Lakers - The Evil Empire (2006-07 Season)

[selwyth]

Introduction

Another Lakers Dynasty. Sorry, but I didn’t want to wipe out my progress so far and start on some new, nobody’s-done-it dynasty with some salary c(r)apped-up team which nobody wants to use and is in the middle of nowhere (Warriors suck).

Anyway, this is a text-only Dynasty. My laptop can barely let me play a single game on minimum settings before breaking down and lagging all over. Fancy screenshot-taking and video-recording programs will just push it over the edge. 29 games because I play all of the games, and since my laptop acts up if I try to play more than 1 consecutive game, this is for the interest of time. Besides, I am more interested in taking this Dynasty quickly to the future (Year 5 and up) than following the real schedule. 9-min quarters because my defense is so bad that it leaks triple figures if I go higher (not to mention the dreaded laptop lag-blitz).

I hope this Dynasty will depict the Lakers as how I see them, being a Laker-hater who lives in L.A, and thus can’t help but follow them (Clippers suck). Love ‘em or hate ‘em, there’s no ignoring ‘em.

This Dynasty will pick up in January, since I had already played till then. Past information is presented if I can remember it.

[selwyth]

Overview

Roster for 2006-07
Starting Lineup
C Chris Kaman (62)
PF Lamar Odom (85)
SF Devean George (72)
SG Kobe Bryant (95)
PG TJ Ford (66)

Bench

Cordell Bowie (63, 2005 draft 57th pick, 6'7" PG, very quick)
Brian Cook (69)
Mitch Dickerson (61, 2005 draft 27th pick, 6'11" PF, shot-blocker)
Brian Grant (65)
Desmond Mason (70)
Mickael Pietrus (60)
Demian Beranek (53, 2005 undrafted PG, future prospect)

Reserves
Demitri Niinimaa (50, 2006 draft 58th pick, 6'8" SF, future prospect)

Schedule for 2006-07
11/1/2006, vs Golden State, 87-84, L
11/8/2006, @ Dallas, 108-105, W
11/11/2006, vs Portland, 85-108, W
11/21/2006, vs Cleveland, 95-98, W
12/5/2006, vs Atlanta, 55-98, W
12/8/2006, vs Phoenix, 108-100, L
12/13/2006, vs Boston, 102-107, W
12/17/2006, vs Miami, 86-106,W
12/26/2006, @ Seattle, 105-101, W
12/28/2006, @ Sacramento, 96-108, L
12/29/2006, @ Orlando, 92-110, L
1/7/2007, vs Utah, 89-99, W
1/8/2007, vs New York, 94-101, W
1/12/2007, vs Toronto, 101-106, W
2/5/2007, @ Detroit, 117-113, W (ot)
2/21/2007, @ Philadelphia, 106-82, W
2/24/2007, @ New Jersey, 120-79, W
3/4/2007, vs Houston, 98-103, W
3/9/2007, @ L.A. Clippers, 99-109, L
3/12/2007, vs Washington, 79-99, W
3/13/2007, @ Milwaukee, 97-114, L
3/20/2007, @ Chicago, 88-90, L
3/21/2007, vs New Orleans, 98-95, L
3/24/2007, @ Memphis, 105-102, W
3/26/2007, @ San Antonio, 111-116, L (ot)
4/3/2007, vs Denver, 73-75, W
4/24/2007, @ Minnesota
4/28/2007, vs Indiana
4/30/2007, @ Charlotte

Team Record: 17-9

Statistics

As of the All-Star Break of the 2006-2007 season:



Season Standings
As of the All-Star Break of the 2006-2007 season:


Roster Changes
1/16/2005: SF Caron Butler is traded to the Milwaukee Bucks for PG TJ Ford.
7/1/2005: C Vlade Divac retires.
7/9/2005: PG Sasha Vujacic's contract is not renewed.
7/9/2005: PG Tierre Brown's contract is not renewed.
7/5/2005: SF Devean George is re-signed for 5 more years.
7/5/2005: SF Luke Walton is re-signed for 5 more years.
7/10/2005: PF Mitch Dickerson is drafted with a 1st-round pick.
7/10/2005: PG Cordell Bowie is drafted with a 2nd-round pick.
7/14/2005: PG Damian Beranek is signed for 1 year at $385k.
11/22/2005: SF Luke Walton (63) is traded to the L.A. Clippers for C Chris Kaman (61).
7/4/2006: PG Damian Beranek is re-signed for 1 year.
7/6/2006: SF Jumaine Jones is re-resigned for 4 years.
7/9/2006: PG Chucky Atkins is re-signed for 1 year.
7/11/2006: SG Rasheed Taber is drafted with the 28th overall pick.
7/11/2006: SF Demetri Niinimaa is drafted with the 58th overall pick.
8/19/2006: SG Rasheed Taber (53) and PG Chucky Atkins (58) are traded to the Golden State Warriors for SG Mickael Pietrus (60).
12/31/2006: SF Jumaine Jones (63) is traded to the Miami Heat for C Michael Doleac (54) and a first-round draft pick.
12/31/2006: C Michael Doleac (54) and C Chris Mihm (58) are traded to the Milwaukee Bucks for Desmond Mason (70).

