2006 Onion Sports Year in Review

I stopped reading the Onion a while back but I was bored today and decided to check it out. These are fantastic.

PHOENIX—Upon receiving his second straight MVP award on Monday, Phoenix Suns point guard Steve Nash accused the NBA of "being out to make a fool of [him]." "Listen, it was kind of funny the first time. I mean, I can take a joke. My family was quite embarrassed, but that's beside the point," Nash told those gathered at the ceremony. "But this is just getting ridiculous. Look, I get it—I'm short, white, and Canadian. Ha ha, real fuckin' funny. You sick bastards. Did Amare Stoudemire put you up to this?" When asked about the chances of him winning a third MVP award in as many years, Nash emitted a terse laugh while glaring at the reporters and drumming his fingers on the podium.

http://www.theonion.com/content/

INDIANAPOLIS—Just days after accepting full responsibility for a wreck that knocked Clint Boyer and Carl Edwards out of the Pocono 500, Tony Stewart said he had put the incident behind him and was focusing his energies on the possible fatal crashes he could cause in the upcoming Allstate 400 at the Brickyard. "Indy is a great track with a lot of history, and I'd love to add to that history by running someone's car full-speed into the wall in the short-chutes after Turns 1 and 3, or spinning them down pit lane, or even bumping them into the infield, and killing them," Stewart told reporters shortly after arriving at Indianapolis Motor Speedway. "I'd also love to win, if possible, but I have to run my own race." NASCAR's Competition Committee has already issued a warning to Stewart advising him to "refrain from making incendiary comments" and to "save that sort of thing for the racetrack."