Why did we invade Iraq, Daddy?

[Matt]

copied from HHC, heaps funny

Q:
Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?

A:
Because they had weapons of mass destruction.

Q:
But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.

A:
That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.

Q:
And that's why we invaded Iraq?

A:
Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.

Q:
But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass destruction, did we?

A:
That's because the weapons are so well hidden.

Q:
Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?

A:
To use them in a war, silly.

Q:
I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war with them?

A:
Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves.

Q:
That doesn't make sense. Why would they choose to die if they had all those big weapons with which they could have fought back?

A:
It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.

Q:
I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those weapons our government said they did.

A:
Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.

Q:
And what was that?

A:
Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country.

Q:
Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his country?

A:
Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.

Q:
Kind of like what they do in China?

A:
Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor, where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer.

Q:
So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?

A:
Right.

Q:
Why were people in Iraq being tortured?

A:
For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.

Q:
Isn't that exactly what happens in China?

A:
I told you, China is different.

Q:
What's the difference between China and Iraq?

A:
Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China is Communist.

Q:
Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?

A:
No, just Cuban Communists are bad.

Q:
How are the Cuban Communists bad?

A:
Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured.

Q:
Like in Iraq?

A:
Exactly.

Q:
And like in China, too?

A:
I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other hand, is not.

Q:
How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?

A:
Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like us.

Q:
But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists?

A:
Don't be a smart-ass.

Q:
I didn't think I was being one.

A:
Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.

Q:
Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?

A:
I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate leader anyway.

Q:
What's a military coup?

A:
That's when a military general takes over the government of a country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States.

Q:
Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?

A:
You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our friend.

Q:
Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?

A:
I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.

Q:
Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate leader?

A:
Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan.

Q:
Why did we invade Afghanistan?

A:
Because of what they did to us on September 11th.

Q:
What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?

A:
Well, on September 11th, nineteen men - fifteen of them Saudi Arabians - hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings in New York and Washington, killing 3,000 innocent people.

Q:
So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?

A:
Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of the Taliban.

Q:
Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off people's heads and hands?

A:
Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.

Q:
Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars back in May of 2001?

A:
Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job fighting drugs.

Q:
Fighting drugs?

A:
Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing opium poppies.

Q:
How did they do such a good job?

A:
Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would have their hands and heads cut off.

Q:
So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off for other reasons?

A:
Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's hands for stealing bread.

Q:
Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?

A:
That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply.

Q:
Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?

A:
No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.

Q:
What's the difference?

A:
The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers.

Q:
It sounds like the same thing with a different name.

A:
Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our friends.

Q:
But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia.

A:
Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.

Q:
Who trained them?

A:
A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.

Q:
Was he from Afghanistan?

A:
Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very bad man.

Q:
I seem to recall he was our friend once.

A:
Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.

Q:
Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan talked about?

A:
There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call them Russians now.

Q:
So the Soviets - I mean, the Russians - are now our friends?

A:
Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.

Q:
So the French and Germans are evil, too?

A:
Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.

Q:
Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what we want them to do?

A:
No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.

Q:
But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?

A:
Well, yeah. For a while.

Q:
Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?

A:
Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our friend, temporarily.

Q:
Why did that make him our friend?

A:
Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.

Q:
Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?

A:
Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the other way, to show him we were his friend.

Q:
So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our friend?

A:
Most of the time, yes.

Q:
And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an enemy?

A:
Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.

Q:
Why?

A:
Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a godless unAmerican Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?

Q:
I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?

A:
Yes.

Q:
But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?

A:
Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him what to do.

Q:
So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in his head?

A:
Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.

Q:
Good night, Daddy.

[Tuomas]

haha!!! couldn't be more true, it finally makes sense now

[Null17]

only read the first 10-15 questions...too tired. but yeah everything there is so true...

[Jona]

That was a fun and clever read Matt!! Or Shep... Or Rip....

[cyanide]

Hehe, good "interview." It reminds me a lot of George Orwell's 1984 where through nationalism and mass media, a nation can switch sides in an almost instant, distort facts and information, and turn good guys to bad guys, and vice versa as if one was never good/bad in the first place.