Trophy Cabinet
December 2004 West Player of the Month (Kobe Bryant)
2005 3-Point Shootout Champion (Chucky Atkins)
2005 All-Star Game MVP (Kobe Bryant)
2005 All-NBA Team 1 (Kobe Bryant)
2005 All-Defensive Team 1 (Kobe Bryant)
2005 Western Conference Champions
2005 NBA Champions
2005 NBA Finals MVP (Kobe Bryant)
2006 Slam Dunk Champion (Kobe Bryant)
2006 Pacific Division Title
2006 All-NBA Team 1 (Kobe Bryant)
2006 All-Defensive Team 1 (Kobe Bryant)
2006 Sixth Man of the Year (Brian Cook)
2006 Western Conference Champions
March 2007 West Player of the Month (Kobe Bryant)

[selwyth]

Overview (continued)

Playoffs

2005 Playoff Tree:


History
2005-06
Regular season: 21-8 (1st in Pacific, 2nd in West, 3rd in League)
Playoffs: Beat Sonics 2-1, Grizzlies 2-0, Timberwolves 2-1, Lost to Pistons 2-1.
Sixth Man of the Year (Brian Cook)
All-NBA Team 1 (Kobe Bryant)
All-Defensive Team 1 (Kobe Bryant)
Slam Dunk Contest Champion (Kobe Bryant)
Western Conference Champions

2004-05
Regular season: 20-9 (2nd in Pacific, 3rd in West, 4th in League)
Playoffs: Beat Spurs 2-1, Kings 2-0, Nuggets 2-0, Heat 2-1.
December Player of the Month (Kobe Bryant)
3-Point Shootout Champion (Chucky Atkins)
All-NBA Team 1 (Kobe Bryant)
All-Defensive Team 1 (Kobe Bryant)
Western Conference Champions
NBA Champions

[selwyth]

New Lakers GM Named

10/26/2004 – Just days before the start of the regular season, all is in turmoil once again in Laker-land. Mitch Kupchack was fired yesterday by owner Jerry Buss for “hitting on my [Kobe Bryant’s] wife”, and Selwyth was named as GM earlier today in a press conference.

“Kobe didn’t specifically ask me to fire Kupchack,” Buss clarified during the press conference. “I just felt that we should do all we can do make Kobe feel happy and at home here, as this is his team. Uncalled-for advances on Vanessa Bryant are definitely not allowed, and punishable as I deem fit.”

Selwyth was hired as a replacement by Buss, though the hot rumor is that Bryant had wanted Selwyth in all along and had engineered Kupchack’s misconduct to help shoo Selwyth in for the job.

“Nonsense,” new GM Selwyth announced at the press conference in response to the rumors. “I think Vanessa is hot, and I really want to sleep with her, but I don’t tell anybody, and I certainly don’t let her know. That’s how I’m different from Kupchack. That’s why that dumb idiot got fired.”

Selwyth takes over the reins of a new-look team with a new coach. He promised a running game, with Bryant scoring every single Laker point and touching the ball on every Laker possession. He has his task set out for him, after last year’s devastating loss to the Detroit Pistons in the NBA Finals, and the dismantling of the team.

“Just don’t use the ‘r’ word,” Selwyth warned. “We’re gonna build on last year’s success, even if we no longer have 3 extra Hall of Fame whiners. You only need one: Kobe.”

The Lakers open the season on November 13 against the Indiana Pacers at Staples Center.

[selwyth]

Knicks 89
Lakers 86

Crawford Ousts the Lakers

12/29/2004 – With 4 seconds to go, Knicks guard Jamal Crawford took Lakers star Kobe Bryant one-on-one and shot a 3-pointer over him, breaking the tie and handing the Knicks their sixth win in a row.

“That was just plain luck,” a clearly incensed Bryant said after the game. “I followed his every single step, and was fingertips away from swatting his shot, but somehow, he got lucky. Won’t ever happen again.”

