These are my favorites:
Students are challenged to develop Christlikeness that is evidenced in consistent Christian character. To help each student to grow in Christlikeness, BJU has a reasonable, just, and firm disciplinary system.
Yeah, reasonable and just for a Nazi prison camp.
.Loyalty to Christ results in separated living. Dishonesty, lewdness, sensual behavior, adultery, homosexuality, sexual perversion of any kind, pornography, illegal use of drugs, and drunkenness all are clearly condemned by God's Word and prohibited here
Ah, Southern Baptists making up words from God. What's next, a holy war between the Jews and Arabs?
Further, we believe that biblical principles preclude gambling, dancing, and the beverage use of alcohol.
At least they only belive that one.
Dating and Mixed Groups
We want students to have wholesome social opportunities in a setting that provides accountability for biblical requirements of purity.
What is the biblical requirement for purity, 99/4%?
It is with this in mind that we chaperon campus activities where men and women students are present and require a chaperon when students date or interact in a mixed group off campus.
Well there goes any chance of an orgy.
Work
Students may work in town until 10:25 pm on weekdays and midnight on weekends. Freshmen must have a prayer captain, assistant prayer captain, or upperclassman with them.
Beause everyone knows 18-19 year olds are really 5 years old inside, right?
Freshmen and sophomores may not use their vehicles to go to and from work.
So they can hitchhike?
Students may not serve alcoholic beverages when waiting tables at restaurants.
God forbid they inhale the fumes!
Students may not do house-to-house sales anywhere in the Greenville area. Students offering services to the community must have a retail license or have clearance from the Dean of Students to do door-to-door solicitation for their services.
Otherwise, we will stalk you.
Students may not miss nightly prayer meetings on weekdays.
But, on the weekends, you can have fun.

And thats only a third of it.[/quote]