Dear LiveJournal,

I've been having crazy thoughts lately that I want to get it out. This might not be the best place to vent it out but I'm not comfortable talking to other people with issues that I'm currently having. I think I already posted other issues in the past so might as well try again. I also don't want to create another thread for this so yeah.

Last April up until this August I was in this you could say training/kind of a job in a company that my mom's friend owns. I was able to get to this company via my mom's connection and since during that time I have some free time and was just waiting for my graduation and I said why not. I'm a programmer in that company and my initial plan was to get some training and experience so that once I start looking for my first real job it will good on my resume.

Here is the problem. My programming sucks. Sucks so bad I need to google. I don't even know how the fuck did I managed to graduate. The main reason I got into IT in the first place is because I learned during my fourth year in high school that being able to code and program stuff is fun. I was able to ace my first programming course in my first year, after that it just went downhill. I lost the motivation to code I think during my third year in college. I still want to code but with the knowledge that I have right now I thinking what's the point now.

Now I was trained at the company. Training was good and all and I was at least able to get to the work stuff they are doing but I rely on google most of the time. Add the fact that the guy who handled me is kind of a dick and that added to the frustation that I'm having at that point.

Come August they talked to me about being in probation(I forgot the term) for 6 months. I was about to sign the contract until I heard about the salary. Let's just say it is too low. With the current frustation of not being on par with the services that I'm giving to them, it's like it boiled up to the point that I'm like I'm done. I'm not going to say how I managed to leave the comapny but let's just say I did in an unprofessional way. Because of that me and my mom haven't spoken ever since and it's getting to me.

Right now I'm looking for a job but I don't know if I ever get one with my current "skills". I have a low self-esteem and not that confident so I'm not sure what the heck do I say, plus my english is bad as it is so I'm not sure what do I do when I get an interview.

I'm also having social anxiety but that's for another time as this post is already long as it is. Some people will just be TR;DR so yeah.

I'm also having social anxiety but that's for another time as this post is already long as it is. Some people will just be TR;DR so yeah.

You're not alone.

But being a dick(reffering to your way of leaving the firm) is always the low-road and you should avoid it as often as possible.

I'm also having social anxiety but that's for another time as this post is already long as it is. Some people will just be TR;DR so yeah.

You're not alone.

But being a dick(reffering to your way of leaving the firm) is always the low-road and you should avoid it as often as possible.

I was not a dick though. I did not fight with anyone in that company nor I think I have bad relationship with anyone. Just the way I leave that I think that anybody will find it unprofessional.

Did you pee on them when you left?

I was about to sign the contract until I heard about the salary. Let's just say it is too low. With the current frustation of not being on par with the services that I'm giving to them

My programming sucks.

Well that explains the low salary offer. Someone's feeling entitled. Would you like some free breadsticks too?

I don't even know how the fuck did I managed to graduate.

The same can be said of most degrees. I'm looking at you Social Sciences.

my initial plan was to get some training and experience so that once I start looking for my first real job it will good on my resume.

Right now I'm looking for a job but I don't know if I ever get one with my current "skills".

Go to seminars/workshops.
Will probably spend you a week or two for each one and will cost you some for registration shit.
Never mind that I think it's a money making scheme for the organizer/government because you go listen to someone for 2-3 weeks max and that automatically makes you qualified for that specialization. Amazing right? Still, it's not a bad way to fill your resume and will make you 'qualified' for a job abroad if you manage to pick the right seminars to go to.

I have a low self-esteem and not that confident.

I don't think the size of your dick really matters when looking for a job.
Unless it's the porn/sex industry.

my english is bad as it is so I'm not sure what do I do when I get an interview.

Practice asking yourself and then answering in front of a mirror and since you will also be the one to make questions for yourself to answer it helps you prepare for the potential questions that might be thrown at you during the interview like, "Why do you think having a 2 inch dick such as yours won't be a hindrance to the position of network administration manger?"

Very helpful, shadow.

But hey, the last part somewhat hit me. I stutter when I'm asked in English.

I guess you should go and talk to your mother first, dei.

As for the competencies, you should go to trainings and seminars and continually read and learn on your own. The only way you can keep up is when you will yourself to continually learn, and be with people that you'll know that would help you.

Also when you look for a job here, and if ever you get to an outsourcing firm: know that some companies have at least three-year bonds. It guarantees you a job for three years, but when you fell burned out within those three years, you'll have to pay the company.

