Your Astrological Profile

I found these online...

ARIES
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don't give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less. You're the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding

TAURUS
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you're bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss.

GEMINI
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply, you're a neurotic schizophrenic. A real fucking weirdo, the type of person who'd kill them self to win a bet.

CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative's limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.

LEO
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare.

VIRGO
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you're prone to bullshitting and you're a cheap bastard. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are whores.

LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.

SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are your only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your nose. You should become a stunt performer with no helmet.

SAGITTARIUS
You are gorgeous and divine and everybody wants to be like you. However other jealous signs will say that you are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. Men even willing to rent Sleepless In Seattle to increase your odds for a romp in the sack.

CAPRICORN
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self-centered cunt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an altar boy.

AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.

PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a prick.

I'm a Libra and that's the complete opposite of what I am

I'd hope everyone is the opposite of what these say

^haha, it better be that way. nice read btw.

SAGITTARIUS
You are gorgeous and divine and everybody wants to be like you. However other jealous signs will say that you are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. Men even willing to rent Sleepless In Seattle to increase your odds for a romp in the sack.

Fits like a glove...

SAGITTARIUS
You are gorgeous and divine and everybody wants to be like you. However other jealous signs will say that you are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. Men even willing to rent Sleepless In Seattle to increase your odds for a romp in the sack.

Quite right, except for the sex toys and Dutch pornography thing.

I'm a Libra and that's the complete opposite of what I am

gemini... might be true

Aries... and I do not jerk off at weddings...

Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics.

That just goes to show that it's supposed to be the opposite of how it really is.

Warm and caring.

SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are your only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your nose. You should become a stunt performer with no helmet.

Picking my nose, damn right!

PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a prick.

yep that is 100% correct..

Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics.

That just goes to show that it's supposed to be the opposite of how it really is.

Warm and caring.

LMFAO

GEMINI
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply, you're a neurotic schizophrenic. A real fucking weirdo, the type of person who'd kill them self to win a bet.

very much me when i was in my teens, somehow i changed....

My star sign....

Pisces
"Slippery when wet"

I'm tauraus... I'm pretty straight actually... no way am i bi!

AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.

WTF?? no way am I working in any legal-type work

I'm a Libra, the first part is true.
I'm not an asshole

I'm Libra too... we should all get together and have a Libra party, since no one's coming to our funeral.

some of you guys seem to be taking the horoscopes that Jae posted seriously

you do know that they are fabricated ones and have nothing to do with actual stars....Jae probably just posted it to show you what he thinks of how accurate horoscopes are

I just thought it was funny, the whole process of being insulted and stuff like "you rarely wear underwear and constantly smell of piss" was hilarious to me... but yeah I've been a bit confused as to why people are saying it is or isn't like them lol.

I think we all got it was a joke, I don't think anyone took it seriously, well except for maybe Lpasso and a few but I can't even say that for sure.

^^^ Yep, why would constellations billions of miles away affect and dictate my life.