Doobie's Dilemma.

[Doobie]

Doobie is so sad. Anyways a few issues. First off I need to talk to you guys since this is my personal therapy session. There is this girl who is my next door neighbor, she is 3 years younger than me. I have really grown close to her recently and I am starting to realize how much I'm into her. She is really not into me at all, atleast I don't think so. What shall I do fellas? She is recently single and so am I. She is in high school and is one of the most popular students in the school. ( I heard that through a friends brother who goes to the same school.) I don't want to risk losing our friendship by telling her I'm into her, but I am thinking about her 24/7. Guys, I'm really lost on this one. I guess it's a lose-lose for me.

[Null17]

Give it a shot. Platonic female friends aren't really useful anyways.

[Lean]

That's something I'd never do. I have the same situation as that of Doobieboy right here, only difference is that she's not a neighbor. Plus I call her "bestfriend" even though I don't even think if she considers me as one.

But take the risk, man. It might work.

[Andrew]

"Your infatuation is based on a physical attraction. Talk to the woman, and you'll realize you have nothing in common."

Seriously though, nothing ventured nothing gained but keep in mind that she's three years younger. Her probable lack of maturity - no matter how mature she may seem - may ultimately be a barrier if nothing else and could turn the situation quite ugly. If you're really into her though then I guess you've got to give it a shot before you put it out of your mind but if you really can't envision her feeling the same way about you as you do about her then consider you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

In short, don't give up just yet if you're really that interested but perhaps hold off standing outside her window with a boom box over your head. In fact, hold off doing that indefinitely. Good luck!

[NovU]

Why not get her drunk and take advantage of her? That works all the time.

Seriously, I also had a similar relationship before and it didn't work too good in my case. I feel that I should have been more aggressive but gave up on her of my ego. So I would say just go for it. If it doesn't work out, fuck it and forget about it though it might take some time. Just don't make it look like stalking, but at the same be a man enough and don't be shy about it since usually girls like bad boys. Like Null says platonic girl friends are nothing more than waste of time.

[The X]

"Your infatuation is based on a physical attraction. Talk to the woman, and you'll realize you have nothing in common."

I think Andrew hit the nail on the head this time....follow the advice....talk to the woman, see if you have anything in common....

EDIT: Please note that IMHO it's better not to be friends with this girl....all or nothing....it's for the best....go for it....

[Doobie]

I understand guys. And yes, we have a lot in common. Should I try to nudge myself closer to her without actually saying anything? Invite her on a 'date' without literally saying go on a date with me.

Also the issue of age, I'm 20 she's 16 going to be 17 in 2 months. I'm pretty sure she is immature with her friends and since shes hanging out with and older guy she wants to play off like she is mature. What has me on my heels is that she is honestly my ideal of a perfect girl, Personality wise and physically even. I think the physical is why I started speaking to her 2-3 months ago in the first place, I admit that. As I got to know her I got to see how perfect she is for me, like literally. I'm pretty sure there is more that meets the eye and theres probably so many things I won't like about her or things I haven't seen. But as for now, wow.

-She plays basketball, soccer, track. Not one of those cheerleading bitches.
- She is in the national honor society in school and always gets good grades. Not a stupid girl.
-She is a stay-at home girl during the week, likes peace and serenity. Problem is on weekends she parties her ass off. I've been invited to such parties but I am really really not the party type. The party thing is the only major turn off. Also, she's a heat fan.
- Really fun and funny, can have a good time no matter what the case is. Can be serious when you need her to be.
- Not a pushover, doesn't let people walk over her.
- She's been watching the PLAYOFFS and paying attention to what's going on. I can LITERALLY talk basketball with her, that's amazing.
- Has a good idea of where she is going in life and what she wants to do.

That's just a small taste of why she's got me going gaga...

[Andrew]

And to think there are some who doubt the wisdom of The Simpsons.

[Patr1ck]

Don't put to much thought into her, Doobs. She's 17, your 20. You already have the advantage. Come off all lovy-dovy and it will make you look weak. First things first. Do you have her number? Invite her to your place to watch a playoff game, a Miami game of course.

[buzzy]

Sounds like an awesome girl. And I'm with Pdub here, usually girls in that age are attracted to guys who are some years older than they are. Watching TV together would be a good start, let's hope she's not a Heat fan because she finds DWade so hot. :s

[The X]

Yep, she does sound like a nice catch....just go for her then....lock her up for the long-term if you think she's the one....latching on early is not a bad ploy (I never used it, but saw other people use it well)....

all this being said, by the sounds of it, she doesn't sound like somebody who'll want to be locked up for the long-term....

I think the first step is trying to break out of the friendship path that you appear to be going down (refer the World Famous Ladder Theory: http://www.laddertheory.com/ladderconstruction.htm)....

-She is a stay-at home girl during the week, likes peace and serenity. Problem is on weekends she parties her ass off.

I must admit, I did like this one. She'll only get wilder. Most girls do when they hit 18 (very naive)

in the end, do what you want....there are no easy answers....the main thing is just do something....I know the situation as I've been there....I didn't act quick enough & my chance was lost forever....it doesn't bother me at all now, but it did for a little while afterwards....

[Andrew]

Ah yes, the old ladder theory. A couple of my friends who got engaged last year defy the ladder theory as they were friends for quite a while first but circumstances like that do seem somewhat rare and unique.