Actually, you just gave an answer to your question.

You said that your programming sucks, right? And you wonder why the pay/salary is low? Practice makes perfect, strive harder. Talk to your mother first, swallow your pride and go and learn some programming.

Actually, you just gave an answer to your question.

You said that your programming sucks, right? And you wonder why the pay/salary is low? Practice makes perfect, strive harder. Talk to your mother first, swallow your pride and go and learn some programming.

We have a fixed salary here. So, whether you're good or you suck, your pay will be the same.

By standards, programmers have a high pay here, ranging from $500-1000 per month. Maybe dei only gets the minimum, which is only $300. Not included the deductions.

Deductions.

What's this crap about paying the company if you don't finish your contract?

Well that explains the low salary offer. Someone's feeling entitled. Would you like some free breadsticks too?

You said that your programming sucks, right? And you wonder why the pay/salary is low?

Afaik, the salary is the same for new employees. I was deciding before if I should continue but alas my pride and my anxiety prevail. I'm not regretting the decision but it gets to me sometimes. Hopefully I've learned from it. I would like to have some free breadsticks though

Go to seminars/workshops.
Will probably spend you a week or two for each one and will cost you some for registration shit.
Never mind that I think it's a money making scheme for the organizer/government because you go listen to someone for 2-3 weeks max and that automatically makes you qualified for that specialization. Amazing right? Still, it's not a bad way to fill your resume and will make you 'qualified' for a job abroad if you manage to pick the right seminars to go to.

As for the competencies, you should go to trainings and seminars and continually read and learn on your own. The only way you can keep up is when you will yourself to continually learn, and be with people that you'll know that would help you.

Will do. If I find one that is free that is.

I don't think the size of your dick really matters when looking for a job.

I think they do though, not necessarily the size of your thing but they do look for candidates that is confident enough though, as least as I look at it.

I guess you should go and talk to your mother first, dei.

Yeah, but right now I don't think I can do that yet though.

Also when you look for a job here, and if ever you get to an outsourcing firm: know that some companies have at least three-year bonds. It guarantees you a job for three years, but when you fell burned out within those three years, you'll have to pay the company.

I think it's stupid if you have to pay if you don't finish the contract. If you don't like to work there anymore why are they forcing you?

What's this crap about paying the company if you don't finish your contract?

I think it's stupid if you have to pay if you don't finish the contract. If you don't like to work there anymore why are they forcing you?

Because they shoulder the cost of training you while giving you salary.
Companies who train newb employees want a return of their investment.
You can't just demand to leave for nothing after they trained and honed your skills, this ain't the NBA son.

Though experienced applicants who got accepted may not go through that training and need only a quick orientation.

^ What shadowgrin said.

Most companies here, at least what they call the better ones, are commonly outsourcing companies. They usually treat your first three years as training.

Also:

Yeah, but right now I don't think I can do that yet though.

You'll probably gonna have the first move on this.

You just graduated dei? You'll be experiencing a lot of that but that kind of experience is your friend especially when pursuing a career. You'll going to find the right job for you soon and with a little luck you'll probably meet Lean and work under the same company.

Come on Lean, be a mentor to dei.

I can't. I have strayed from programming and now a graphic designer and animator.

You'll going to find the right job for you soon and with a little luck you'll probably meet Lean and work under the same company.

Not as romantic as with Leftos and Jao though.

you'll probably meet Lean and work under the same company.

Had surgery on my toe on Monday and have had to keep my right foot elevated for a few days.

Hopefully I can take the bandage off tomorrow and start to be more mobile again instead of lying in bed most of the day, which is boring as hell.

Come now, you're a gamer! Such downtime is opportunity!

In all seriousness though, feel better soon. I hurt my back earlier this year and it wasn't fun not being able to get around too well for a couple of weeks.

Well I have actually gotten back into playing NBA 2k13 in the last week or so. So this free time gave me an excuse to play a couple more association games

What happened on your right foot?

Land mine clearing accident.

Land mine clearing accident.

Not quite that exciting

What happened on your right foot?

Actually had an ingrown toenail for a couple of months and finally got it fixed. It's been a painful week, but at least now I'll be able to enjoy going out and doing stuff over Summer.

So basically, I just got hired. Yipee.

The hard part on it is looking for a place to stay. My house is far from my workplace, and it's my first time to "move out." The anxiety in me says that I won't last long just because I'll miss home.

Any tips?