I've finally done it: given-up on playing online through EASO. Endless connection errors and idiots online have brought that era to a close for me. So I figure I'm done with Live, as I wasn't enjoying the gameplay in the single-player mode.
Enter the sliders listed in Andrew's roster patch. I'm using them exactly as written except I have the game speed bumped up to 60, and wow! the game is 100% better than with the default sliders. Great job Andrew, and other who helped out.