If all Crawford had was luck, Bryant certainly did not rub off on it. With just over 2 seconds left in the game, he managed to dribble to the top of the arc, but his desperation 3-pointer at the buzzer fell short.

The Lakers had earlier tied the game with 10 seconds left after Chris Mihm had strayed from the paint and blocked Crawford’s earlier 3-point attempt, before chasing the ball down for a fast-break dunk. The Knicks then took a timeout to set up the game-winning play.

[selwyth]

Kobe Named December's West Player of the Month

1/1/2005 – New year, new battlegrounds. Make that 1-0 in Kobe Bryant’s personal struggle to one-up former Lakers center Shaquille O’Neal. Bryant has been named Player of the Month in the Western Conference for December 2004, in which he raised his level of play and became a legitimate candidate for season MVP.

The Lakers emerged from a tough month 6-4, and could have lost more games if not for Bryant’s consistent production. For the month of December, Bryant averaged 25.2 points, 3.8 rebounds, 3.5 assists, 1.2 blocks and 3.0 steals.

All eyes are set for the Lakers-Heat showdown on April 4, even though the Heat have faltered early in the season, with only the expansion Charlotte Bobcats underneath them in the Southeast Division. As Kobe put it, “I’d rather drain 30 in Shaq’s face than win all these MVP awards.”

[selwyth]

Lakers Finally Get a Point Guard

1/16/2005 – It is the dream trade which most Lakers pundits have wanted: trading a small forward on the bench for an explosive, speedy starter at the point. Earlier this morning, Lakers forward Caron Butler was dealt to the Milwaukee Bucks for 2nd-year guard TJ Ford.

“Our team lacked a solid passer who could come up with timely assists for wide-open shots in the clutch,” coach Rudy Tomjanovich commented. “Ford has some excellent dribbling and passing moves in his arsenal, and his speed helps a lot with our running game.”

Ford is expected to replace Chucky Atkins in the starting lineup. Atkins has always been more a spot-up shooter than a playmaker. His 3.4 assists rank only 3rd on the team. His .520 3-point shooting percentage, however, places him 5th in the league. With Atkins as backup, 1st-year and 3rd-year guards Sasha Vujacic and Tierre Brown are expected to clock much fewer minutes. Of this, Tomjanovich and GM Selwyth had conflicting opinions.

“Brown and Vujacic are promising young players, but their contracts expire at the end of the season. We want to make sure we have options at the point come July,” Tomjanovich explained.

“Brown and Vujacic suck,” Selwyth said simply. “We’re letting them go at the end of the season.”

Caron Butler has been a key player off the bench, averaging 5.4 points a game. He, together with Kobe Bryant and Devean George, often triggers fast breaks and finishes them with easy dunks in the open court. His absence will be missed, but hopefully not too much by the Lakers’ depth at the small forward position.

“I offered the Bucks Jumaine Jones. They didn’t want him,” shrugged Selwyth.

Instead, Jones will now compete with Luke Walton and Brian Cook for minutes behind starter Devean George. Jones is expected to enter the rotation, having not played a game in the season so far.

But it is on TJ Ford which the spotlight falls heaviest. He has had a solid sophomore season so far, averaging 7.5 points and 5.8 assists a game with the Bucks, and will be looking at adding to those totals with the Lakers. The trade comes in time for Ford to start in the Lakers’ next game against New Jersey on January 29, when he is expected to match up against Jason Kidd, the purest point guard in the league.

“His passing and ball-handling will take much of the pressure off Kobe,” Selwyth was quoted. “That’s what I want to see: TJ getting the ball to Kobe and Kobe raining in treys. I want 10 dimes and 15 buckets from them respectively, every night.”

The Ford pick-up (no pun intended) had come as a surprise. Much of the Lakers’ trade negotiations had been centered around Miami’s Damon Jones, but the Ford trade was finalized after repeated negotiations with the Heat fell through. Rumors circulate that former Lakers center Shaquille O’Neal had done his utmost to block any trade between the Lakers and Heat.

“Shaq knows he’s on the weaker team, and needs all the help he can get,” Bryant spoke through a press statement released yesterday. “But it doesn’t matter. None of the help in the world can stop us from running him haggard on April 4.”

Pundits generally agree that the trade will benefit the Lakers, but debate over Butler’s usefulness at Milwaukee, where he will compete for minutes with Keith van Horn, Desmond Mason and Marcus Fizer.

“Don’t ask me why they agreed,” Selwyth answered when the question was posed to him. “They’re the stupid ones, not us.”

