NBA Notes & Quotes & Behind the Scenes...(be warned)
Sun May 11, 2003 1:45 pm
...by me! Oh and thanks Matthew for your input. Those who are easily offended, click the "Back" button on your browser now. 
Disclaimer: Most of the info in this thread is fictional, including all the quotes. It's all in good fun people, so don't all decide you have morals after reading this thread!
Let's kick things off...
Kobe Bryant tried to prove his manhood in game 1 against the Spurs by taking 38 shots (making only 16). This occured after he allegedly found out that the woman he slept with the night before was actually Dennis Rodman, hired by the Spurs, to seduce Bryant. Rodman almost 40 years old, has proven he can still play defence and be a solid contributor to a team.
Pistons' centre Ben Wallace was awarded the defensive player of the year award, coincidentally at the same time a discovery was made about his inability to defend the backdoor play - he has been diagnosed with Aids. Sources have speculated that he was seen with Magic Johnson and Elton John in recent times.
Suns rookie of the year Amare Stoudamire has been compared all season long to former All-Star Shawm Kemp. When asked about the comparisons during the playoffs against the Spurs, Stoudamire explained "Look, even though he wasn't around, and my momma had to work 3 jobs, I thank Shawn, my daddy, for passing on his god given talents to me...". Amare then left, accompanied by three women, each escorting atleast 2 small children.
Former Piston's linebacker Bill "Barnyard" Lamebeer's son Billy Bob, has elected to enter the upcomming NBA draft. Said Billy Bob "I'm here because of my work ethic, which was instilled to me down at daddy's farm... if it wasn't for daddy and aunt-momma, I wouldn't be here".
Retiring great John Stockton on playing with Karl Malone for almost two decades: "Not many people can fill it (the basket) up like he can". Said Malone in reply: "...and not many people have given it (the ball) to me over the years the way John has." Jerry Sloan then interrupted, "It's unbelievable how tight those guys are".
Nets guard Jason Kidd had a poor shooting night when playing the Celtics in Boston, in game three of the Nets/Celtics series. Questions were raised, that Kidd who elected not to bring his wife and child to Boston because of the hostile crowd, shot poorly because he didn't warm up his hands with his usual pre-game slapping ritual.
Research has shown that Homosexuals have weak anal muscles, making it difficult to control "number two's". This may explain why Karl Malone shit himself on the free throw line in game one of the 97 NBA Finals. Michael Jordan hit the game winning shot at the buzzer after Malone's "boo-boo".
After yet another early playoff exit, Keving Garnett pulled a Patrick Ewing: "Don't you worry, we're going to win it all next year... see ya'll in LA next year". Responded Shaquille O'Neal, "Ooga Chucka Ooga Chucka mmmbbblll *mumble mumble* Timberpuppies". A decade in the league for Shaquille O'Neal, and reporters are still trying to figure out what the hell he is on about. Apparently Dikembe Mutombo understands every word of it.
Allen Iverson was recently overheard in the 76ers locker room talking to a team mate about rescent events in which a friend of his was killed, by a bullet which was meant for Iverson himself: "There was about ten of them yo, and I pulled my gun out... I must have squeezed off about ten bullets, and hit three of them...".
Steve Kerr, after several years has finally revealed the story behind the black eye he received from Michael Jordan. Said Kerr "Michael wanted us to shave our heads, kind of a team unity thing you know? But my wife wouldn't let me, so I said no. Anyway, Mike lost it and jumped on me, and that's how it happened". It was probably no coincidence, that the following day Bill Wennington came to practice with a shaved head. Asked if he held a grude, Kerr said "Of course not, how many people can say they were punched in the face by the greatest athlete of all time?"
Disclaimer: Most of the info in this thread is fictional, including all the quotes. It's all in good fun people, so don't all decide you have morals after reading this thread!
Let's kick things off...
Kobe Bryant tried to prove his manhood in game 1 against the Spurs by taking 38 shots (making only 16). This occured after he allegedly found out that the woman he slept with the night before was actually Dennis Rodman, hired by the Spurs, to seduce Bryant. Rodman almost 40 years old, has proven he can still play defence and be a solid contributor to a team.
Pistons' centre Ben Wallace was awarded the defensive player of the year award, coincidentally at the same time a discovery was made about his inability to defend the backdoor play - he has been diagnosed with Aids. Sources have speculated that he was seen with Magic Johnson and Elton John in recent times.
Suns rookie of the year Amare Stoudamire has been compared all season long to former All-Star Shawm Kemp. When asked about the comparisons during the playoffs against the Spurs, Stoudamire explained "Look, even though he wasn't around, and my momma had to work 3 jobs, I thank Shawn, my daddy, for passing on his god given talents to me...". Amare then left, accompanied by three women, each escorting atleast 2 small children.
