Chapter 1: I Bought a Billboard
It didn't take very long for the lockout to be resolved. By the 10th of October 2011, a deal was signed by both the players' and owners' side for a new collective bargaining agreement. Free agency opened 2 hours later and team facilities became available for training camp to commence. This allowed the season to start on time (Nov 1).
As the Raptors assembled for their first training camp session, newly hired coach Dwane Casey (former assistant to Rick Carlisle of Dallas Mavericks), was urging his players to follow the mantra 'Pound the Rock', meant to imbue the young team with the knowledge and confidence that if they keep plugging away, hammering away at the task at hand, steadfastly refusing to give up when all looks lost, eventually things will turn for the better.
The new mantra's words now adorn the walls of the teams' practice facility and are splashed across the doors of the exits of the locker room. The new mantra is notably different from center Andrea Bargnani's old self help mantras: 'Rebounding is for pussies' and 'I'll Rebound when you get a girlfriend'.
On the first day of training camp (Oct 12), Jonathan Harring went to see how the team was doing, per orders of general manager Bryan Colangelo. BC, as he was referred to by other internal personnel, was in his office contemplating on some roster moves in his head. These included: forcing Shaquille O'neal out of retirement and signing him to 6yr, $130 million max deal plus trade kicker, acquiring Mo Williams for Derozan/Weems/Davis and 2 first rounders, a contract extension for Andrea Bargnani, and more.
Notable highlights in the first day of training camp included Amir Abdul-Jabbar wiping his ass with the opposing frontline on 5-on-5 drills (the opposing frontline included Bargnani), and rebounds flying over Il Mago's (watch me, I'll make the ball disappear) head with mouth open. There was also a young Mexican (or so he says) fellow named Billy Bonkers (or so he says) in the facility who was running the practice gym on a gas generator. He was hired just a week ago as the Raptors' Assistant Director of Basketball Development.
Harring having a word with the coach during a break in the action..."Coach Dwane...Hey," Harring greeted the first year coach.
"Oh, hey Jon...uhhh this team put together is just turrible. We have a shooting guard who can't hit a 3 to save his life and a center who can't grabbed a rebound. I've never seen a team like this before in my career," Casey answered with a tired voice. Casey inquired, "Do we still have some money left for a few signings? I mean, you know, we really need to add to this team. I think a veteran presence who prides himself on defense would be a good addition."
Harring thought for a moment. Someone who can play defense, and is a veteran? Caron Butler was a free agent. Having Butler in Toronto would be a perfect match, plus the Dallas connection between Casey and Butler would definitely help the Raptors prevent from three-peating as the league's worst defense (can you say three-peat?) He was already having orgasms in his head. "What about Caron Butler?" There was a catch though, yesterday afternoon Harring read a tweet from Adrian Wojnarowski of Yahoo! that Butler was rumoured to be close to a deal with the LA Clippers.
The next day... ESPN wrote:
Butler spurns Clippers for RaptorsFree agent forward
Caron Butler changed his mind Wednesday morning and decided not to join the Los Angeles Clippers, opting instead to accept a three-year $26 million offer from the Toronto Raptors, sources told ESPN.com.
The decision left the Clippers livid and was a huge coup for the Raptors, who have promised Butler a huge proportion of the salary-cap space they have, with ten percent annual raises.
Butler will make about $2 million more over the life of the contract than he would have made in LA, but a bigger reason for his change of heart, a source told ESPN.com, was his desire to play in Toronto, and his familiarity with the Eastern Conference after having spent the four and a half seasons with the Wizards. (
Read more)
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ESPN wrote:Raptors sign Chris Wilcox
The Toronto Raptors have agreed to terms with free agent big man Chris Wilcox for a 1 year contract. The deal is reportedly worth $793k.
Wilcox last played for Pistons and has career averages of 8.8 points, 5.1 rebounds and 0.4 blocks. (Read more)
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ESPN wrote:
Hornets send pick for Raptors' WeemsThe Toronto raptors announced today that they have acquired a
2012 2nd rounder from the New Orleans Hornets in exchange for swingman
Sonny Weems. Last season, Weems averaged 9.2 points and 2.6 rebounds in 59 games. Weems missed a chunk of games due to a back injury, and was playing behind
James Johnson late in the season.(
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Toronto held a press-conference/team party in a Tim Horton's coffee house near downtown Toronto to introduce Butler and their other signing, Chris Wilcox.
"Great success, everybody! Great success!" Harring proclaimed with both fists in the air, after presenting the new acquisitions to the media present. The media, predominantly composed of Americans, were harassing Butler with a few questions:
"How does it feel to play in a foreign country?"