[selwyth]

Lakers 96
New Jersey 102

No Kidding for the Lakers

1/29/2005 – Jason Kidd scored 21 of his 35 points in the 1st quarter, including all 4 of his 3-pointers, and the Nets never looked back, snapping the Lakers’ 4-game winning streak.

Kidd also dished out 5 assists and pulled down 5 rebounds, and caused the Lakers all sorts of match-up problems. His monstrous performance spoiled TJ Ford’s debut with the Lakers. Ford had a much quieter night, scoring 8 points and recording 8 assists. The Lakers bench was more concerned, though, when Ford was banged up by Nets forward Eric Williams in the 3rd quarter on a drive to the basket.

“Now I know why Milwaukee was so happy to offload Ford to us,” Selwyth seethed after the game. “He gets injured way too easily. Stupid softy.”

Ford did suffer an injury to his thumb, but was able to return in the 4th quarter. He is day-to-day but not expected to miss any games.

Despite Kidd’s performance, the Lakers were only down 96-98 with 45 seconds to go. Lamar Odom handled the ball and picked up a charge, his sixth personal foul, against Nets forward Aaron Williams.

“That’s when we kinda knew we had lost our chance,” Kobe Bryant said in a post-game interview. “I know I’m Superman and all, but Superman needs a sidekick, and with Odom gone, nobody stepped up.”

Eric Williams converted on the next possession, and Bryant’s 16-footer did not find the mark. Kidd then netted two free throws to seal the win.

[selwyth]

Lakers 98
Clippers 81

Staples Center Battle is No Contest

2/8/2005 – The Clippers, once again, will probably not see post-season basketball action this year after a 98-81 defeat to a well-rested Lakers side virtually eliminated their chances at fighting for a playoff spot.

“Clippers suck,” General Manager Selwyth said simply. “Why would you want to support our less fortunate cousins when you can watch us win instead?”

The Clippers started poorly, missing their first six from the field. They never recovered, as the Lakers at one point led by as much as 28. Clippers stars Corey Maggette and Elton Brand both missed significant minutes in the 2nd and 3rd quarters due to foul trouble.

All five Lakers scored in double figures, and all 12 players on the active roster scored, as the Lakers cruised to an unexpectedly comfortable victory against their cross-town rivals. Kobe Bryant led the charge with 26 points and 5 steals.

[selwyth]

Bobcats 101
Lakers 86

4th-Quarter Collapse Causes Upset

2/11/2005 – Eddie House scored a season-high 30 points, including 15 in the 4th quarter, to lead the expansion Charlotte Bobcats to their 4th win of the season over the Los Angeles Lakers. His accurate shooting down the stretch formed only part of the misery for the Lakers, who were outscored 37-21 in the final period.

“That was unacceptable,” coach Rudy Tomjanovich stated after the game. “House was hitting shot after shot, and our defense just fell apart.”

Defensive assignment Kobe Bryant refused to take any blame for House’s hot shooting, citing that the latter just “got lucky”.

“Really, with the shot clock winding down and me sticking a hand in his face, and him still hitting the f***ing 3-pointer, that’s just plain luck,” Bryant explained in a post-game interview, looking noticeably irate. “9 times out of 10, he’s not going to hit that. He just got lucky this time. We’re better than them when it comes to skill and talent, and we know it. Today, we just didn’t have the luck.”

2nd overall pick in the 2004 draft, Emeka Okafor, had a quiet night, scoring just 4 points and grabbing 6 rebounds under the double-team attention given by the Lakers. 2 of those points came from an emphatic dunk in the dying seconds of the game.

“House had the hot hand, so I was content to just kick it out and let our perimeter shooters do the work,” said Okafor. “In the end, it’s the win that counts.”

Lakers General Manager Selwyth begged to differ. “Okafor sucks. He’s just some overhyped bunch of baloney. Statistics don’t lie.” When asked to elaborate, Selwyth referred to the box scores. “Our frontcourt dominated theirs. We out-rebounded them 48-29 and totally outscored them in the paint. Okafor didn’t kick it out because House was hot. He did it because he had no hops to get past [Lamar] Odom and [Vlade] Divac.” Asked to comment about House’s shooting, Selwyth replied, “He’s just a one-trick pony who’s going to flop in his next game. They’re 4-11, not us.”

Kobe Bryant led the Lakers with 27 points. New signing TJ Ford continued to settle into his role as playmaker, dishing out a game-high 10 assists.

At the halftime break, the Lakers were held to a season-low 37 points, and would have been down more than 4 points, had Bryant not hit a desperation 3-pointer at the buzzer. They took the lead after the break, but could not stop the Bobcats from taking over in the 4th quarter. With the loss, the Lakers enter the All-Star weekend with a 13-8 record, good enough for 2nd in the Pacific Division behind the Sacramento Kings.