[Andreas Dahl]

Best read I've had this week. Thank you for that.
It's definitely worth the time it takes to read it.


Just in case some of you doubt, all the facts are true in it...

[J@3]

Q:
But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?

A:
Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him what to do.

Q:
So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in his head?

A:
Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.

[Indy]

brilliant. absoloutly fantastic.

[iKe7in]

Thread of the year

[Old School Fool]

Q:
But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?

A:
Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him what to do.

Q:
So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in his head?

A:
Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.

[Matthew]

Whats the point of that post? You just did the exact same thing Jae did and instead of 2 smileys you posted one.

[cklitsie]

Whats the point of that post? You just did the exact same thing Jae did and instead of 2 smileys you posted one.

Hey, he ain't a fool for nothing.

[Username123]

That was soo right. Good stuff, got a good laugh out of it

[Old School Fool]

Whats the point of that post? You just did the exact same thing Jae did and instead of 2 smileys you posted one.

Hey, he ain't a fool for nothing.

Posts: 2005

Ceekay, that's Ironic. Your count is 2005.

[Cameron]

Excellently written article, expressed my views quite accurately

[Andreas Dahl]

It's like that movie "wag the dog" anyone seen it? its with Robert De Niro .. they stage a war in a made up country to detract attention from the president cheating on his wife, before ellections - its pretty realistic scaringly so

I remember watching that movie when I was younger and was thinking of why they did all that stuff and for what purpose and so on and that it wasn't very realistic at all.
A few months ago I found myself watching the movie again and thinking of how realistic it actually was, not the actual event in the movie, but how they handled the whole situation. Scary stuff, when you think of how it's not far fetched at all that it might just have happened a few times already... What's also scary is the fact that the entire television medium in the U.S. can literally be run by one person; talk about propaganda haven not being far away...

[Matthew]

America isnt run by one person, what the hell are you talking about?

[Andreas Dahl]

The U.S. passed a bill not long ago allowing one person to have monopoly over the television channels (General Electrics already have more than 3/4 more money invested than any other company). Ergo controlling all the television and what is shown on it, which results in pretty damn good propaganda tool... Sort of like it is in Italy, but not quite the same.

[Waz]

lmao that was a great read lol

[Riot]

A:
Well, on September 11th, nineteen men - fifteen of them Saudi Arabians - hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings in New York and Washington, killing 3,000 innocent people.

Q:
So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?

lols good Q.. funny how the media screws with peoples heads. Cause at the time it seemed perfectly normal to a lot of ppl that they'd invade Afghanistan - when really - no connection

It's like that movie "wag the dog" anyone seen it? its with Robert De Niro .. they stage a war in a made up country to detract attention from the president cheating on his wife, before ellections - its pretty realistic scaringly so

Yes, you are 100% correct. Bush just picked a random country and just decided to invade.

America has captured tons of Terrorist leaders and shut down dozens of terrorist camps (not only in Afghanistan but in Iraq too). Terrorists (Mostly Al-Queda-or however you spell it) basically do whatever they want in Afghanistan because there is no government to push them out or anything. America has documents where terrorist camps were teaching how to make pipe bombs then teaching how to get those pipe bombs and other small weapons past metal dectors!

I'm glad we invaded.

[Indy]

actually you are wrong. there is more terrorist activity in the middle east then there was before the wars on iraq and afghanistan.

[Jona]

Indy has a point there.

[Riot]

actually you are wrong. there is more terrorist activity in the middle east then there was before the wars on iraq and afghanistan.

There isn't more terrorists, that isn't a proven fact. There are more muslim extremists (mostly coming over from Syria) who are coming over into Iraq and stuff just to kill people who are either A. Americans or B. support the Americans and democracy.

Obviously, if you enter a hostile area people are going to get upset and fight back. But there have been terrorists in the Middle-East for decades. And America has shut down dozens of terrorist CAMPS.

[J@3]

When Riot farts, does anyone else think "Star Spangled Banner" starts playing out of his ass?

[Riot]

Because I support the war? Because I support my president because people are so damn stupid and think what they see on SNL is actually real?