My girlfriend and I broke up on Wednesday night after being together for 10 months. It doesn’t sound like long so I need to put it into context (as we always do).
We’ve known each other for 3 years now. We met through work and she had a thing for me back then. I didn’t believe it at the time, even though all my friends told me they believed so, but even if I did believe it - I would have never entertained it as she was just 16 and I was 20 (I just don’t feel like a uni student should really date a girl still in high school. Seems a bit wrong to me!). The first time we hung out was on Valentines Day 2009. I still remember that we saw ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ – the average flick with that Mac guy. We actually laugh at it all the time and find it a coincidence that the first time we spent time alone was that day. One thing led to another and about 1-2 months later, I asked her out on a date.
A day after that, everything between us sort of flipped upside down. Her brother, whom I was also friends with, found out about us and demanded that I stay away from her. He also told her never to speak to me again. Being so young I expected her never to speak to me again. I didn’t mind as I liked her but not enough to be really too upset over it. Since I felt that I had nothing to lose or gain, I confronted the brother and told him that he was a jerk and control freak. He challenged me to fight him and I said ok before he backed off (this would come back to fuck me over).
We randomly bumped into each other at the end of 2009 and in early 2010, we agreed to go out one night for dinner and clubbing. One thing led to another and we started dating. After nearly 2 months together (June 2010), she decided that she would tell her brother about us. He went psycho but she stood her ground and eventually the brother gave up and told her that she could see me. But I am convinced to this day that he then went to the parents as 3 days later she told me that she had to stop seeing me. The next morning we saw each other and decided what we would do. We agreed to pretend to break up in front of everyone and start dating on the down low.
We’ve broken up once before when she said she felt too guilty to be seeing me and that she had to think about her parents/family too. When that had happened, I gave her a day to cool down and reasoned with her that we could do it. 10 months on, I felt like we were in a great relationship. Yes, it’s far from normal as we avoid a lot of areas in town and have to get away a lot more (lucky I got a car!) but we were happy – well, I was at least.
We spent a beautiful weekend last weekend at the Coast and she was still happy to see me when I spoke to her on Monday night. We arranged to see a movie on Tuesday night. That morning she told me that she could not see me anymore. Then on Wednesday, I got an email that she thought we should break up. She said that she did not know what we were doing anymore and she could not be in a relationship where we are hiding from everyone. She said the only way out was to tell her parents but she is too scared to do that. I told her I was ready to confront her parents and that I was not scared but she said that she can’t let her feelings ruin her family and everything that her dad has worked hard for. She said she loves me but she can’t go on like this for another year.
She said that she still wants us to have each other around in our respective lives. Right now, I am confused. I cannot have what I want. Thing is that she was not the only one that made sacrifices. I was stressed for the same reasons she was but at the end of the day, I knew that I was happy with her. And I always felt that we could get past everything as we already did with my parents. What I never told her was that my parents weren’t too fond of us being together either (and they are pretty strict Asian parents) but after seeing us so happy together, they slowly accepted it. I always wonder if I should tell her that or keep it secret.
I know that I should probably move on but it's easier said than done when you have not broken up on your own terms – it would be different if our relationship was not working because of one of us being unhappy but as far as I knew, we were still both very much happy together. I feel like she is taking the easy way out of this. Plus, I feel like after being together and going through so much together, I deserve more than a breakup over email/text. She said she doesn't have the guts to go it in person and I reckon it's because once she sees me in person, she would not be able to say she wants to walk away from us.
I keep thinking that maybe I should see her so that we can talk about it in person. Another part of me thinks that that is a bit too much. What do you guys think?
seriously though, there's really two main ways to look at this. One is that you guys are both far too young to be in that sort of relationship, where you're having to sneak around and can't be together normally and whatever. The other is that if you both really want to be together then you shouldn't let other people stand in the way. Essentially you have to pick one of those roads and head down it. You either just accept that it'll cause more drama than it's worth for you guys to be together, or you try to make it happen and deal with all of the outside problems and issues that will come with it.
If you ask me, everything needs a closure. Good luck bro.
