I stumbled upon these, and thought they were amusing.
Larry Bird vs Dr. J 1983
Larry Bird vs Dr. J NBA Live
The Laugh It Up Thread
by --- on Wed May 16, 2007 7:33 am
No problem man, I found some that I hadn't seen either. He's hilarious.
"We'll fucking kick it off, let's bloody start off with setting up a work station... What the fuck is a work station? Huh? It's not like your bloody work arrives on a little fucking train is it? Toot fucking toot! Heres your filing! Fucking bullshit, alright? Its a fucking chair with a fucking desk."
"We'll fucking kick it off, let's bloody start off with setting up a work station... What the fuck is a work station? Huh? It's not like your bloody work arrives on a little fucking train is it? Toot fucking toot! Heres your filing! Fucking bullshit, alright? Its a fucking chair with a fucking desk."
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by SVSM/CC-23 on Sat May 19, 2007 4:56 am
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by shadowgrin on Sat May 19, 2007 6:56 am
Its_asdf wrote:http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2457332
Possibly the greatest book I've ever read.
Fuck, I think I just became stupider after reading that. Seriously.
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- Doesn't negotiate with terrorists. NLSC's Jefferson Davis. The Questioneer
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by el badman on Sat May 19, 2007 7:44 am
Its_asdf wrote:
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showth ... id=2457332
Possibly the greatest book I've ever read.
Fuck, I think I just became stupider after reading that. Seriously
"Connie, the oldest horse, said "Let's play a smoking game and a drinking game""
'Nuf said...
El Badmanator VI: AMD Ryzen 9 5900X @3.7GHz, Nvidia GTX 3090 24GB; Acer Predator XB273K 4K 27"Monitor; Samsung NVMe EVO 970 1TB / Samsung EVO Pro 500GS SSD; Gigabyte X570 Aorus Elite; T-Force RAM DDR4-4000 32GB RAM; EVGA G5 850W PSU; Corsair iCUE H100i CPU Liquid Cooler; Razer DeathAdder Chroma wireless gaming mouse; HyperX Cloud Flight S wireless headset; Logitech G560 speakers; Razer Black Widow v3 mechanical keyboard; PS5 Dualsense controller; Rosewill Cullinan V500 gaming case; Windows 10 Pro 64bit
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el badman - Last of the Meheecans
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by Matt on Sun May 20, 2007 3:50 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPdJxEr2 ... ed&search= Aries Spears is funny!
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Matt - Posts: 7236
- Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2002 6:48 pm
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by Matt on Mon May 21, 2007 2:42 am
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
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Dictionary For Women's Personal Ads
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker
-----------------------------------------------------
A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to Alaska.
The first night he got home, he exclaimed to his wife, "Honey, I want you to know that I haven't wasted all this time alone. Instead, I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!"
And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether.
"Now watch," he said. Next he said, "Dick, ten-HUT!" And with that, his dick sprang to full erection. Then he said, "Dick, at EASE!" And his dick deflated again.
"Wow, that was amazing," said his wife. "Do you mind if I bring our next-door neighbor over to see this? It's really something else!"
The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of what he had accomplished.
So the wife goes next door and comes back with a delicious looking woman who got this guy's full attention! After a brief pause to take her in, he said, "Now watch this." Then he said
"Dick, ten-HUT!" and the dick sprang to life.
Then it was "Dick, at EASE!" But nothing happened. So the guy again said, "Dick, at EASE!" But still nothing happened.
So the guy now says, "For the last time, you son-of-a-bitch, I said AT EASE!!" Still nothing.
Well, the guy was embarassed and ran off to the bathroom. His wife made excuses for him and then joined her husband in the bathroom, where she found him masturbating.
"What in the world are you doing!?" she asked.
The guy says... "I'm givin' this son-of-a-bitch a dishonorable discharge!"
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dictionary For Women's Personal Ads
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker
-----------------------------------------------------
A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to Alaska.
The first night he got home, he exclaimed to his wife, "Honey, I want you to know that I haven't wasted all this time alone. Instead, I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!"
And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether.
"Now watch," he said. Next he said, "Dick, ten-HUT!" And with that, his dick sprang to full erection. Then he said, "Dick, at EASE!" And his dick deflated again.
"Wow, that was amazing," said his wife. "Do you mind if I bring our next-door neighbor over to see this? It's really something else!"
The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of what he had accomplished.
So the wife goes next door and comes back with a delicious looking woman who got this guy's full attention! After a brief pause to take her in, he said, "Now watch this." Then he said
"Dick, ten-HUT!" and the dick sprang to life.
Then it was "Dick, at EASE!" But nothing happened. So the guy again said, "Dick, at EASE!" But still nothing happened.
So the guy now says, "For the last time, you son-of-a-bitch, I said AT EASE!!" Still nothing.
Well, the guy was embarassed and ran off to the bathroom. His wife made excuses for him and then joined her husband in the bathroom, where she found him masturbating.
"What in the world are you doing!?" she asked.
The guy says... "I'm givin' this son-of-a-bitch a dishonorable discharge!"
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Matt - Posts: 7236
- Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2002 6:48 pm
- Location: Australia
by Matt on Tue May 22, 2007 3:53 am
Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0...
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 Please help!
Thanks,
Troubled User.....
_____________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the comm and C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 . However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!
Best of luck,
Tech Support
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 Please help!
Thanks,
Troubled User.....
_____________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the comm and C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 . However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!
Best of luck,
Tech Support
-
Matt - Posts: 7236
- Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2002 6:48 pm
- Location: Australia
by el badman on Tue May 22, 2007 4:36 am
really good one Matt El Badmanator VI: AMD Ryzen 9 5900X @3.7GHz, Nvidia GTX 3090 24GB; Acer Predator XB273K 4K 27"Monitor; Samsung NVMe EVO 970 1TB / Samsung EVO Pro 500GS SSD; Gigabyte X570 Aorus Elite; T-Force RAM DDR4-4000 32GB RAM; EVGA G5 850W PSU; Corsair iCUE H100i CPU Liquid Cooler; Razer DeathAdder Chroma wireless gaming mouse; HyperX Cloud Flight S wireless headset; Logitech G560 speakers; Razer Black Widow v3 mechanical keyboard; PS5 Dualsense controller; Rosewill Cullinan V500 gaming case; Windows 10 Pro 64bit
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el badman - Last of the Meheecans
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by Joe' on Sat May 26, 2007 12:02 am
Click
I laughed my ass off with this line particularly: "Yesterday, for instance, the St. Louis Rams beat the Atlanta Falcons, OK, and I go to the London Times site and it's not even there," said Chip Pernadge of Kansas City, Mo. "Jesus, no wonder those guys lost the war and had to give Hong Kong back to Canada."
I laughed my ass off with this line particularly: "Yesterday, for instance, the St. Louis Rams beat the Atlanta Falcons, OK, and I go to the London Times site and it's not even there," said Chip Pernadge of Kansas City, Mo. "Jesus, no wonder those guys lost the war and had to give Hong Kong back to Canada." Dear Old World, you represent everything that's wrong...
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Joe' - Sir Psycho Sexy
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