read and weep.
Sun Sep 14, 2003 4:39 pm
Baked Beans
A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but they always had a somewhat lively effect on him. After he met the woman of his dreams, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave them up; he couldn't imagine subjecting his new wife to his beastly emissions.
On his birthday, his car broke down, so he called his wife and told her that he'd have to walk home. He walked past a cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he was still a couple of miles from home, he figured he could indulge and then walk off any ill effects. So he had three extra large helpings of beans, and he "put-putted" all the way home.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"
She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table, making him promise not to peek. At this point, he was beginning to feel something coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang and she went to answer it.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He gasped and felt for his napkin, and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. This one sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled even worse. He tried flapping his arms to clear the air. But another one snuck out, and the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook, and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.
When he heard his wife ending her conversation, he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. He was the picture of innocence when she walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. He assured her that he had not, so she removed the blindfold and yelled, "Surprise!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were 12 dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but they always had a somewhat lively effect on him. After he met the woman of his dreams, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave them up; he couldn't imagine subjecting his new wife to his beastly emissions.
On his birthday, his car broke down, so he called his wife and told her that he'd have to walk home. He walked past a cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he was still a couple of miles from home, he figured he could indulge and then walk off any ill effects. So he had three extra large helpings of beans, and he "put-putted" all the way home.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"
She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table, making him promise not to peek. At this point, he was beginning to feel something coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang and she went to answer it.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He gasped and felt for his napkin, and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. This one sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled even worse. He tried flapping his arms to clear the air. But another one snuck out, and the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook, and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.
When he heard his wife ending her conversation, he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. He was the picture of innocence when she walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. He assured her that he had not, so she removed the blindfold and yelled, "Surprise!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were 12 dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
Sun Sep 14, 2003 4:52 pm
Read it before, but it's a pretty good joke. 
Actually, in the one I read, it was actually the wife that had a thing for baked beans so not to be sexist or anything but I think it had an interesting edge over this version.
Actually, in the one I read, it was actually the wife that had a thing for baked beans so not to be sexist or anything but I think it had an interesting edge over this version.
Sun Sep 14, 2003 9:22 pm
man, you got me ROFL with that 
Sun Sep 14, 2003 9:47 pm
funny as hell
Sun Sep 14, 2003 10:16 pm
Great joke! i allmost fell of a chair....
Mon Sep 15, 2003 12:16 am
Guests:
Man:
Man:
Mon Sep 15, 2003 12:36 am
heh good one...
I think the guy would be boasting after that!
If it was a woman in his position she would be embarassed. But the guy... he's be asking for a lighter
I think the guy would be boasting after that!
If it was a woman in his position she would be embarassed. But the guy... he's be asking for a lighter
Wed Sep 17, 2003 9:40 am
HAHAHHAhA that was hilarious!