[Oznogrd]

-She plays basketball, soccer, track. Not one of those cheerleading bitches.
- She is in the national honor society in school and always gets good grades. Not a stupid girl.
-She is a stay-at home girl during the week, likes peace and serenity. Problem is on weekends she parties her ass off. I've been invited to such parties but I am really really not the party type. The party thing is the only major turn off. Also, she's a heat fan.
- Really fun and funny, can have a good time no matter what the case is. Can be serious when you need her to be.
- Not a pushover, doesn't let people walk over her.
- She's been watching the PLAYOFFS and paying attention to what's going on. I can LITERALLY talk basketball with her, that's amazing.
- Has a good idea of where she is going in life and what she wants to do.
That's just a small taste of why she's got me going gaga...

1. It's great she's an athletic girl be aware most sports girls i know are very into their own little clicks and while are super cool 1 on1: get em near their team and they wont speak to your ass.
2. A definite plus but good grades dont make a person smart
3. Is she a responsible partier? i.e. does she go out, have a few drinks and take a cab home? or is she the "if theres a substance in front of me ill try it and its not a weekend if i remember the guy's name i fucked"
4. Funny is good
5. Be aware: she may be overcompensating or trying to look tough. Alot of girls who have the behavior you're describing put up a good front.
6. Make sure you have more in common than sports. Its a great starting point but if it's the only thing? you're gonna be bored out of your fuckin skull.
7. I had a good idea of where i was going and what i wanted to do in high school too. It changes quick.
I'm not trying to be pessimistic...but there's some giant red flags here doobs. oh and both newly single? if you want anything more than 1 wild night? thats not a good idea. I've seen real life examples of all of this behavior either in my own g/f's or close friends so...good luck dude but be careful

[Al Ka Pwn]

never show a girl how much you like her unless you like being submissive in relationships. or you are just that much of a mack that it won't matter.

[Jackal]

Click it. You know you want to.

[Al Ka Pwn]

"rape her in the ass because she is asking for it"? lol.

[Fresh8]

Doobie, I can relate with you. I started hanging out with a sister of a friend of mine and we were spending a lot of time together. After 3 months, I realized that I was starting to like her more than a friend. I thought that she wasn't that keen or into me but I figured that if I didn't tell her, then one day she would probably find a boyfriend and that would have been worse for me if i kept having feelings for her. When I did tell her how I felt, I sort of told her but then thought to myself, 'so what?' Because I didn't even know what I wanted. I didn't want to jump into anything and she didn't either. It was a bit more complicated but long story short, she and I couldn't be more than friends (she made a point of 'right now' whatever thats supposed to mean) and we both agreed to see what would happen down the road... other stuff happened but that's another story.

The point of my story is that you got to know what you want. In my case, if I didn't tell her, then I would have never found out that she liked me too. Age difference isn't a major factor, I'm 20 and she's 17 - like you two. I still asked her out. But I only asked her when I felt that there was a chance that she did like me back... at least a little. If you want her and you feel like there is a chance she may like you back, then tell her. Oh yeah, and even if she's not keen now, telling her might make her notice you and she could change her mind later on.

But if you feel like you're putting your friendship at risk, then don't do anything and try to move on. For me though, I thought it was worth putting our friendship at risk to tell her.

I hope that helps man!

Ah yes, the old ladder theory. A couple of my friends who got engaged last year defy the ladder theory as they were friends for quite a while first but circumstances like that do seem somewhat rare and unique.

I agree because I believe some of the strongest relationships come out of friendships. It all comes down to timing, the right circumstances, and a touch of fate.

[The X]

Sit, I know the girl you are talking about....I'm pretty sure it's the one that Devin shouted a Jagerbomb shot....she's definitely into you, that much is evident

Ah yes, the old ladder theory. A couple of my friends who got engaged last year defy the ladder theory as they were friends for quite a while first but circumstances like that do seem somewhat rare and unique.

interesting....definitely not impossible to happen....potentially they were always on the ladder....or they are more likely just the exception to the rule....

[Andrew]

That could be it. In those situations it's probably a case of both people feeling some sort of "compatability" but not pursuing it because of outside factors, most likely already being in a somewhat healthy relationship and thus not thinking of each other in that way, but not necessarily dismissing the idea in their subconscious. Or something like that.

[Fresh8]

Sit, I know the girl you are talking about....I'm pretty sure it's the one that Devin shouted a Jagerbomb shot....she's definitely into you, that much is evident

Drew, you're smart. I guess I was like 8 months late? And then my friend found out and he wasn't cool with it and it's just gotten all messy now...

[shadowgrin]

I can't offer any advice or anecdotes to you Doobie since I'm living in the Friend Zone for quite some time now.

If there's one thing this thread and Simpsons wisdom has shown, it's that you must have the balls to tell her about it.

[buzzy]

Any updates by the way, Doobie?

[Doobie]

We speak on and off now, she constantly ignores my texts so I stopped texting her. Everything crumbled I don't know why. I'm sad but I won't stress it. I got a lot of other more important things on my mind.

[shadowgrin]

Because you badger her and acted needy and desperate that's why she ignores you now.

[Andrew]

Sorry to hear it Doobie, though when it comes down to it she sounds like she's a bit lacking in maturity (not surprising, given her age) so while it may suck now, in the long run I definitely wouldn't stress about it.