[selwyth]

Lakers Feature Prominently in All-Star Weekend

2/14/2005 – The invitations are in, and for a few Lakers, the All-Star Weekend will not provide much of a break from basketball.

Shooting guard Kobe Bryant has been invited to the Slam Dunk contest and 3-Point Shootout, and is a starter in the All-Star Game, making him the only player this year to appear in 3 competitions. Backup point guard Chucky Atkins, ranked 5th in the league in 3-point shooting, will also be in the 3-point shootout. In addition, power forward Lamar Odom and 2nd-year guard TJ Ford will come off the bench in the All-Star Game and Rookie Challenge respectively.

“This is great for Lakers basketball,” Selwyth beamed during the press conference. “We, in the traditional Lakers spirit, are going to go for any award up for grabs in these competitions. We want a total sweep of everything the NBA has to offer, because we're the best.”

[SkipToMy_Lou]

Nice start, writeups have good flow in them.
Hope you can keep it up

[kibaxx7]

Excellent write, congratulations

[flipz]

HE hit on Kobe's wife?! hahahaha

[LegoTP]

Nice start, much better than my dynasty.

[Lamboy]

Evil empire????????? crreeeppy title, i can't figure out ur motives?????

[selwyth]

Thanks for the comments. Stats and standings added. Check out how Miami can still make the playoffs by winning the Southeast Division even though they're 4-11 (and 1.5 games behind). Very lopsided

[Donatello]

verrrrry nice. it's not too often i can sit and read something, but i did with this. good work

[selwyth]

Mid-season Player Analysis

2/16/2005 – General Manager Selwyth prohibits use of the ‘r’ word, and he could very well be justified. The Lakers have not been as woeful as their detractors had predicted them to be after the dismantling of yesteryear’s All-Star team. Unfortunately, as a result, some egos will never be deflated.

“We’re playing better than last year,” shooting guard Kobe Bryant announced in an interview. “It might not look so on paper, but you can definitely feel it. It’s the atmosphere in the locker room, the plays on the court. I really feel like what we have right now is genuinely, uniquely me. Oh, and my team.”

And of course, it does not hurt that “The Great Enemy” is languishing mid-season. The Miami Heat are 4-11, and have never got off the ground this season with their new line-up.

“I’m actually kinda disappointed about the struggles of The Great Enemy [Bryant was forbidden by a court order yesterday to mention the name of a certain former Laker center],” Bryant mentioned during the interview. “It means we don’t get to wallop them in the NBA Finals. Not that I’m saying that the Heat are good enough to get into the Finals, just that they have it easy in the East. The Great Enemy thinks he pulled a big easy by escaping to the East, but we are still going to hunt him down, be it April 4 or 4-0.”

On the subject of NBA Finals, Bryant showed no trace of consternation. “Oh yes, I will definitely be there. My team, that is.”

With the trade deadline fast approaching, here is a look at how each Laker has fared in the first half of the season, who should stay, and who should go.

Vlade Divac – Enjoyed a fairy-tale return to the Lakers early in the season with frequent double-doubles, but his production has been on a steady decline ever since. It does not help that backup center Chris Mihm’s numbers have increased with every game. Divac is fighting to hold on to that starting position. He has the edge in the battle. Coach Rudy Tomjanovich comments, “He is more versatile: passing, rebounding, blocking, shooting, experience. He has the complete package.” Selwyth agrees to a certain extent. “He’s getting a little too old for me, so I want to deal him end-of-season. Before that, I wanna drain every last bit of strength and power from those cranky knees.”

Lamar Odom – Odom is an unheralded inside force, and much of that negligence stems from his liability on defense. Against the great power forwards of the West, Odom has often been found missing, flailing, or both. But he makes up for it with his offensive skills. His versatility and talents on offence make him a handful to defend, and create match-up problems for most teams. This versatility has sent him to the free-throw line a league-high 136 times. Once he learns to utilize his length on defense and convert a higher percentage of his free throws, Odom can consistently produce 20-point, 10-rebound performances.

Devean George – George is the 3rd-leading scorer on the team, which is all the more remarkable, as plays are rarely called for him. Instead, he gets out quickly on fast breaks and always looks for space for the open shot. He is slowly developing, and will have the complete package once he figures out how to create openings for himself.