Former Piston's linebacker Bill "Barnyard" Lamebeer's son Billy Bob, has elected to enter the upcomming NBA draft. Said Billy Bob "I'm here because of my work ethic, which was instilled to me down at daddy's farm... if it wasn't for daddy and aunt-momma, I wouldn't be here".
Retiring great John Stockton on playing with Karl Malone for almost two decades: "Not many people can fill it (the basket) up like he can". Said Malone in reply: "...and not many people have given it (the ball) to me over the years the way John has." Jerry Sloan then interrupted, "It's unbelievable how tight those guys are".
Nets guard Jason Kidd had a poor shooting night when playing the Celtics in Boston, in game three of the Nets/Celtics series. Questions were raised, that Kidd who elected not to bring his wife and child to Boston because of the hostile crowd, shot poorly because he didn't warm up his hands with his usual pre-game slapping ritual.
Research has shown that Homosexuals have weak anal muscles, making it difficult to control "number two's". This may explain why Karl Malone shit himself on the free throw line in game one of the 97 NBA Finals. Michael Jordan hit the game winning shot at the buzzer after Malone's "boo-boo".
After yet another early playoff exit, Keving Garnett pulled a Patrick Ewing: "Don't you worry, we're going to win it all next year... see ya'll in LA next year". Responded Shaquille O'Neal, "Ooga Chucka Ooga Chucka mmmbbblll *mumble mumble* Timberpuppies". A decade in the league for Shaquille O'Neal, and reporters are still trying to figure out what the hell he is on about. Apparently Dikembe Mutombo understands every word of it.
Allen Iverson was recently overheard in the 76ers locker room talking to a team mate about rescent events in which a friend of his was killed, by a bullet which was meant for Iverson himself: "There was about ten of them yo, and I pulled my gun out... I must have squeezed off about ten bullets, and hit three of them...".
Steve Kerr, after several years has finally revealed the story behind the black eye he received from Michael Jordan. Said Kerr "Michael wanted us to shave our heads, kind of a team unity thing you know? But my wife wouldn't let me, so I said no. Anyway, Mike lost it and jumped on me, and that's how it happened". It was probably no coincidence, that the following day Bill Wennington came to practice with a shaved head. Asked if he held a grude, Kerr said "Of course not, how many people can say they were punched in the face by the greatest athlete of all time?"
Sun May 11, 2003 2:37 pm
Pistons' centre Ben Wallace was awarded the defensive player of the year award, coincidentally at the same time a discovery was made about his inability to defend the backdoor play - he has been diagnosed with Aids. Sources have speculated that he was seen with Magic Johnson and Elton John in recent times.
Fuckin funny thread dude, heheh
What about Joe Smiths "under the table contract being voided? I guess the timberwolves organisation were way to sloppy!
Sun May 11, 2003 3:11 pm
lol, funny post Stevan, 
Sun May 11, 2003 3:15 pm
Fuckin great post!!! kept me laghin for so long...especially the Utah Jazz ones... (for obious reasons... 
)
excelent, what can i say...just excelent post...keep it up...me want more!
(for obious reasons... )
excelent, what can i say...just excelent post...keep it up...me want more!
Sun May 11, 2003 4:16 pm
yeah~ we want more~~!
that also explains why Big Ben can't make his free throws
Pistons' centre Ben Wallace was awarded the defensive player of the year award, coincidentally at the same time a discovery was made about his inability to defend the backdoor play - he has been diagnosed with Aids. Sources have speculated that he was seen with Magic Johnson and Elton John in recent times.
Research has shown that Homosexuals have weak anal muscles, making it difficult to control "number two's". This may explain why Karl Malone shit himself on the free throw line in game one of the 97 NBA Finals. Michael Jordan hit the game winning shot at the buzzer after Malone's "boo-boo".
that also explains why Big Ben can't make his free throws
Sun May 11, 2003 5:49 pm
I like the kobe bryant and dennis rodman thing.
Mon May 12, 2003 7:06 am
Mon May 12, 2003 4:00 pm
ehehe, that was some funny shit!!!!!!!!
Tue May 13, 2003 10:35 am
HEHEHE
nice one on kobe and rodman
funny post except for some references *cough* showerfun *cough*
nice one on kobe and rodman
funny post except for some references *cough* showerfun *cough*
Tue May 13, 2003 3:18 pm
hehehe, what Showerfun?
I got nothing left fellas, feel free to add your own
I got nothing left fellas, feel free to add your own
Tue May 13, 2003 9:04 pm
:lol: Nice one Stoivan.
Tue May 13, 2003 9:26 pm
I loved the Stockton to Malone one. That was funny as hell.