"You know with going to a different country, there's more taxes here. Are you going to keep all your receipts to receive maximum benefits?"
"Do you know how much taxes you will have to pay?"
"Did you know it snows 13 months a year here?"
Butler, smart enough to not fall for any of the questions, responded, "What is it with taxes and weather? Is that the two main subject people talk about in Canada? We're here to talk about me, okay, signing with the Raptors..." Meanwhile, the reporters were giving Wilcox the silent treatment.
Standing in the back was Bryan Colangelo, who was not happy at all. Not because of the questions thrown at Butler, but because of the money the Raptors were squandering (talk about hypocrisy). Colangelo then sent a text message to Casey and Harring to meet him in the office next morning.
The next morning..."Get up and get dressed, señor Jon. You got an appointment in the next half hour with señor Bryan," said Billy Bonkers, who also worked with the personal wake up service by day in the hotel Harring was staying.
"Uhh....My head hurts....oh it's you Billy....Uhh...what did we do last night?" asked Harring.
"If I remember correctly señor you were pretty baked when you said goodbye to us in the party after the presser, and had just eaten a bag of shrooms and three hits of acid. You were tripping pretty hard...here drink this." Bonkers had a glass of tap water in his hand and tried his best to get Harring out of his bed. After a few attempts, Bonkers was successful.
Just before taking a sip, Harring asked, "Hey what is this man?"
"Don't worry it's a Mexican sobering beverage, I learned to make from my father," Bonkers responded, already losing patience.
"Hey can you come with me in this meeting if you have nothing to do? That Colangelo guy creeps the shit out of me. He's got a fetish with Europeans or something. Did you know he pays the entire team in Euros?"....
Colangelo's office..."Oh you better have a good reason for getting as out of bed this morning," Harring was angry that all the partying in Tim Horton's last night didn't get him any sleep.
Colangelo shot back, "I got a goddamn great reason for getting you out of bed this morning. This team is hemorrhaging money!" Colangelo paused, turning his attention on a stack of papers sitting on his desk: financial reports, bills, receipts, etc. "Your bleeding us to death. Especially with that team credit card you got."
"Gotta spend money to make money. Economics 101 dude. By the way, that is for important business expenses, Bryan. Everything on there is a business expense," Harring replied.
Colangelo questioned his crew, "Who spent $157,000 on 100000 large cups of coffee from Tim Horton's?"
"Right over here, slick," Casey owned up to the accusation. "I was thinking of different ways to solve Bargnani's rebounding and defense. Coffee helps me think. I am currently experiencing severe heart palpitations but since I drank all that coffee I should be able to unleash the inner Mutombo in him this season."
"Who spent $26 million on signing Caron Butler?" Colangelo asked another one.
Harring spoke, "Uhh, your Executive VP. Season is saved because of me. Don't thank me everyone."
"He's turning 32 with a month left in 2011. He's had knee troubles his entire career, he's coming off a torn left ACL setback, and he's averaged 58.2 games per season since 2006. Yeah sign that stuff up, dude! Great idea, Einstein." Colangelo remarked, in a cunning yet witty manner.
Colangelo continued, "Who spent $50k on gas? Since when did we run anything on gas here?"
Billy Bonkers, the immigrant from Mexico who now works as the Raptors' Assistant Director of Basketball Development and operates the Raptors' practice facility, responded, "Well, senor Bryan, it was my idea that to scale on energy costs I would fill up a generator to run the gym. Because electricity is so goddamn expensive man."
Colangelo, now furious, remarked, "Are you kidding me?! Gasoline is like a thousand times more expensive than electricity!...And who are you anyway? Do you work for the team?" Colangelo turned his attention towards Harring. "I mean why is this guy here in our meeting?"
"Hey hey, calm down. Don't be all up his grill. Billy, here, has been part of our team for about a week now. He's from Mexico, moved all the way to north of the border by himself to provide a better life for his family." Harring backed up his Mexican buddy.
"Yeah right, so the point here is, Bryan, that these are all important business expenses. Some are definitely more realistic than others..." Casey added while giving Harring a pat on the shoulder, "But, nonetheless, it was, I believe, bought as a business expense."
Colangelo disagreed. "But they're not COST EFFECTIVE business expenses. What I bought IS a cost effective business expense. What I bought is gonna save our asses."
"Okay," said Bonkers.
"Yeah all right," said Harring.
"Whatcha got?" asked Casey.
"I bought a billboard..."
The new look Toronto skyline
