I'm tired.

What do YOU think happened to Stevan?

Thu Apr 28, 2005 6:43 am

He refuses to get out of my bed. When I go to change the sheets he just goes "BOO BOO"...it's his "scare tactic". Which by the way is scary, I still have to change the sheets. Will someone please help me get him out of my bed? Please?

Ehm, wait, hmm, Stevan? Never heard of him. :shifty:

Hmm, Colin's a 16 year old girl.

Thu Apr 28, 2005 6:50 am

I think he met a Slovakian prostitute on his vacation to Serbia and "accidently" impregnated her. He's fulfilling his fatherly duties by living there and refusing to come back to the NLSC because of his embarassment... or lack of finding a reliable internet connection.

Either that, or he's dead.

Or, he's actually back, but this is a conspiracy between him and Jae for shits and giggles ;)

Thu Apr 28, 2005 7:04 am

You really don't want to know what have I done with him...I mean,what happend to him.

Thu Apr 28, 2005 7:28 am

Here's my theorem:
He never went to Serbia/Montenegro to begin with, he never even intended to do so. It was all just a clever spoof in order to get some free time for him and Homer, which he out of coincidence met on RateMyBody.com and eventually came to love. It became their dream to one day live together and get to raise their own little children. The children would of course be as ugly as sin, although after some time (Feb 05) he find out that Homer is in fact not a woman, as he first claimed to be, and that their dream of having children never could be for filled. This causes several hours of sweet sweet lovin' by the fireplace, and then eventually to a break-up between them. It is after this break-up that he finds himself being comforted by a 16 year old prostitute, which he later find out is Colin, in a Brazilian shantytown. The prostitute and Stevan discover that they both have an abnormal obsession with cars which leads to several hours of sweet sweet lovin' in the back of Stevans' car. Although this was not a good thing, as the prostitutes pimp (Which turns out to be Pavel) gets extremely pissed and starts to lecture Stevan about the Pavenian language (which has caused the toughest of men to burst out in tears) and forcing him to write to everyone he knows in Pavenial. Then there could very well be something with Barbie Dolls, the NFL and some aliens (that meeting resulted in several hours of sweet sweet alien-lovin'); and eventually resulting in Stevan being at McDonald's 24/7. That's right; he's lying dead in a dumpster behind a McDonalds somewhere in Utah. That’s my theory anyway...

Either that or the thing Jae said... Whichever's most likely :wink:

Thu Apr 28, 2005 7:43 am

LMAO this is teh stupidest thread I've ever seen!

And 'Colin is a 16 year old girl' is winning 5-3 over teh Prostitute one.

Thu Apr 28, 2005 7:46 am

You know that Homer-Stevan love theori dosen't hold for shit since you all know I'm already married with Homer and keep a close eye on him 24h a day.

Anyway, I don't think none of the suggestions in the poll is the right one.
I don't know what happend to him, but I'm sure that Tales has something to do with it (noticed that he has been gone for a pretty good while to :idea: ).

Thu Apr 28, 2005 7:58 am

hahahahaha i dont even know stevan but i still read this... and laughed!

Thu Apr 28, 2005 9:38 am

Teh G.O.A.T. wrote:LMAO this is teh stupidest thread I've ever seen!

And 'Colin is a 16 year old girl' is winning 5-3 over teh Prostitute one.


No, stupid threads are threads that are started by CoolMac, these are actually quite entertaining.

I have come to a conclusion and that is......

Colin is a 16 year old girl.

Thu Apr 28, 2005 9:46 am

I want to know what happened to Tales, I have not seen him for a while. :?:

Thu Apr 28, 2005 9:51 am

Internal issues... i.e he felt ganged up on by certain members of the posting public and subsequentially seemed to disappear. Although it might have to do with work and such aswell, I'm gathering that's why he blocked a bunch of us on msn :lol:

Thu Apr 28, 2005 10:00 am

yae man we need to restock on mods soon.

Thu Apr 28, 2005 10:03 am

No we don't.

Thu Apr 28, 2005 10:30 am

Damn you all...

You have it backwards idiot. I am the pimp and Pavel is my 16 year-old prostitute. She pulls in about $20 a night.

Thu Apr 28, 2005 10:51 am

Hahaha, this is one funny spam thread... (Y)

For 50 dollars an hour you can hire my services and I will find you rmissing Stevan in no time...


Internal issues... i.e he felt ganged up on by certain members of the posting public and subsequentially seemed to disappear.


Damn. Another 20+ member of NLSC bites the dust... this is a conspiracy I tell you... :lol:

Thu Apr 28, 2005 10:56 am

and it all started when i pop up :P

Thu Apr 28, 2005 12:27 pm

Shut up Coolmac... :roll:

Thu Apr 28, 2005 12:31 pm

I did talk to Stevan a while back so I know the real reason. But they're not as exciting as the speculation in this thread, so I won't spoil the fun yet.

Thu Apr 28, 2005 4:46 pm

He's dead isn't he :cry:

Thu Apr 28, 2005 5:19 pm

I hope not; otherwise it's pretty spooky that I got a PM from him. He didn't mention anything about being dead so I took that as a positive sign.

Thu Apr 28, 2005 5:20 pm

I don't think he would've told you, just so we don't worry.

Thu Apr 28, 2005 7:01 pm

Well.. wonder if Steven's ever gonna come back... lol

Fri Apr 29, 2005 1:18 am

Hahaha, Stevan was so cool. Except he was gay ;)

Teh G.O.A.T. wrote:LMAO this is teh stupidest thread I've ever seen!

And 'Colin is a 16 year old girl' is winning 5-3 over teh Prostitute one.


It's spelled "the".

Fri Apr 29, 2005 1:29 am

Cammo wrote:
Teh G.O.A.T. wrote:LMAO this is teh stupidest thread I've ever seen!

And 'Colin is a 16 year old girl' is winning 5-3 over teh Prostitute one.


It's spelled "the".


lol, don't bother correcting his "teh"'s because he does it on purpose. Heck, look at his name, "Teh G.O.A.T."

Fri Apr 29, 2005 1:40 am

lol yeah I know Cyanide :P

Tehy're just starting to get annoying, all tohse teh's. Sooooo last year.
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