50 fun things to do to telemarketers (funny read)

[Full Surface]

I found this at my mailbox

1. Talk really fast.

2. Turn on the TV. Change the channel to one that only gets
static. Turn the volume up really loud. Say that you can't hear
them over the static.

3. Make up your own language. Speak it.

4. Hang up.

5. Make up a one word language. Speak it.

6. Say, "This phone line is for emergency use only. Do you have
an emergency?"

7. If they say "Yes" to number 6 say, "Please state the nature of
the emergency." Then insist that their emergency isn't an
emergency. Hang up.

8. If they say "No" to number 6 say, "I'm sorry but this line is
for emergencies only." Hang up.

9. Pretend you just took hostages, and make demands.

10. Pretend that you are a hostage negotiator, and try to get the
telemarketer to release the hostages.

11. Order a large pepperoni pizza, some garlic bread, and a
meatball sub.

12. Pretend that your phone line is an automatic phone sex line.

13. Dial the phone and say, "Hey! I lent you 50 bucks. You
better pay up or else I'm gonna come over there and hurt you! "

14. Repeatedly dial the phone. Mutter that it isn't ringing.

15. Claim to be the mafia.

16. Say, "Moe's tavern Moe speaking."

17. Say something that Moe would say to Bart after Bart makes a
prank call.

18. Ask him/her if he/she would like a magazine or newspaper
subscription.

19. Ask the telemarketer to find your friend Mike last name
Rotch. Claim you will only buy a subscription from them.

20. Say, "Oh no! It's the Feds! They're on to us!"

21. Claim to be the FBI. Say, "This is the Federal Bureau of
Investigation. How may I help you?"

22. Dial *69. Wait about a minute and say, "Damn unreliable
*69."

23. Speak a foreign language.

24. If you do # 24 and the telemarketer gets a person who speaks
the language you used, speak another language, use a made up
language, or say that you were speaking English the whole time.

25. Pretend that the telemarketer is your husband/wife or
boyfriend/girlfriend. Talk sexually, making references to what
you are going to do to him/her later tonight. When you "realize"
that you are not speaking to your
husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend yell, "Pervert!" Slam the phone
down to hang up.

26. Say, "Help! I'm being robbed! He's got a gun!"

27. Communicate only through Morse code.

28. Talk to the telemarketer. During the conversation dial the
phone, and ask for Bill. Do this repeatedly.

29. Try to sell the telemarketer something.

30. Act drunk.

31. Turn on your shower. Say that you are on a portable phone
and are really late for an important meeting. Scream as though
you were electrocuted.

32. Ask him/her if he/she can smell bacon. Insist that there is
a strong scent of bacon over the phone.

33. Ask if he/she has been to Australia. Regardless of his/her
answer ask if you can buy a boomerang and didgeridoo.

34. If he/she says "No" to #36 insist that he/she buy yours.

35. If he/she says "Yes" to #36 ask if he/she will take a strange
currency.

36. Pretend to be an escaped mental patient. Mutter things like,
"They'll never catch me again," "No! Not the jacket! No, no, no!"
After saying one of these mutter incoherently.

37. Make him/her dance for a sale. Claim that you won't buy
because you couldn't see him/her dance.

38. Make him/her sing to get a sale.

39. If a male sings for #41, claim that he sounds like Brittany
Spears.

40. If a female sings for #41, claim that she sounds like Barry
White.

41. Pretend to be really interested. Then say, "No."

42. Engage him/her in an "intellectual" conversation on an
extremely boring subject.

43. Say nothing until he/she hangs up.

44. Say, "I told you. I don't know where your dog is!" Then
hang up.

45. Keep crackers near the phone. When a telemarketer calls eat
the crackers. Chew loudly, make slurping noises, and talk with
your mouth full. If you want pretend that you are choking.

46. After he/she hangs up, use *69 or Caller ID to get the phone
number. Call the telemarketer.

47. Ask the telemarketer for his/her home phone number. Claim
that you need some time to think, and that you'll get back to
them.

48. If he/she is selling a newspaper or magazine, go on and on
about how great another newspaper/magazine is.

49. Pretend you are a telemarketer from a rival company. Get
him/her to buy your product.

50. Say, "Yes" immediately to whatever they are selling and hang
up immediately afterwards.

[TRUball]

those are hilarious. I love telemarketers for theses reasons, to bad they don't call my dads...

[emadhn15]

they call me everytime, i will surely say one of those next time,,,,

I think i will say that this telephone is for emergencies only,, lol

[Vins15]

OMG those are Hilarious... i'll be sure to try everyone of them

[ThisizaJackMove]

50. Say, "Yes" immediately to whatever they are selling and hang
up immediately afterwards.

That is straight out gangsta!

[havasufalls]

21. Claim to be the FBI. Say, "This is the Federal Bureau of
Investigation. How may I help you?"

I gotta try this one

[Brave Sir Rubin]

hmmm...they once called me trying to sell me a credit card of thier bank.....i talked to them for a while, acting ectremely interested...theni asked them "can my entire "mara" (gang of killers here) put money there too?" the telemarketer hung up

i once talked to the telemarketer in the 20 german fraces i know....

i once started a conversation with a wrong number called.....he had to call mr.rodrigues to fix his stone.....we talked for about a minte ot two...nothing too interesting though....


the phone is fun

[TheBob]

to bad they don't call my dads...

You have two dads?

[TRUball]

to bad they don't call my dads...

You have two dads?

LOL No i meant, too bad they don't call my dad's house. cause they don't call here(i am at my dads right now) and they do call at my mom's house.

[TRUball]

Be nice to them.

[TRUball]

here are some other really funny ones

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes
are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work
if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could
know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that
telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your
dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.


here are some others:

Answer by making some weird animal noise.

When they ask for some one say "Oh, I'm sorry, they're dead".

Say, "Do you smell something?"

Crank up the music and leave the phone.

Tell them to wait a minute scream really loud and leave the phone.

Have a balloon ready, pop it, scream and leave the phone.

Say "I'm sorry my pet doesn't answer the phone."

Start talking in another language.

Start making weird breathing noises then scream loud and drop the phone.

Say "Uh-Huh" every 10 sec in a loud annoying voice.

Repeat everything they say.

Start singing high notes off key.

Yodel.

Sing the Brady Bunch theme song.

Keep insisting that caller's name is Bob and start talking about how great high school was.

Answer by saying, "Hello, will you be my friend?"

Say, "Would you like to listen to my record collection? I'll start with Aba and end with Zapa, Frank Zapa."

Ask, "Would you like to buy a pair of slightly used undies?"

Say, "Okay lady/sir, I love you bye-bye."

Ask them how the wife is how the kids are, etc.

If they're from Visa say, "I know what Visa's are they're the things you need to get into the US, I'm already a citizen though."

Ask them out on a date.

Tell them you're busy, then ask for their number so you can call them back (at 5 AM).

Tell them you have to go to the bathroom. Then put the phone near the faucet, turn it on low and walk away.

Say that you don't feel well then pretend to throw-up.

If you have an instrument play it over the phone but play it really bad.

Tell them you have to let the dog out, then leave.

Tell them you have to clean up after your potty-training son/daughterand leave.

Say, "My pirana just had babies, do you want one? They're trained. I mean I still have 9 fingers and toes left," then start screaming.

ok thats all i'll post

[Nick]

Haha! This thread is gold!

[madskillionaire]

Gold?!? this is straight platinum yo!!!!

i plan to use a few of these...especially the FBI one