Kobe Bryant – He has not been hogging the ball as much as fans expected him to, but make no mistake: he is a ball-hog. Letting TJ Ford or Chucky Atkins dribble the ball to the half-court and getting the pass is not ball distribution, and dropping a rare shot over 3 defenders is not beautiful team basketball. That said, Bryant is still the undisputed star of the team, and it is unlikely that he will be leaving Los Angeles anytime soon now that his band of servants and worshippers are in check.

TJ Ford – Quick as the wind, but not much else. Ford makes every uncontested jump shot look like the heave of his life, but on Kobe Bryant’s team, that is a good thing.

Chris Mihm – Young and promising, and developing into a great inside presence on defense. If only he could replicate that on the other end of the court. Shooting 43% from the field is atrocious for a big man. Mihm has to realize he does not have a 12-footer.

Brian Grant – What he lacks in height, he makes up for with hustle. Grant regularly pulls down rebounds in the face of taller players, and has been shooting the ball well from the field, ranking 5th in the league. His secret is shot-selection: Grant only goes up for the lay-ups and bank shots he knows he can definitely make. Everything else, he gives to the open man. Even Selwyth, who had tried to get rid of Grant and his exorbitant salary earlier in the season, had to admit a measure of defeat. “Grant just has better intelligence and awareness on the court. Which makes him a very real threat to Kobe’s leadership. He’s out.”

Brian Cook – Played in few games, but could become a significant part of the rotation if he continues working on his long-range jumper. “We need a power forward who can come off the bench and hit outside shots,” analyzed Tomjanovich. Selwyth had another piece of sage advice to offer, “[Sonic] V-Rad will B-Cooked!”

Luke Walton – Has had limited minutes, and performed erratically when on the court. He either makes costly turnovers (overtime loss to the Denver Nuggets) or comes up with timely assists and accurate 3-point shooting (garbage time in every other game). He is an ongoing project in need of further development. “We know he sucks,” Selwyth was frank, “but he brings in the ticket sales from those teenage girls. So we gotta put him on the floor for like a minute each game to placate them. He’s our mascot. Gets me the chicks too.”

Jumaine Jones – Was stifled out of the rotation earlier in the season, but has found daylight after Caron Butler went to Milwaukee. Has not made much of an impact, however. Will have to step up, especially with Kareem Rush’s ongoing feud with Lakers management; he might soon have to back Bryant up.

Kareem Rush – The current outcast of the team. He voiced what he thought of Bryant eating away all his minutes and in doing so, broke the unofficial commandment of Lakers basketball: you do not mention “Kobe” and “sucks” in the same breath. The result has been increased minutes on the bench and active trade negotiations. Not that Rush ever was a big part of the team with his trigger-happy, inconsistent shooting.

Chucky Atkins – Too uncreative to be a point guard, too short to be a shooting guard. This unfortunate combination of genetic and personal factors has relegated Atkins to the bench once more. Has to keep up with the solid 3-point shooting.

Sasha Vujacic – Showed promise early in the season, but soon regularly recorded 0s in every column except turnovers and minutes. His height is a plus, but if it interferes too much with his ball-handling, he will not be a Laker for long. The addition of Ford to the team did not help any.

Slava Medvedenko – Thrice Cook’s salary, a third of Cook’s abilities. Scrap.

Tierre Brown – As Jamal Sampson, Tony Bobbitt and Gary Payton will tell you, you are a Laker Loser. Don’t worry, it’s not your fault that you’re shorter than Vujacic. Blame it on your mom.

[Donatello]

You're hilarious. I hope this doesn't fade into obscurity like half (2/3?) the dynasties started on this board.

Please, please, please continue. I really mean it. This is great

“We know he sucks,” Selwyth was frank, “but he brings in the ticket sales from those teenage girls. So we gotta put him on the floor for like a minute each game to placate them He’s our mascot. Gets me the chicks too.”

"Don’t worry, it’s not your fault that you’re shorter than Vujacic. Blame it on your mom."

But....the Clippers don't suck

[selwyth]

Rookie Challenge

Rookies
C Robert Swift, SEA
PF Emeka Okafor, CHA
SF Andre Iguodala, PHI
SG Ben Gordon, CHI
PG Devin Harris, DAL

SF Andres Nocioni, CHI
PF Dwight Howard, ORL
SF Luol Deng, CHI
PG Jameer Nelson, ORL

Sophomores
C Chris Kaman, LAC
PF Chris Bosh, TOR
SF Carmelo Anthony, DEN
SG Lebron James, CLE
PG Kirk Hinrich, CHI

PG Dwayne Wade, MIA
SF Josh Howard, DAL
SG Boris Diaw, ATL
PG TJ Ford, LAL

Rookies 93
Sophomores 117

James is a Rising Star

2/18/2004 – Lebron James’ meteoric rise to stardom continues as he helps the Sophomores to a blowout victory against the Rookies in the Rookie Challenge. He was named Rookie Challenge MVP in the process, scoring a game-high 30 points and was stellar on the defensive end, recording 2 blocks and 7 steals.

