Favorite one-liners.

Yes, another pointless thread from me.

So I was browsing through some of the "witty/cool" one liners in my collection for my MSN personal message and figured I'd find out if you fellows had some. I'm always on the lookout for new ones so post away if you've got any.

Here are some of mine, most are from movies, some are just famous quotes by dead people and a select few are lines that stayed with me after finishing the books.

...you're not how much money you've got in the bank. You're not your job. You're not your family, and you're not who you tell yourself.... You're not your name.... You're not your problems.... You're not your age.... You are not your hopes.

For thousands of years, human beings had screwed up and trashed and crapped on this planet, and now history expected me to clean up after everyone. I have to wash out and flatten my soup cans. And account for every drop of used motor oil. And I have to foot the bill for nuclear waste and buried gasoline tanks and landfilled toxic sludge dumped a generation before I was born.

So will this one die a slow painful death making me rethink making topics for another 1-2 years or will you guys have some nifty ones of your own? Time will tell...

Last edited by Jackal on Sun Feb 21, 2010 1:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man: I get older, they stay the same age."

Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free.

God, I love that movie.

I like "Everything ends." It's simple yet something you can't argue with. Everything does come to an end, sooner or later.

Also "Las cosas no vuelven al mismo lugar," which I can't seem to be able to translate into English, but roughly it means nothing ever happens twice, nothing ever goes back to what it was.

Others:

- "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"
- "Some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are just too bright"
- "Get busy living or get busy dying..."
- "Don't worry about 'why' when 'what' is right in front of you"
- "You're my size, I need to try you on"
- "The worst thing about death is that you realize you'll never find the answers to life's biggest questions. The best thing about it is that you'll never ask yourself those questions again..."

The last one isn't much of a one-liner but whatever, I'll get back to you with more tomorrow...

Apologies in advance if i fuck any of these up or repeat, jackal goddamn thats alot of 1 liners.
-I've got a P.h. D. in horribleness (Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog)
-If you had access to a care like this would you take it back right away? neither would I. (ferris bueller)
-Life moves pretty fast. If you dont stop and look once in awhile you're gonna miss it. (bueller)
-Every living thing dies alone (Donnie Darko)
-I believe you are the fucking antichrist (donnie darko)
-I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen (say anything)
-If you're going through hell, keep going (Winston Churchill)
-Give me the young man with brains enough to make a fool of himself (Robert Louis Stevenson)
-It is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt (heard this was attributed to lincoln)
-Hows that for a slice of fried gold? (Shaun of the Dead)
-You got red on you (Shaun of the Dead)
-Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight? (batman)
-Good? Bad? I'm the guy with the gun. (army of darkness)
-Hey...She bitch: lets go! (army of darkness)
-Names Ash...housewares (army of darkness)
-Sorry I'm late there was this big...problem and i'm late because of it (the Sure thing)
- Hallo! My name is Indigo Montoya, you killed my father...Prepare to die! (Princess Bride)
-You Samoans have no faith in the inherent decency of the white man's culture. (fear and loathing)
-Quiet man. What about the Fucking golf shoes? (fear and loathing)
-We were somewhere around barstow when the drugs began to take hold. (fear and loathing)
-Wait, we cant stop here...this is bat country!! (fear and loathing)
-Then we ate some mescaline and went swimming (fear and loathing)
Thats all for now, i have thousands of others i access for situations but yeah

Nice, very nice. I already saw some I liked.

Indeed those are, everytime I come across one I like, I just add it to my text file.

Here's one...

• I'm like King Midas in reverse. Everything I touch turns to shit.

"That's right. I've killed women and children. I've killed just about everything that walks or crawled at one time or another. And I'm here to kill you, Little Bill, for what you did to Ned"

and again from the same movie

"Well, he should have armed himself if he's going to decorate his saloon with my friend"

See, ya are what ya are in this world. That's either one of two things: Either you're somebody, or you ain't nobody.

My man.

This shit's chess, it ain't checkers

King Kong ain't got shit on me.

It's not what you know, it's what you can prove.

A bullet always tells the truth.

Nice job Gonzo, I would quote half of Fear & Loathing too if I was to start with this...

Nice job Gonzo, I would quote half of Fear & Loathing too if I was to start with this...

Man i didnt even get into where the buffalo roam or past the first few scenes of Fear and Loathing....

-She turned me into a Newt (monty python and the holy grail]
-Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? (holy grail again)
-All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us? (life of brian)

Those quotes can't really be used in "regular" situations though, not unless you've seen the movie I'm guessing.

Here are some more I found tucked away...

• My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
  
• I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'.
  
• I'm happy, don't ruin it by talking to me.
  
• People like you are the reason we have middle fingers.
  
• Real life needs a search function... I can't find my socks.
  
• If you don't like me... then there's something wrong with you!
  
• If you cross a bulldog and a shitzu do you get a bullshit?
  
• If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
  
• Just because I talk to myself doesn't mean I'm weird.
  
• I was about to take over the world, but I got distracted when I saw something shiny.
  
• I knew that something was wrong when my imaginary friends would not play with me.
  
• I looked away to not sneeze on my keyboard, and sneezed on the fan and it went in my face.
  
• I didn't say that it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you!
  
• There are so many nice people in the world, I'm here to balance it out.
  
• If you can't laugh at yourself I will happily do it for you!

-I'm trying to listen to the new Robert Palmer tape, but Evelyn, my supposed fiancée, keeps buzzing in my ear.
-I have to return some videotapes.
-Do you like Phil Collins?
-Do you like Huey Lewis and the news?
-Did you know that Whitney Houston's debut LP, called simply Whitney Houston had 4 number one singles on it?
-Just they're...Huey's too black sounding for me.
-That's 'Bone'.
-But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself.
-There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul's apartment overlooks the park... and is obviously more expensive than mine.
-Get a god-damn job Al.
-Hey, I'm a child of divorce, gimme a break!
-As we arrive at Espace I'm on the verge of tears as I'm certain we won't get a decent table. But we do; relief washes over me in an awesome wave.
-I'm leaving. I've assessed the situation, and I'm going.
-TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD! YOU, FUCKING BASTARD!

if i really wanted to, and i dont, but if i did i would sit here and quote the simpsons forever but i got a feeling you have all heard em before anyway

Those quotes can't really be used in "regular" situations though, not unless you've seen the movie I'm guessing.
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oh we meant regular situations? most of fear and loathing doesnt work then lol.

-Do you like Phil Collins?

That's one hell of a one-liner
Impossible to top that...

One time at a bar, this girl sat down at our table. I think she was lost, and just started babbling and eventually said something about a song that seemed like a question. I asked her that. She was like "whhhhaaaattt..." So a friend asked her if she liked Huey Lewis on the News, and she did it again, then I said that Huey was too black sounding for me. And then she wandered off. Ending my hopes and dreams of her asking what we did.

I <3 American Psycho, just not more than Fight Club.

-Old enough to pee is good enough for me.

- Say hello to my little friend!

And then what do the girls (men?) do?

They do what they did in Scarface...die. Only this time of laughter.

-Old enough to pee is good enough for me.

Ten and over, bend over

``Procrastination is like masturbation, in the end you just end up screwing yourself."

I`ve ran across that line on the internet every now and then.