The Sophomore victory came as no surprise, considering last year’s extremely strong draft class. The 2nd-year players started strong with an 11-2 run, and never looked in danger of losing the game after that. They did hit a tough spot in the 3rd quarter, being held down to 39% shooting, and the Rookies drew to within 5 points, but a strong run from the end of the period to the start of the 4th sealed the win. The Rookies were outscored in the 4th quarter 39-26.

Every Sophomore turned in sublime performances. Clippers Center Chris Kaman was the all-rounder, scoring 18, pulling 9 rebounds, dishing out 6 assists, swatting 6 and stealing 2, but lost out on the MVP trophy as he was not the game-turning factor that James was. Bench players Josh Howard and Dwayne Wade were instrumental in the victory, being the 3rd and 4th scorers respectively. Carmelo Anthony had a quiet night in front of his home fans, and only looked impressive in a 3rd-quarter spurt, when he made three consecutive shots on consecutive possessions. That hot hand was fuelled by an assist from James, his rival.

James was the real star of the show. He showed everything, from draining 3-pointers, staying active and fleet-footed on defense, and, of course, showing off an impressive array of dunks and mid-air athleticism.

Devin Harris paced the Rookies with 22 points, but Iguodala was the all-rounder with 14 points, 9 rebounds and 4 assists. His exciting plays, including a dunk over Anthony and a perfect dish to Dwight Howard for an astonishing alley-oop dunk, brought life to an otherwise overwhelmed Rookies team. The Rookies big men out-rebounded the smaller Sophomores, as expected (the final tally was 43-34), but it had no bearing on the final outcome.

TJ Ford of the Lakers was consistent in limited minutes behind Kirk Hinrich and Dwayne Wade. He scored 6 points, all off driving lay-ups, passed for 2 assists, and triggered many fast breaks with his quick passing for easy dunks.

[selwyth]

Atkins is the New Sharpshooter

2/19/2004 – Chucky Atkins may be languishing on the bench for now, but on Saturday, he was the star. From a field comprising the league’s best 3-point shooters, he prevailed to be crowned the 2005 3-point Shootout Champion. The other 7 shooters were Kobe Bryant, Eddie Jones, Ray Allen, Rafer Alston, Jamaal Tinsley, Cuttino Mobley and Dirk Nowitzki.

Atkins remained under the radar for most of the competition, usually slipping into the next round by posting the cut-off score – he narrowly got out of a tie-breaker round against Mobley in the semi-final round – before raising the bar for his final showdown against Jamaal Tinsley. He went first, scoring 20 points, enough to best Tinsley’s follow-up effort of 13 and earn the bragging rights of world’s best shooter for the rest of the year.

The other Laker in the competition, Bryant, did not do as well. He was eliminated in the first round after losing another tie-breaker to Mobley.

“I am disappointed that I lost,” Bryant said after the contest. “But not as much as you would think. I’m sure Atkins is aware that anything he wins is a result of my guidance. Do you think he could shoot that well under pressure without some tips from me? Who is the one making those clutch 3-pointers at the buzzer in close games? Who, in those games, looks on from the bench? The award says nothing of his ability relative to me, and I’m sure Atkins knows it.”

It was double disappointment for Bryant, as he had faltered earlier in the day during the Slam Dunk Contest. He failed to throw down his first dunk in the second round, and did not manage to convert either on his replacement attempt, causing him to drop out of the running. Vince Carter (Toronto) became the eventual winner. Jonathan Bender (Indiana) and Amare Stoudemire (Phoenix) were the other 2 contestants.

“I was going to throw it down. I could feel it,” Bryant said of his bungled replacement attempt, an alley-oop toss into a “Statue of Liberty” dunk. “But in mid-air, I realized it would be nice to give Vince a break. I mean, his team is all in a mess and stuff, and every single person in Toronto seems to hate him these days. So I threw the ball off the rim.”

When asked if the possibility of Jonathan Bender – the other contestant left in the competition at that point – winning the contest had crossed his mind then, Bryant shook his head emphatically. “I had full confidence in Vince,” he asserted. “I knew he would be able to step up once I opened the door. Only I am better than Vince in dunking, so I was pretty sure Vince had it in the bag, once I threw it to him.”

So why did Bryant not throw the contest during the final round? "I was afraid that I would beat him 'by accident'. You guys must understand that dunking comes so natural to me, that I always get 50s without trying."

[selwyth]

Eastern All-Stars
C Shaquille O’Neal, MIA
PF Antoine Walker, ATL
SF Ricky Davis, BOS
SG Paul Pierce, BOS
PG Allen Iverson, PHI

C Zydrunas Ilgauskas, CLE
PF Emeka Okafor, CHA
SG Michael Redd, MIL
PG Steve Francis, ORL
PG Gary Payton, BOS
SF Grant Hill, ORL
SF Al Harrington, ATL

Western All-Stars
C Brad Miller, SAC
PF Elton Brand, LAC
SF Peja Stojakovic, SAC
SG Kobe Bryant, LAL
PG Baron Davis, NO

PF Dirk Nowitzki, DAL
PF Pau Gasol, MEM
PF Lamar Odom, LAL
SG Tracy McGrady, HOU
C Jamal Magloire, NO
SF Bobby Simmons, LAC
PG Jason Williams, MEM

East 102
West 107

Bryant Rules All-Star Game

2/20/2005 – The first on-court showdown between Lakers guard Kobe Bryant and former Lakers center Shaquille O’Neal caused television ratings for the 2005 All-Star Game to shoot through the roof.

Nobody in the NBA would admit it, but the significance of the event was subliminal. Both players were introduced last on their teams, and they scored the first points of the game for their respective teams.

O’Neal had a monster night, scoring 16 and pulling down 15 rebounds. Remarkably, he never missed a shot from the field, hitting all 7 of his field-goal attempts.

But Bryant was on the winning team, and ultimately captured the All-Star Game Most Valuable Player trophy. Bryant led all scorers with 26 points, and came up with 5 assists, 4 blocks and 5 steals. He also displayed an uncanny willingness to penetrate and come up against O’Neal in the lane, something his teammates refrained from doing. For his efforts, he made two highlight-reel plays: a dunk with O’Neal in close proximity, and an adjusted lay-up to avoid O’Neal’s incoming block.

But it was not just the Bryant-O’Neal feud that enlivened the game. Elsewhere, Peja Stojakovic had the hot hand, making two consecutive 3-pointers early in the game to give the West an 8-2 lead. He finished with 4 of 7 from behind the arc and 18 points. Michael Redd shot a lights-out 80% to earn his 20 points, before he was injured during the 3rd quarter in a mid-air collision with Bryant. The Celtics are also not pleased either with an injury to Ricky Davis’ lower back, sustained in the 4th quarter.

The West and East went toe-to-toe for the most part. Midway in the 3rd, the East began to pull away, leading by 10 at one point. But Jason Williams made 3 consecutive shots down the stretch (he finished 4 for 4) to inspire the West back into the game and tie the score at 76 by the end of the period. Even near the end of the game, at the 1:30 mark, the score was still tied, 97-97. Off an inbound pass, Bryant handled the ball, found an open Stojakovic behind the arc, and the game-turning play was made.

O’Neal refused to comment after the game, and Bryant’s post-game interview has been deemed too inappropriate to be printed here.

[selwyth]

Please, please, please continue. I really mean it. This is great

Thanks. Chances are I should be in for the long haul.

[selwyth]

Carter Swears Vengeance

2/21/2004 – It seems that everybody wants a piece of Lakers guard Kobe Bryant these days.

Vince Carter was noticeably incensed today during a press conference in response to Bryant’s remarks made about him winning the 2005 Slam Dunk Contest. Bryant, a loser in the contest, was quoted yesterday as saying that “I am better than Vince in dunking” and that he had wanted to give Carter “a break”, suggesting that Carter only won because he had thrown the contest.

“I don’t know what kind of immature game he [Bryant] is playing,” Carter shot back during the press conference. “But his comments are a sorry excuse. He did his best, had his two attempts, and he knows it, and it wasn’t good enough to beat me.”

According to Carter, there was “no question” about who is the true slam dunk champion of the year. “I earned it,” he affirmed. “I was proud to compete with Jonathan [Bender] and Amare [Stoudamire] in the same field, but Kobe is just a sore loser.”

These comments come just in time for tonight’s game, when the Lakers will host the struggling Toronto Raptors at Staples Center. Carter will have something to prove.

“It is none of Kobe’s business to go dissing people like that,” Carter warned. “But he did, so I am going to take my best game to him and teach him how to back off.”

Bryant was unavailable for comment. Lakers General Manager, Selwyth, however had a response.

“The 2005 Slam Dunk Contest trophy was ours. Vince stole it from us, and for that, he will pay.”